Parents again/ mostly Dad
 

Hi,
I'm closer to Dad than Mom and our personalities are more a like. Maybe that is why he can set me off more than Mom can.

Dad is going completely overboard with planning for the 3 day Labor weekend visit with hubby and me. He is ex-miliary and a huge planner for every minute. He used to type schedules of his visits. :holysheep: We made him stop that.
He and Mom are going to get a crappy hotel in a crappy part of town (no one asked my opion first) and borrow one of our cars to hang out with hubby and me for meals, activities, exericse, and big discussions about my father's current work.

Every time I deal with them by email or phone I call my sister and cry.

She tells them to give me a break because I am crazy.
Today I called to tell her to be more specific w/ them and to give her more info:

I Have a Mood Disorder.

I work very hard to stay on an even keel. :Trapeze 2:
Almost any disturbance can change the direction of the mood, including Dad's crap phone calls about what restaurant he wants to eat at AND his his next phone call in which he changes his mind and wants a different kind of special food -- like he doesn't get to eat good except when he travels. :thud:
Hubby and I are supposed to find good restaurants for them before they get here. (Hubby and I HATE going out to eat btw.) :confused:

Sis told them to leave me alone. I will see them at the airport.
That's the attititude I am taking.
I am not worrying about cleaning/organizing the apt/or unpacking moving boxes for them.
If we have to eat pic nic style on the floor because there is too much crap on the dining room table or some of us have to sit on the floor with pillows because we only have one couch (no chairs) in living room, then the heck with it.
I'm going to focus being nice to them when they get here. I will need 5 or so weeks to focus on that --especially after our last truly disaster visit last summer at their place.
:mf_swordfight:



He has even told me how I should spend my day before I pick them up at the airport at 6:00 pm! :eek: :mfr_wha:
He is a control freak.
I don't try to control others but I do try to control my environmnet and the conditions/people I allow into it. I am usually somewhat/fairly successful. :rain:

I'm going to try to thing positive about this. I am going to forget about them until I see them. I have many things to do involved with my sanity right now and they do not fit into that picture. I will stay busy with my own life and with being with hubby. I reached this conclusion on Thursday and an feeling good about it. Now I have to stick to my own resolution.
http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/outfitted/shades.gif

I really hope its okay, I feel so bad for you with your Dad's attitude, it's got to be totally frustratint Mari. :hug: It shouldn't have to be that way, but let's face it, you nailed it in the next to last paragraph, he's a control freak. People like that expect everyone else around them to just up and listen to their drill sargent rules and expectations of any given situation. And reality is that that is unfair and unreasonable of that person to do to their loved ones.

I am so sorry that you're having to deal with this after all that you're going through with the lack of sleep and everything. Hang in there, even this too shall pass. :hug:

your sister sounds like a doll...does your father have a temper? I am assuming he doesn't
I think your resolution is so right on...it would be awesome if you could keep it.
It is so hard being bipolar because we are not crazy and nothing escapes us...if you reached my state, you wouldn't have as many problems because you wouldn't have as many choices lol....I would tell them not to mention where they are staying because it puts my anxiety beyond the ballastic zone ...if they mention the state of my apartment you would have to peel me off the ceiling...which would create a greater and more dangerous mess.
if you keep on flipping in and out about restaurants i would start dry heaving at the mention of food....etc etc....i would lay it on thicker than reality but boy would i give them a joy ride of what it can be like being bipolar.....
Did I mention when I had to visit my parents as an adult I would usually throw up immediately when I got there...lol...talk about violent reactions
I think your resolution is splendid...it is a real tough one to keep but so well worth it....a huge thumb's up.
Bobby

You are sane about this.
I agree with everyone here.
Please do what you must to not obcess and be consumed by this behavior...easier said than done.
Some times it is just so hard not worrying...you are a care taker and how do you change this characteristic?
You have the hurricane season approaching so this is just one more "BIG" thing to worry about.
ARe you finished with your work responsibilites now?

I think you have the right idea in your resolve...
You are doing the right thing for your well being.
bizi

HooRah. Can't take the military out of the man, can we, Mari. I am sorry :hug: . My dad is getting too old to hang on to the teeniest details of control anymore. It is actually a blessing. He's still a control freak, he just can't do anything about it. Maybe your dad will get to the point where he just can't do it any more either?

I REALLY like how you have resolved to endure this visit. It sounds very realistic and very adult.

You are amazing. :)

Mari,

It sounds like you have a good plan in place.

befuddled2

Hi,
My mother actually has a few un dx'd/untreated mental health disorders -- so she is no picnic either. She's worse than he is in terms of her mental health. My father left us with her when left for his military duties. My siblings and I stayed very close to each other while we were growing up to survive and we are still trying to get over the resentment of being left with her.


I get over optimistic sometimes and think that by the time they get here on Labor Day weekend, I will be sleeping better and taking care of my apartment better..... Then I get stressed when I can't accomplish those things. I am going to forget about meeting my goals in terms of their visit dealine. I wiill work on my goals for my own sake and hubby's.

Thanks for your comments. It is nice to know that I am not alone.

Morgy, he does have a temper. And he is a drinker. But he can be mean without the drink. Hubby and I don't drink because he is Muslem and I don't want alcohol in my life after what I saw growing up.
Throwing up for each visit is a CLEAR sign from your body. Wow. It couldn't get much clearer. Sometimes, I think that the problem is me. Then I try to listen to what my body is telling me. I'm still learning.

Pam, your post reminds me that just because he is a control freak doesn't mean that I have to react any differenly to him than I do to anyone else.

Mrs. Bear, you and I have similiar experiences. I wonder how my father will handle growing older. Right now he seems to have a huge need to travel and plan. I think that the planning is more rewarding to him than the travel itself.

Befuddled, thanks. It seems like I need a plan in place in order to deal with a planner personality!

Bizi, I even let myself worry once in a while that we could have a hurricane watch on that weekend. I told him that in an email a few months ago. We'll need extra supplies. :p

I was so hoping that you would say he didn't have a temper...my father had one too and it was worse when he wasn't drinking. When you a young and have a father with a temper and a father who drinks, I think you become the out of control control freak. It is like the enemy is within the house and there has to be a lot of latent fear that may have never been dealt with.
Whatever you do know the problem has been them working as a team against little you....two against little you. how can a child have a chance? add to that being bipolar so how can an adult have a chance resolving all the issues.
Please be so kind and gentle to yourself and when you start trying to blame yourself just tell yourself what a sweet innocent you are and YOU WILL SURVIVE THEM. I AM SO GLAD YOU HAVE YOUR HUSBAND.
BOBBY

Mari,
I am on theway out the door to work, but I wanted to tell you I was thinking of you. Labor day is a summer of happy memories and days away. if I couldgive you anything it would be tons of happiness between now and then so thaqt even the visit could not stress them away,

I am glad at least they are staying in a motel, the reasons they choose it, I guess they know. But it will place less stress for you. I guess your sistermust mean well, but man sisters can be maddening, especially when they lack information or words. You did give a good thought though.

Enjoy whatyou can, plan some activities that will make you happy. Make memories. My parents are gone several years now, but I remember family trips, picnics, holidays. The bad stuff just doesn;t seem improtant anymore enough to bemy first memories.

Love and hugs to you.
Di

Ditto - Mari you are doing the right thing, just live in the moment. I think it's a good thing they are staying at a hotel.

Some people just will never understand BP.

Hang in there, it's okay to cry.......

Nikko:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: