Losing touch with reality
 

My mental state continues to worsen and I am stuck inside all day, I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. I'm beginning to become afraid to go outside of my bedroom because of things happening to me.

For example, a few moments ago, I was taking out the trash to the end of the driveway (my big event for the day) and on the way back up, a branch of a shrub grazed the top of my head. It wasn't hard by any stretch but I still feel some sort of impact. The anxiety I'm feeling from it is unreal and I can't seem to get the thought of it making my condition worse out of my head.

This comes on the heels of a hit to the upper shoulder two weeks ago which has caused me all kinds of neck and head pain as well as dizziness, irritability and anxiety.

Furthermore I'm dealing with visual static caused my taking Prozac for 9 days. It is very pronounced and frightening because it is there 24/7. It makes it hard to relax and is there when I close my eyes. It makes it very hard to sleep as well.

I'm coming up on 9 months of this torment and I really don't know how much more of it I can stand. I'm trying to get counseling of some sort but I can't get up the effort. I haven't gone to my OT/speech or pt since I hit my shoulder and I'm growing so depressed. I don't know what to do anymore.

I should add that my girlfriend seems to have reached a tipping point and is stressed out to the point where she just gets frustrated at me. It makes us both worse but I have real problems that I need to talk about. This thing with my vision is so scary.

It sounds like you need to take the step to get more professional help. The Prozac may not be right for you. It is very old school. Your anxiety about little contacts is a big problem. Nobody can get you to a therapist but you. Write down some notes of a plan of action and start moving in that direction. You will be glad you did.

I don't know if this was suggested already, since I'm relatively new here.

But did you ever consider getting a service dog for anxiety issues? They can be so therapeutic. I remember how I look forward to seeing the service dog at my daughter's OT clinic. Just petting him can be soothing. So much so I really am looking into getting a dog. This dogwish.com has some great dogs: http://www.dogwish.org/anxiety-service-dogs2.html

Something else to consider is a support group, like the Brain Injury Alliance. I found a teens support group and it was really nice for my daughter to meet other kids with similar symptoms. So she didn't have to feel alone in her struggles....

And of course, family and friends around are always a good thing.

Hang in there!

It might help if you have more contact with people, talking helps a lot and takes your mind away from your worries. On your own they can multiply and every little thing is blown out of proportion. Try and get out in the fresh air and take a walk and breath deep. It's tough, a lot of us have been through similar times and come out the other side - you will too.

I've found that when I'm feeling really depressed, which usually happens in conjunction with feeling worse head-wise, that taking even a short walk in the woods or just getting out in nature really helps. If you can't get out, perhaps just listening to some nature sounds or looking at pictures of nature might mimic the effect. When I was feeling my worst I would often just listen to this "Sounds of the Grand Canyon" CD i got when I was a kid that has nature sounds (e.g. running water, birds, wind, rain, etc.) mixed in with new age-y piano music.

I'll second SuperElectric's suggestion of having more interpersonal interactions. I know this prohibitive for many because of symptoms, but if you can manage something it could be really helpful. Personally, when I took a leave of absence from school and moved back in with my parents to focus on recovery, after a few months of not doing much of anything except appointments, I started volunteer coaching for my old high school cross country team. Running had been my world for high school and college, and being around that atmosphere, and especially interacting with people eventually did more than any treatment I've had to make me feel a little more like myself.

It wasn't always easy, and I started off only going to practice a couple times a week and often felt worse afterwards, but it turned into something that really helped stave off deep depression/despair because it expanded my world beyond worrying about the concussion. I also went through a distressing breakup shortly before I went on leave, which was another major source of negative thinking, and coaching helped me deal with that somewhat better. I really hope that if possible you might be able to find something similar, whatever that might be for you given your symptoms. I hope things start turning around sooner, and know that even if it feels like no one understands, people on this board, in the limited capacity that something like this allows, do understand and care.

I appreciate all the responses. I am doing better today thankfully but still struggling. Who knows how I will be tomorrow. This is such a roller coaster.

I hadn't heard of dogs for anxiety. that is something to look into.

Regarding the interpersonal relations, I of course have tried to reach out to others but I am limited by my brains current capacity.

For instance the last two weeks I called close friends and after 30 min on the phone, each time I felt extremely light headed and awful for the remainder of the day. It's almost a catch 22. I would love to keep in touch and reach out to support groups, friends and family but my brain only allows a certain amount of conversing each day. This goes for therapists and doctors too. It's a fine line to balance the psychiatric illnesses and the concussion symptoms.

I don't have any family around to support me, mother passed away, father in another state and we don't keep much in contact. Brother is in his own world with his own problems. I consider my girlfriend my only family because she is the only one I stay in contact with. She basically takes care of me at this point. Unfortunately, she is very stressed out and we both end up making each other worse most of the time. It doesn't mean we don't love each other.

So I end up by myself and trying to limit the concussion symptoms. Hopefully soon I will start improving to the point where I can hold a conversation longer than 20 minutes.

I am off the Prozac for over three weeks due to the bad reaction which I'm still paying for. I still am experiencing the visual disturbances from the medication which leads me to believe they are here to stay. Trust me it would put anyone into a panic dealing with this symptom 24/7.

Luckily I have my first counseling (psychotherapy-CBT) appointment on Wed 15th. I have been trying to get in for a while and it is long overdue.

Thanks again for caring. I'm gonna continue to fight this thing to the best of my ability and pray that I can lead a fulfilling life someday.

I suggest you try to limit your conversations to 10 minutes. More frequent 10 minute conversations is much better than just a few 20 minute or longer conversations. There is nothing wrong with needing to keep conversations shorter. If you keep each conversation shorter, you should be able to have many more in a day.

Plus, consider the content of your conversations. Many longer conversations start getting into stressful issues. Abstract issues also tend to create cognitive load/stress. If you spend most of the time listening, that can be a much more stressful conversation. It takes a special person to listen to long winded people. You can not afford to be a dumping point for others so guard yourself from those types of conversations.

There are basically three different conversation topics. people, things, ideas. Talking about people tends to be the most stressful.

Dogs can be very good for anxiety if you find the right dog and it does not create living stresses regarding feeding, picking up messes, barking, etc.

We had an assistance dog consultant at our brain injury support group last winter. There are good programs to help if you have one in your area. You likely would just need help selecting the proper breed/temperament. I doubt you would need a dog that has been highly trained like some do. Basically, a good companion dog.

SSRI withdrawal symptoms can last for months. It can help to replace the SSRI with 5-HTP and maybe L-Theanine to support your likely need for serotonin. 5-HTP is cheap and easy to find. Worth a try.

My best to you.

I can totally identify with your predicament. My tbi was last November as well, and I too have scarcely left the house since. When I was seeing a neuropsych, she referred to it as setting up a "post concussive cocoon." (So here's to hopefully taking flight again :)).

Likewise I have lost touch with friends, except for the occasional short conversation, which ends up potentiating my symptoms more than easing my loneliness. But I completely sympathize with your feeling alienated, and all of the stress and paranoia that sometimes accompany it. But as you said, this is merely a step on the path to recovery, as interacting can often times be too overwhelming.

So during the time that you must be alone, I second Laupala's suggestion about taking short walks in nature. Of course, depending on where you live, keep an eye out for deer, and squirrels loosening acorns from high hanging tree branches. Lol. But besides that, it is a great way to rekindle that feeling of connectivity, which I have found can become quite diminished amidst the bustle of the high-tech, always-on urban/suburban life.

Oh and I have also taken up doodling just in the past few weeks, and this for me has been very therapeutic. If there are any thoughtless (not mindless) hobbies you can try, certainly ones that don't require electronics or wordplay, perhaps that will be another outlet. But I wish you well, and best of luck with your therapy.