Feeling like a failure...
 

It's been a really rough week for me...flare started Monday at work when a fellow employee playfully smacked my elbow while we were in a meeting. So my arm flared up and that was at the start of a 10 hour shift. So with my arm hurting I couldn't put as much weight on my arms while using my walker...which means more weight on my leg...so by the end of the night my leg was flaring. And then EVERYTHING started flaring...even my csection incision site which rarely gets bad (the internal one always hurts but the external one has never gotten this bad). I kept going to work tuesday and Wednesday and was off yesterday. I tried to take it easy on my day off but fell. Now today I had to call off work because despite sleeping downstairs and not holding the baby last night...I'm still in agony. Times like these I just feel like a complete failure...at work...as a mom...ugh! I'll get over it...but I just hate being so helpless.

you're not a failure catra. it's not you're fault you have rsd. it just happens to some of us. you are trying to do the best you can and that's all anyone can do. the fact that you get up everyday and keep trying is proof that you are a success in life. try not to be so hard on yourself. sounds to me like you're doing a great job. soft hugs.

Dear sweet Catra,

It is so frustrating when you get knocked back and all too easy to give yourself a hard time about it. We have all been there.

I am always struck by how strong and resilient you are. Working, parenting, all why trying to care for yourself...it's no wonder you flare sometimes! Who can balance that? Many people would struggle sometimes doing half what you do.

I am so sorry you had a tough week and hope the next one is easier on you. Give yourself a gentle hug from me and kiss the baby's sweet head. You are a wonder!

Sending healing love, :hug:

I don't have much in the way of positive wisdom...

I just want you to know, you are not alone. I feel like that everyday and no one seems to care except the few people here. Some days I can't even get out of bed and cry all day because it hurts too much to stand long enough to shower...

2 years ago, I was independent; a nurse. Today, I am pathetic. I get it.

You do a lot! You work and care for your family! It's understandable that you have some down days

Catra,

This RSD passage IMO is much harder for you than it is for me, because you are the mother of a young baby. But you are by no means a failure. A failure is someone who is able, but chooses not to be. You did not choose to have RSD. You did not choose to have a flare. I hope you get through this recent set back and you have brighter days ahead.

Velkyn,

I gave up trying to take a tub (I needed help to get in and out) or stand (the pain was unbearable) in the shower. I have a shower chair wedged in the tub so I can sit while I shower. The chair also allows me to get in and out of the tub without help from my husband. We have been married for over 40 years, but it was still mortifying to need his help.

Thanks guys. Sometimes I just need a safe, judgement free zone to let my thoughts out. I try so hard not to burden people with my own troubles and difficulties. Even at work...that other employee felt SO bad that she hit me like that and I know she didn't mean to hurt me...and it made ME feel bad to have made HER feel bad. Ugh! It can all just be such an emotional trap. The hardest part for me is taking that time to just REST and recover. With the baby at daycare today I am spending the day on the couch with my feet up...and I'm bored out of my mind and find that when I'm not doing things the pain seems even more intense because I have nothing to distract me. Please forgive my whining...

I gave up on showers years ago...I cannot take the water pelting me like that. I take warm baths every day...twice a day if I can find the time because its one of the few things that helps my body wide pain.

And now I'm having chest pains...feels like pleurisy which I've had before...inflammation of the lining of the lungs. This happens sometimes with bad flare ups and I'm left here wondering if I should bother going to the er or continue to rest.

Catra,

Do not risk pleurisy becoming something more. Please get it seen to.

Dave.