crying and suicidal thoughts
 

A couple of years prior to my concussion I buried my mom, closest person to me, without shedding a tear (but with immense internal sadness, sorrow, and a subsequent depression).

I remember telling myself a while back before my concussion "i forgot the feeling to cry, it has been perhaps 5+ years I did not... maybe 10..."

Fast forward to post concussion. My Gf left me. I am left all alone in this world. I can't stop crying. Now I am a full year post concussion, and sometimes I wonder if my emotional vulnerability has improved at all. I am depressed. I cry often. With the wish that I somehow die in my sleep. I wake up in the morning early hopeless, with a dark cloud over my head.

Weird thing: NO ONE & NOTHING made me feel emotionally more stable EXCEPT my ex (the same who left me). When she visits me and behaves nicely, or calls me often, my overall symptoms get better. Episodes during which she disappears or becomes aggressive, blames me for stuff, and I slowly start getting worse.

I feel Concussion==>Depression ==> worsens concussion symptoms ==> emotional instability ...

I tried a couple of anti-depressants they made me worse. I often question the reason to live. I often think about a scheme to gently and far from the eyes off myself. I saw an article on Euthanasia in a magazine today and was very interested...

but why the crying? I don't understand... I would have felt more at peace if I did not humiliate myself in front of some people I know..

Just a reminder per our guidelines.. before this topic gets too involved here.
[Messages containing suicidal threats or threats of suicidal actions. Posts of a primarily suicidal nature should be made to the SOS forum.]
SOS forum link-
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

Members there are very helpful and understanding.

guidelines -
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=1293


Are you under any drs care for these feelings & symptoms?
If not , I suggest that is the next step, find some qualified therapists to help you thru the grief of losing both your mother & gf...

Hey there,

I can certainly relate to how you feel. It is a tough and lonely road we travel on, my friend. Not many people can begin to understand the pain we feel, both physical and emotional.

The mental anguish I've experienced from PCS is greater than from losing my mother one week before my 20th birthday, losing a very close friend that same year and Having a friend die in 2012 from an unknown cause. I still don't know what happened to him and he was a perfectly healthy dude ready to serve in Afganstan later that year.

I also tried to take an antidepressant which I had a bad reaction to leaving me in worse shape.

Anyway my point is this seems to be mostly a difficult emotional individual battle when it comes down to it but there are people out there that can help - therapists and such. You have to remember that by definition PCS is a condition that has an end date. Of course that's not always the case but we both have to keep hope alive.

I struggle with severe depression and anxiety daily and tend to argue with my girlfriend even when she tries to help. It's very difficult not being able to love her the same way as before because of my disabilities. There is lots of screaming and crying involved.

Keep the hope and faith alive brother. That's all you can do. Take it one day at a time. It ought to get better for both of us relatively soon. In the meantime do yourself a favor and keep up good nutrition and follow the vitamin regimen.

I'm praying for you man,
Danny

Hang in there Bachissimo. It can and will get better with time and proper help. My PCS has put me into dark places that I didn't know I was capable of going to, but it is slowly getting less dark.

See your doc and therapist as soon as possible.