Four Family Members Lost in a Flash
 

This week is always a tough one each year for my family and for me.

We all recall the then horrifying news of the crash of the flight four family members had taken that day. The loss of four at once was definitely devastating and had caused major shifts in lives, as the hole created within the family was huge. The heartbreak just so overwhelming. :(

At the same time, our hearts also went out to the many families having lost loved ones in the same plane crash. 80+ passengers. No survivors.

Many years have passed now. It's taken a long time to get to a truly peaceful space when remembering and feeling the loss.

I feel their souls had quickly found peace, for which I have always been grateful.:)

I still miss them very much. We all miss them.

We are grateful for the time we'd shared together!:)
We are grateful we had the opportunity to hug them at the airport just before they'd boarded their flight. :hug:

My family has endured many tragic losses. Some members are withdrawn and cannot reach out due to the pain of having suffered so many losses. Some of us are more open and express our love for one another even more than ever. Neither response is "correct" or better than the other. We all understand one another's limitations.:grouphug:

Life is fragile.

I have learned to let those I love KNOW I love and appreciate them, whenever I have the chance to do so.:hug:

Today, as I recall a tragic loss, I want to express my admiration, my appreciation and my deep gratitude for members here at the NeuroTalk family. :grouphug:

Warmly,
DejaVu

DejaVu,

While I feel your loss, you are Blessed to be able to express yourself so openly to Family and Friends alike.

You Brighten the Forums with your words, long may you grace us with your kindness.

Dave.

May Love and Light Prevail!
 

Hi Dave,

Thank you for sharing your insights.
Yes, I am deeply blessed, despite the many challenges.

I have done a tremendous amount of work within in an attempt to heal and to do my very best in trying to overcome the traumas and the challenges. It's been a lifelong struggle to remain as conscious as possible in each Present Moment.

Doing so has required I grieve and eventually release the grief, at a tolerable pace, eventually lightening the burden. I haven't perfected this, and will likely never do so. I feel at least some of the chronic pain and the diagnosed chronic illnesses, in my own case, are at least partially due to the severe and chronic stress of the intense repeated traumas and immense grief -- which may be also partially represented by the "chronic pain" lodged within my physical Being. Thus, healing is a continuous multidimensional endeavor, and a concept I constantly re-define.

It's my very strong and conscious intention to do my best to allow Love to triumph over fear, Light over darkness. Much easier said than done. However, it gets easier with time and with devoted practice.

I am very happy to spend time with our NeuroTalk family. We are each on our own healing paths and we each want to share with one another and encourage one another. This is an amazing group of people, each of us here with best of intentions. :grouphug:

May Love and Light prevail! :D

Shining Heart to Heart,
DejaVu

a beautiful perspective on grief for the living
 

dear friend

oh how you have tapped into my pain
oh how sad i am
failing to keep this family together
scattered they are all
all living their own life
and i don't know how to let go
of them
as abandonment ripple through
this life
not one in a good way
i have come to learn my eldest
is finally moving out of in-laws house
after two years
my son in no contact for years
calls just to hear my voice
when in a bad way
haven't heard from him since then
about a month
this is not about me needing my children to
complete me having to see them all the time
or even call everyday
but to have nothing from them
is so much like a suicide
while alive
should that make
sense to anyone
my depression has now taken on a physical level
lately i have noticed
before my eyes even open
as i stir to awake
i have a knot in my gut
of doom
despair
sadness that hurts
and i would think
this is temporary
but it is draining me
swallowing me up
i failed miserably
and then again
my children only see disconnect
in my relationship that does
NOT exist with a woman who gave birth
to three girls
i the oldest
the dynamics abnormal
and my mother turned the other way
how much more suffering will i endure
from my precious family
this is a death
it feels just like one
my family disconnected
and all i want is for them
is to be happy
love what they are doing
live life
me

Eva, Thank You!
 

Hi Eva,

Thank you for writing.

It's a very challenging adjustment when family is "MIA" and/or absent for prolonged periods of time and for any reason.

I feel it's especially difficult for a loving mother, such as yourself.:hug:

How does one "let go?"
Eva, you are holding onto hope and for good reason!:D

In the case of the plane crash, there were no phone calls coming now and then, there was no news of these particular loved ones beyond the day they'd perished. There was tangible evidence they'd perished. Eventually, since there was no word from these four family members, I had to let go. Yet, it took a long time, as I had many dreams in which they would appear and explain how they had survived. I was so happy to see them...and then would awaken to the reality that they were gone. I'd also think I'd see them on the street, in crowds, now and then. My mind kept playing tricks on me for a few years, as I could not fully "let go."

The immense sadness and grief went on for years and tore some of the extended family apart... and that has not yet been healed. :(
Yet, I continue to reach out and continue to be open to a shift toward healing for those so torn apart. I keep my heart open for a larger reunion should estranged family members want to reunite.

My heart feels deep sadness as you describe your sense of abandonment or aloneness feeling like a "suicide while being alive." I do understand your words and feelings, at least in part. I have felt exactly the same way at times, Eva.

We all need acknowledgement and a sense of belonging within a group and we all hope our families can, and will, provide this. The truth is, many families cannot provide this for various reasons. :(

Eva, for many years of my life, I had to find "family" in friends. My friends were my family on holidays, when needing support, etc. I hope you have some trusted friends as well.:hug:

I understand the feeling of deep depression upon awakening as well. I, too, have felt this at times and for prolonged periods of deep grief. During the most challenging times, it's been very hard to meet another day.

Your children are alive and you hold onto hope... and for good reason!:)

I still miss those MIA, either because they have perished or because they are still traumatized and withdrawn and won't talk with others. I miss them very much.

I am very lucky to have some good friends and to share a home with other adults. The companionship helps me to keep going, to keep trying to do my best, in spite of the deep pain of many losses.

Eva, I am very touched you've written and have shared with me.
You have an amazingly beautiful soul that shines, despite the deep pain you experience daily.

((((( Gentle Hugs to You, Eva )))))

Thank you for gifting me by sharing with me.

You and yours are in my prayers, Eva.

With Admiration, Gratitude and Lots of Heart,
DejaVu

DejaVu,
I am so sorry for your tragedy. My heart goes out to you and your family. May you always be surrounded by good friends to help you as you continue to heal.
Cheryl

Thank You, Cheryl
 

Hi Cheryl,

Thank you for writing. :)

My husband has been my best friend for over 20 years now. He is very kind, compassionate and supportive. We share many good friends and family.

We all understand loss. Cheryl, you and I have also lost brothers. :hug:
I am grateful for the sentiments you've expressed, Cheryl.

Sometimes, the love and support of "the village" helps in healing.:grouphug:

With Gratitude,
DejaVu

Thinking of you during this difficult week
 

Dear DejaVu,
Experiencing a loss as profound as you and your family have endured is not something I could ever imagine, and I am sorry for all you have been through. Thank you for reaching out and sharing with all of us.

The ramifications of such a tragedy just don't seem to stop.
Maybe one day you will have that family get together where you can all put the past events aside for one day and just BE together. That is a lovely gathering to hope for. I will say a prayer that it happens.

My family, much like Eva has also explained, is also splintered. Like you, I have found my family in friends. Many of them on these forums.

I hope you and your family continue to heal and this week passes with just a bit more understanding and a little less pain.

My best,
Diandra

Diandra, Thank You!
 

Hi Diandra,

Thanks for writing such a heartfelt message.
Each written response has brought tears of joy during this anniversary time.

I'd enjoy the type of gathering you describe. Some of us can, and do, get together, thankfully. The family splintering was significant in response to feelings about this event. In addition, family has suffered an astounding number of tragedies, which can take a huge toll on everyone. I'd once had it explained to me by an insightful psychiatrist -- She'd told me the number and frequencies of family tragedies would have a similar effect upon family members as the traumatizing effect upon people living in a war zone.

Some of us chose to seek help with grieving and trauma. :)
Those of us having chosen to seek help are able to get together and share with one another, and are able to have more rewarding relationships in general.

Some have not chosen to seek help.
It's an individual choice and one I do respect. Some feel they cannot withstand processing the events in therapy or otherwise. I can understand their feelings of overwhelm. :hug:

Thank you for your message of understanding, hope and healing.
Thanks, too, for your prayers. :hug:

With Deep Gratitude,
DejaVu

i am so sorry your loss DejaVu. i am sending heartfelt prayers your way.