Relapse
 

Hello,

I've been doing extremely well in the intervening month or so since my last post. I've been trying to avoid this website, as I noticed reading it regularly fuels my anxiety and makes me more likely to 'micro-manage' my symptoms.

Well, in short I was doing really well. I was able to write without hindrance, and felt well enough to begin searching for a job. I was looking forward to the Fall semester.

Then, just this Saturday we threw a party at my house. Just some neighbors & friends stopped by after a horseback riding competition, which I had helped judge earlier in the day.

When my friend was leaving, she went to hug me. Her arm reached up and her fingers hit me on the top of my ear/part of my head. It wasn't that hard, though in remembrance I believe I recall it as being more forceful than it actually was. My first thought after impact was, "Was that a new concussion?"
Immediately anxiety set in. I find I cannot differentiate between the wreckages/inflictions of anxiety and the symptoms of a TBI. It feels like my anxiety is some sort of autonomic response, so deeply ingrained that, once it gets going, I'm merely its prop.

My friend knows about my problems with anxiety/TBI fears, and evidently she didn't think the hit hard enough to even warrant comment or apology.

I took some painkillers I had left over from a surgery and they seemed to eradicate much of my anxiety/symptoms. But, if it was a new TBI, they would work in much the same way- they would get rid of the symptoms, right?

Is it possible that this hit caused a new concussion? It was an accidental tap to my head. Realistically it was probably <10 g in force, probably under 5. But I cannot beat my anxiety. My mom had been helping me. She told me, "In your heart you know it's not a concussion." I think she's right. Today she's at work, I'm at home alone, and have descended into a living hell.

I have not been able to find a doctor accepting new patients, so have been working at my anxiety on my own. I find I'm fine, so long as people don't tap my head.

Was this a new concussion? Or did it just cause a relapse of symptoms?

This was not a new concussion. It was not a relapse of symptoms. This was an anxiety attack. The day had already been a busy one. Your brain was fatigued. The slightest level of anxiety just put you over the edge.

Since you are not seeing a professional about your anxiety, what steps are you taking to reduce you anxiety levels ?

btw, I doubt the touch was even one G. One G is suddenly slamming on you brakes in the car. It causes your head to whip. This did not cause your head to whip. 0.1 G maybe. Like turning your head or plopping your head on your pillow.

Please find a way to accept this fact about impact forces.

Thanks Mark.

I'm really trying to rationalize with myself, but it's very difficult.

To be honest I am abjectly failing in my endeavors to manage my anxiety. I have gotten on the Vitamin regimen as described in the Sticky, (thanks for your contributions there, btw), and that does seem to help, to a degree.

I'm going to keep calling doctors in my area, who accept my insurance, in the hope of finding someone. I do need professional help. But it's very discouraging when every doctor I call is either not accepting new patients, or charges outlandish and untenable co-pays. In any case, I'll persevere.

I've found I have a very skewed perception of impact forces. So much so that, when a fly hits my head, I perceive it as a hard impact. I mean, my friend did kind of swing her arm up around my head, so maybe it was a hard impact after all. I don't know. Likelihood is you're right, it wasn't even 1 g.

Thanks for the rational response.

I guess when it comes down to, it being hit in the head is more traumatic than we realize at first cuz we sure seem to,fret and fume about protecting it.

I really hope I can bring myself to get on a waterski next summer.

Bud

Bud, The waterski will be easier than finding water you can ski on. Your drought has wandered up here to Idaho. Wheat crops are off at least 40%.

thomas, You could try calling your county mental health department and see if they can help you find a doctor who can help.

Finally got over the anxiety from Saturday night.

Now, it's back into the maelstrom.

As I was getting into a car this evening, my father had his hand extended and as I was getting in I moved my head into his hand. It, again, hit my ear/part of my skull. Could this be a concussion? H

He said there was no way the impact was, in his own words, "anywhere near concussive forces". But my anxiety is in automatic, high speed, cruise control overdrive. This was a different impact from Saturday night. I was moving, and I brought my head into his hand.

Perception has already skewed the event, so I'm sure I perceive it as being harder than it really was.

I'm thinking of checking myself into a psych ward, but I don't know how much of my insurance will cover it. Concussion or not, I can't live like this anymore.

I'm sorry to abuse this forum, and your kindness, by constantly seeking reassurance, but it helps me a great deal, Mark, to hear someone as knowledgeable as you quell my pseudo-psychosis.

Could that have been a concussion?

On another note, I'm getting myself to a doctor, psych ward or not, ASAP.

You can use the search tool to find past posts & replies by using key words like anxiety, reinjury, or relapse.
search link - http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/search.php

No, that was not a concussion. You have plenty of people telling what is real. Please try to believe them.

Where did you get the idea these contacts could be concussions ?

Thanks Mark.

As to where I got the idea. My anxiety cooked it up, I guess. Part of me harbors a nagging suspicion every single head hit I've ever sustained has just been a mild to moderate contact- not a concussion at all. At any rate, I've never taken a really hard hit to the head.

This isn't an accusation or anything, but I also once saw you say you could get a concussion from very light impacts. I (or my anxiety, rather) assumed I could too. But since these are contacts I guess that means they aren't impacts at all?

So, because I've never actually had a hard hit to the head, my anxiety has an easy time perceiving every single contact as something substantial.

But there's no way to be sure, and those hits, or whatever they were, are all in the past.

I have an extensive history with outrageously outlandish fears and phobias, as well as paranoias. For instance, because I once bought marijuana as a kid in high school, for a year or so I was deathly afraid I would be sent to jail. I convinced myself there was a manhunt out after me. Every cop car I saw would be gathering surveillance, and so on.

Ridiculous, but that's the way anxiety has always reduced my brain to the worst kinds of delusional illogic.

thomasm144
If you suffer that intensely with anxiety, then I would suggest perhaps you would be better served by our Psych Central community.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/

It just seems counterproductive to be continuing to ask the same questions here, despite being given reassurances.