The worst is over?
 

Hello,

Today marks 10 months since my workplace injury and 13 months since a preceding head injury, which together upended my life and shipped me along on this hellish road most or all of us have come to know. I'm pleased to write that as far as I can tell, the worst is over.

Though of course I still experience daily symptoms and have incredible limitations on what I can safely and comfortably do, I'm finding that for the first time in nearly a year, I actually experience lasting moments of peace, and sometimes, even joy. Slowly but surely, the weight of pain and of mental chaos is lifting. Week by week and month by month, I find within myself more and more available energy, and fewer instances of panic and despair.

I want to express gratitude for the people of this site. I'm grateful to anyone who has shared their story or taken interest in each other's stories on the forum. Early on, when I knew nothing and when every day was one prolonged fight-or-flight nightmare, it made all the difference to be able to read someone else's struggle. Knowing who was out there relieved some of the desolation, and empowered me enough to continue living. There was a sense of unity and of understanding I could not have gotten from my family, or from the few crony doctors I visited, who were all as freaked and confused as I was most of the time. That, or utterly distant and disinterested.

Lastly, I am grateful to those who offered reassurance on my panic posts. To have someone willing to engage and respond— to get their hands dirty so to speak— during those all too frequent mental crises probably saved me a half a dozen hospital visits. Those calls for help were answered here.

So to those still crawling through hell, I can now say from experience that you will at some point come to an oasis. I can't say when exactly, but it will happen. And though I can't attest to anything like a 100% recovery, I can attest that there is a path through, and away from your present misery.

Beelzebore,

Truly glad for you!! Nothing like coming out of the cocoon this places us in.

Bud

Really nice to hear Bee... grats.

of all your symptoms which ones remain?

congrats on a solid recovery!

Many symptoms. Well a lot of the cognitive muck is still here, though it's difficult to peg specifics. Like I still have difficulty verbalizing, word finding, and conversing. Writing is much easier. Obsessiveness is a big one. A week ago I had a song stuck in my head for 3 days straight! It was maddening. Then there's short-term memory, though at the supermarket I caught the cashier ring up the wrong price on whatever produce :P. I also have great difficulty with planning and execution. Really I think that all of the wonderful frontal lobe functions are still pretty shabby. Oh and I seriously feel asexual.

On a sensory level, my vision is still quite warped.The world looks like a stop motion animation on acid a lot of the time.

I think about my brain as like a computer with 50% charge. I'll try not to engage in anything that would require hours of focus or a great exertion of energy because once that charge is spent, everything else is worsened. Would want immediate rest after that, probably even a nap. If I act moderately however, I'm at the point where I can basically stretch the 50% charge to last the whole day.

But so far, gone are the panic attacks and migraines and auras. No more awful nighttime hallucinations and getting woken up by perceived explosions in my head. No more *brain zaps* or twitching fits. And no longer feel like there are 10 lb. weights in my shoes.

That is great to hear! I also found that after the "mental chaos" and intense anxiety dissipated, I was able to heal at a faster pace. If you keep stress low and concentrate on the things that make you feel good, I think you will find progression much quicker this next year. At least that is what I have experienced.

Have you tried vestibular or vision therapy for your warped vision? Vestibular therapy helped me a lot with my warped vision. It is not 100% better, so I just got the name of an optometrist that does vision therapy and I'm thinking about trying it.

Hi RRC.

That really is wonderful to hear.

As far as the therapies go, I haven't but would like to try them. I saw a sports medicine doctor who said it helps a lot of people, so he wrote referrals for vestibular therapy and a neuro-opthalmologist. I was long awaiting a workers comp case to give me the green light. Then, ex-employer's insurance denied my claim shortly after the case was opened. I got an attorney, but am learning that there is little sense of urgency when it comes to the WC courts. So my next hearing isn't for another 2 months.

You are also involved with the WC system right? I wonder what your experience with that has been like.

Hi
Yes, I'm in the work. comp. system. It's unfortunate that the ins. company denied your claim. Is your employer denying your claim as well, or did they cooperate and fill out all the right paperwork? For me the process has been fairly smooth, except that the ins. company won't cover some of the therapies, like treatment for my neck. But the ins. company and my ex-employer accepted my claim and have been accepting the doctor's recommendations for being out of work.

Yes, it all moves VERY slowly. There were points where the ins. company would deny my therapy and then we would appeal it, but it would take so long that I would just decide to pay for it myself and hope to get reimbursed. You could probably go that route where you pay for it yourself and if your case goes through, you can get reimbursed for medical expenses. But that would be a lot of money up front.

I hope that you are able to get it resolved.

PS - It wouldn't hurt to get checked out by a neuro-ophthalmologist, but the one I saw could do nothing for me. I have read that it is a specially trained optometrist that does the type of vision therapy that might help us. Just FYI.

The employer did what they were supposed to, but their insurance company rushed to deny the claim. I was actually told that NY is among the worst states in terms of WC, on account of NYC producing lots and lots of claims, many of which I'm sure are as bogus as the insurance people suspect. I'm glad yours is going (mostly) well though, despite what sounds like some absurd hindrances. And I'm not in a position to pay anything out of pocket, but at this point, what's a couple more months of waiting?

Also I appreciate the information regarding (neuro??)optometry. I have added it to the growing grocery list of treatments to investigate in the coming months. :pizza: