URGENT HELP Ever feel "inability to stay focused?"
 

I'm at work now and I am having a real hard time staying focused for more than 10 seconds. I'm thinking I want to have someone drive me home.
Physically I feel normal. Just can't stay focused on one task. Can't think straight. Have to think hard about what I'm doing and what to do next. Not normal... I've been doing this job for 30years!

Had a LOT LOT LOT of stress over the weekend. Kids are out of control!
Any suggestions? Ideas Input?

I'm feeling nauseous and trouble focusing my eyes...
 

Just have done all the "no brainer" stuff, and don't want to make any mistakes on the stuff I have to focus on. Feel like I am not "here" enough to do what needs to be done.

What kind of leave can I take where I can get full pay and take some time off work? Like medical leave? I have about 6 vacation days. I think I need two weeks or so to get my health together. My daughter is making my life crazy and I need to get it under control. The stress is making me sick and I have to deal with it.

Usually work is a detraction for me, but this time I am really overwhelmed by the whole thing.

Not sure about your position
 

Can you take an emergency medical leave? And perhaps get some help with your daughter, maybe a relative. Stress alone will make it hard to focus on what you are doing.

Billye

Focusing, for me has either....
 

been due to new stresses or the addition of a new medication or a titration up on a medication dose I'm already on. Obviously one has happened, but has the other?
The two combined well....means trouble for you.
When I was on neurontin, well, I had the attention span of a gnat! Topamax-I got the brain back, but it did little for the pain. I'm now on Keppra and that's my balance drug. No I didn't get 'keppra rage' on it. I lost my cool when I went on a cancer AI...now THAT is another story!

Is there a friend who could take on the kids for a 1/2 day on one of your days off? Just so you can wind down yourself? That could be a blessing I would think!

Hope you can get it all under control - j

Daughter IS the stressor!
 

Daughter is 20, "her" daughter is 4... MY daughter is being irresponsible and very permiscuous and not responsible around her own daughter. Lots of drama with the father of the baby... who is a good daddy and has been in her life all along. Daughter pays rent and is on the lease.
Daddy came and picked up the little one and is threatening to take the little one away because little one says she got up and went into mommys room and slept in bed with mommy and mommy's lover. I told my daughter NEVER to let that happen! Bring little one to my room to sleep with me if she wants to sleep with an adult! Daughter says she wasn't aware that her daughter climbed into the bed.... bla bla bla... daughter shouldn't have had lover spend the night when her daughter was there! HOUSE RULE! I had fallen asleep and didn't catch it.

Drama drama drama... now my ex-husband, myself and the baby's daddy are all upset with my daughter. I have to live with her. I don't want a custody battle to ensue with the baby's father. They have never been married. I have basically raised little one since her birth. However, the stress of MY daughters behavior is getting to be too much for my health! Can't send her to her fathers house, he is re-married with a wife and two small children and his wife will not allow her to come into their home because she has caused too many problems in their marriage. Daughter does not make enough money to survive out on her own with her daughter!

You have some options here. Hard ones yes, but you do have options. The guilt is what's eating you up. You don't really like having your daughter live there. That's what is destroying your health. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

What are your options?? You either give the baby to the father (for a short time) until your daughter gets her act together.

Now the second option isn't pretty. You evict your daughter. The mere fact that she had a man in her bed while living in your house (well that would do it for me) but the fact that the baby saw this, well, it's a no-brainer. This is called tough love. It's tough and it's love.

Alan and I used to go to Tough Love meetings every single week for years. You hear lots of things and you learn not to enable. It's very hard on parents but if the kids are ever to grow up and assume responsibility, well, if they never learn to do this, they never do it.!!!! Simple as that.

Is this easy??? Of course not!!! Is this necessary??? If you want to maintain your sanity, well, you have to find a way to make SOMETHING happen. Your daughter is not going to just get up and move out. She has it good, why should she, you take care of her child. She's learned she can do this and you'll take over.

Please don't think I'm trying to hurt you or be mean, but when you've been to as many support groups and tough love meetings as I have, well, you learn lots of stuff and lots of coping mechanisms.

You need to concentrate on your health. Stress is a killer.

Reminds me of when my girlfriend Barbara did a favor for her daughter-in-law's brother. He had a baby with a girlfriend and the girl's mother would not let him move in with the girl and her baby. He was an ex-con.

So what did my friend do?? She let him live in her mom's basement. He promised he would fix it up, he did have a job and he did pay her $300 a month. She felt sorry for him. What did he do??? He sneaked in her kitchen one day, jimmied the back door and went up to her bedroom and robbed her.

She went crazy. She thought she was doing a good thing but it backfired.

We, as parents, want to do the right thing by our children, but when it involves our own well-being, well sometimes we have to put ourselves first.

I have learned to do this. So has Alan. And hopefully, so will you!!!!

We all have our circumstances. But, if the baby's daddy is a good guy, maybe your daughter needs to learn a lesson here.

I am most certainly not trying to be intrusive or butt in. But since you did post and you need help, and I'VE LIVED THIS, BELIEVE ME, I'VE LIVED THIS, we have to help each other out here.

At least consider some options and get yourself some stress free space.

Sincerely,
Melody

Couple of thoughts . . .
 

I would suggest that you consult with a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist. Being a psychologist, I am a bit partial perhaps . . .

The idea being -- they could put you on temporary medical leave for "stress." You do not appear to have a "physical" condition that makes you eligible at this time. But "stress" or something similar is just as good in terms of qualifying. I believe you are in CA, and there are state laws covering this.

I had occasion to do this for a number of my patients over the years - sometimes I was the one who suggested this course and sometimes it was the patient asking for it. I rarely refused to do so, and I don't think you would have a problem. Most shrink-types really want to help and I think most would probably feel that it would be appropriate to do so for you at this time.

Also, you could benefit by learning some specific techniques to help you let go of stress and stay relaxed as well as being able to keep focus. In general, I would say psychologists have better training to do these kinds of things, although there certainly are psychiatrists around who also specialize in this area, without trying to just throw meds at folks (psychologists are not authorized to prescribe medication).

If you were able to find such a professional you really liked, then you might benefit from a little therapy that would help you sort through your situation, enabling you to figure out what you need to do. In case you don't know this -- any good therapist will not just tell you what to do . . . you need to be the one to figure that out. But sometimes throwing a little more light on the path can help, or perhaps stepping aside and looking at things from a different perspective, and so forth, can really trigger your own wisdom and skills to work effectively.

rafi

Seams:

When I read Rafi's posting, I realized the first thing I should have said was "see if you can speak to a therapist about your current situation".

Rafi said exactly that!!!

Way to go Rafi!!!

Mel

foar your daughter
 

I highly suggest this book: The Good Mother, by Sue Miller. It's a painfully good novel about a woman who loves her child dearly, but who, because of indiscretions with her lover, lost her to father who had money and stability because of the indiscretion.

http://amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/002...he+good+mother

First of
 

all LJ is 100% right that is one good book.
And Rafi's right you really need to get help with stress relief. I had to do
this and i'm so glaad i did. We know how much you love your kids
but now you must come first. So hard to put yourself first,mothers
seem to battle this even when they grow up. I know your worried about
the little one,and she needs you as healthy as possibal.
Try and find a good Psychologist,my daughter-in-law a Psychiatrist would
more than agree. So many blessings coming your way. :hug: Sue