Death and a Relapse
 

My uncle whose house we bought at the beginning of this year, moved out last month following my sinus surgery. He had retired and was heading out to Washington to stay with his brother and sister-in-law.

Friday he was killed by a drunk driver, the other driver's blood alcohol was almost five times the legal limit for Washington state which sets it at 0.08. My aunt was with him at the time and was badly injured but thankfully not critically.

Since Saturday evening though I have had a terrible headache, rampant insomnia, I don't think I've been able to sleep more than an hour or two at a time and extremely weak. I know everything could also be attributed to depression. But the worse part is, I keep forgetting that it's happened.

I mean, I'll be laughing, having fun, making plans for Christmas and then suddenly remember my mom crying and shaking while she told me her brother was gone, to the point that it feels like I'm losing both my body and my mind.

Help...

Starznight, all of that is normal, but you do need to continue to acknowledge your emotions and feelings. Big hugs out to all of you and your family. Ohm how did the drunk driver do? It usually seems to be that they are unscratched an everyone else is hurt real bad or even worse such as in your situation. It makes a person want o shake that drunk driver so bad it makes them pass out. They have dramaticaly changed an entire families life and they don't have any scratches and some times no regrets.

The drunk and his 2 equally or more drunk passengers were all fine, also learned that the driver had a suspended or revoked license and was on his third or more conviction for driving without a license. And we're not talking some young dumb kid either, but a 46 year old.

I don't honestly know if it'd make me feel any less angry if it was just some stupid 21 year old kid, sad to say but it probably would, I might even have some room for pity, but for this SOB I have as little pity as he has regard for human life. Alcoholism is a disease, I get that but it's not an excuse to not call a cab, ride a bus, ride a bike, walk or just go ahead and spend the night sleeping in your mess in an alleyway.

180 days, plus up to 5 years in jail (which really means out in 1) and he's free to mow down some more people, after clearly not learning anything the first time he was in jail for 10 days nor the second time he was in jail for 90 days, at least. It makes me wonder how two idiots in a bar fight can end up spending more time in jail than a drunk driver. If it wasn't for that I'd be tempted to grab a baseball bat and a beer for when he gets out. Say what you will about negative reinforcement, some people just don't learn from time-outs.

my deepest, sincerest sympathies. :hug:

I hope the anger and grief you are all experiencing will be eventually replaced by sweet memories of your uncle. Saying a quiet prayer for your aunt to recover.

Starz, I'm so so sorry for yours and your DMs loss of
your Dear Uncle. Especially in such a tragic way.:hug:
I pray you all find some peace with this in the future.

Also sorry for your illness...Oh the stress...:hug:

starz,

i'm so sorry for the loss of your uncle in such a terrible and tragic way.

i hope your family is able to find some peace in the loving and wonderful memories of your uncle instead of the way he passed.

blessing to you and your family.

So sorry for the loss of your uncle. :hug:

Perhaps you can turn that anger and sorrow into passionate action. Wouldn't know where to start, myself, but the laws need to be changed. Handslapping and inconvenience is all drunk drivers get now, no matter the consequences.

Starz, you are such a sweet person, I just hate to see you hurt like this. I know I don't know the actual literal passage of the Bible, but it is 'and this to shall pass'. Eventually your anger, well deservedly, will lessen and something of joy will fill those spaces. I am not trying to diminish your grief. HUGS

Thank you so much everyone, you have no idea just how much it helps just to be able to write about this. IRL I'm not one for showing my emotions, I wear the mask of being strong, laughing through the hardships, the one people can lean on and know this crippled butt of mine will catch them. In its own way, supporting those around me, supports me as well. But when writing, I can express my emotions. How odd that something with neither facial expression, body posture, nor even tone of voice is the catalyst for showing what is in my heart and mind.

And while 'this to shall pass' isn't biblical, it is a comforting phrase, yet Matthew 5:4 is quite correct 'blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.' Truer words were never wrote, even if it's sacrilegious to say so when quoting a particular verse from the bible. You all have been a comfort, not just in this case but in all the ups and downs of life and this disease... As if just surviving on this spinning dust bucket wasn't hard enough...

It does seem as though my memory issues are a small blessing. The times I'm able to completely forget ease the hurt and allow me to function (eat, drink, laugh) it's like my brain has been well trained in simply erasing the all the bad stuff it decides I don't need to know. It's still tough when the memory comes rushing back and I'm forced to face it all over again like its the first time I'm hearing it, but it's getting a little better. Once again writing it down makes it 'stick' a bit more in the head, taking a bit of the bite away as there's a niggling feeling like, 'oh yeah... I already know this...'

I just don't know how long I can keep my sanity now living in his house... Well our house now... But I still hadn't gotten used to seeing his bedroom door close and not sneaking around the house so as to not wake him in the mornings after he moved out. Even now I catch myself tapping on his door to check on him when I don't see him by noon...

My husband and I cared for him after his triple bypass surgery, his femoral artery cross-over surgery, his surgery for stints in his legs when that didn't work. And he's no doubt who I take after for simply laughing through everything life throws my way, outwardly at least, as he was the same. Nothing could dampen his spirit, life should be fun and if it's not; make it fun! Never let anyone (but him) sway your beliefs, have faith in something greater than yourself (like Mickey Mouse), and most importantly be an individual who isn't 'just like everyone else'.

I know right now I'm probably letting him down some, mourning for him so much, shedding so many tears for him, it's not what he would want, he even said as much countless times. It's just he never told me how to accomplish that. When I see him on the other side you better believe he's going to get whatfor for asking the impossible, it's a shame that as the living one I can't even haunt him.

So so sorry to hear of your loss...

Kennedy said, "Life isn't fair." No kidding...we can't understand how these things occur. It breaks our hearts even more when our loved ones pass from these types of situations. It is absolutely horrible...unbelievable.

You are smart in realizing that stress from this situation can cause a pseudo-exacerbation. Try your best to take time to sit still and count your breaths, going through your body and relaxing each muscle group. Bring to mind all of the wonderful memories you have of your uncle-allow those images and memories reduce the pain. It won't eliminate the pain, and it's good to allow for those feelings; it's just not good for our compromised bodies to be inundated with the associated problems that result.

Hugs to you and your family...know that you're not alone...