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Something to talk about...

As some of you may, or, may not know, I am recently, divorced. It was final on April, 9th.My ex, still lives here with me, mostly, for the reason, that, I am lonely here by myself. We tried him moving out. It only lasted for 3 days. He's a drunk. To be quite honest. I have alot, of problems with him. I always have. I am in the process of getting my driver's license back, after almost 10 years, without it. I just purchased myself a car. So, for now, and, it has been this way for a long, long, time. My ex is driving me around. He takes me to work. Which, is only about 1 1/2 mi. from our house. Most days, I find my own way home. I cannot tell you on how many, many, occasions, I have walked myself home. Sometimes, in blistering heat, wearing a black, polyester, uniform. Because, he was at the bar, drinking, and, did not want to leave to bring me home yet. We're not talking about one beer, that takes 15 minutes to drink. We're talking HOURS, of drinking. Incidentially, I have to now give him at least $10.00/per day for him to take me to work. Not to mention, buy him cigarettes, and, occasionally, beer, also. This, is his price for a five minute car ride. In the past two days, I have given him $80.00 to take me to work, and, home, three minutes down the road from my work, on the way home, to the tanning bed, and, about 5 miles down the road, to the YMCA. Tonight, I waited 1/2 hour past, the time the YMCA was closed, for him to pick me up. We had agreed upon 10:00 p.m. pick-up time. I finally, started walking, at 10:30 p.m. And, this, is SUCH typical behavior of him.
Then, to make matters worse, he tries to guilt me every chance he gets. For one, if, I won't cook his food (like tonight) , he just won't eat at all. He's incredibly underweight. And, he knows, that, it makes me feel bad, when, he doesn't eat. Another guilt trip, is whenever, I threaten to cut off the money supply to him, he threatens suicide. He calls me his best friend. If, this, is how he treats his best friend, how, does he treat his enemies? I'm tired of being used. I REALLY want to find a new boyfriend. Someone, who, would step in, and, put an end to all this. I feel, trapped, to say the least. It's quite a trade off just to not be completely alone. Anyway, sorry for rambling, just had to get this off my chest.

Peace, and, Love,
Cgirl

So he is not working at all???
Who's name is on the car title and insurance that he is driving?

If he gets in a wreck, is drunk - pray he doesn't kill or injure anyone - because if it is your name on those ???
Something to think about :(

You will never have a chance to meet someone new with him staying there.

He is manipulating you and using you & you know it - but I don't know what to tell you to get him to move on.
- but as long as you give him money and feed him and let him sleep in the same place why would he leave???

I hope you aren't riding in the car with him when he is drunk!

Part-time. About 25 hrs./wk. His name is on the title, and, insurance, of the car he is driving. But, on the new car, will go my name, and, insurance. I do ride with him when he's drunk. If, I didn't, I would NEVER be able to get anywhere. And, I know, you are right about liking myself. It's hard to do sometimes though. I've been thinking very negatively about myself for so long. It's like they say, "old habits, die hard". --Thanks--

Peace, and, Love,
Cgirl

CG, what on earth are you doing?!? You're putting up with all that just for the sake of not being alone? You see, it doesn't really work. You ARE alone... you just now have a drunken bum holding you down. Do you really believe he will be there for you in any "time of need"? He can't even manage to pick you up from work on time... how's he going to handle a real emergency?

I was married to a drunk for seven years, had two sons by him... only thing he was good at was making smart and handsome boys. He was in the navy, a nuclear technician, very smart and made good money. To the outside world, he seemed like a fine husband. You had to be married to him to see the real "man".

But when the boys were 7 & 3, I decided alone was the way to be. He treated me better than your ex does you, but still it was too much for me.

Until you are good at being alone, comfortable with yourself as a human being, you can't hope to make a decent relationship work. It takes two emotionally healthy people to make a marriage work. Being insecure and unsure of yourself won't get better because you are with a good guy... it'll bring him down instead. And that's just not fair to the good guy.

I am sorry for your dilemna Cgirl, but the others are right. You are endangering yourself every time you get into a vehicle w/him. Ask yourself if all this is really worth it.

You need to feel better about yourself, get your driver's license and show him the door....*the last two are in no particular order*

It's like having a stray animal show up at your back door... feed it and it'll never leave..... take care Cgirl and please start putting yourself and your safety first... :hug:

Hey C Girl... A Taxi would be cheaper AND safer!

As far as being alone... hey... you've got the internet... And all of our Happy Faces :D
Do you have children? If not... be happy
If so, this is not a good environment for them to be in.
If you are lonely, use the time to do some cleaning up and organizing.

I've been divorced for 17 years, and believe me, it can get L O N E L E Y !

Every time I dump a guy I get my hair cut, or change the color of it, clean out my bedroom, change my furniture around in my house, and do something funky to the house! None of it costs money, (except the hair cut, but usually I do that myself anyway!) And it makes me feel like I have taken back control of my life. It helps me focus on "me" for a while, and not how sad I am and I get things CLEAN around thouse. I get CONTROL of things... the way "I" WANT them... and not how he wants them. Girly it up around there! Put some pink curtains up, or light some fancy candles, do all the stuff he didn't like you to do when he was around!

All the money you can save by not giving him gas money and drinking money, spend a little bit of it at WalMart and buy a couple of cutsey things, like some fun place mats for the table, or a few new pillows for the couch... just a few dollars can bring some new life into the place. Cleaning it up and airing it out does a lot for your self esteem too!

Stay Busy, give yourself a make-over (New polish on your TOES is always fun!) and get on the computer! Email all your old girlfriends. Focus on "YOU" for a while! Think about what a good person you are and what a good job you have been doing.

Get back on this board and keep us up to date on what's going on.
Frankly, I'm pretty bored hearing about these chocolate fights... give us some "real" stuff to talk about!

I've got a lot of drama in my life too... and I'll drop my life drama here soon... But I'm thinking we might need a board for "Drama in our lives"
(hint hint) to the board managers... We have a social board... health boards, but no "my family sucks and I need advice on how to deal with them board"

Thanks,

Terri

dear cgirl

first i would like to give you a very special http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b2...575-19-044.jpg

you have had such genuine good and caring advice here that there really isnt much more for me to say except that we are here for you whenever you need to vent about this really hard situation you are living with.

to lose yourself for fear of being by yourself would be such a tragic loss:(

I know stepping out from what is familiar and oddly comfortable, even when it is intolerable, is so hard to do.

But if and when you feel able to rediscover YOU instead of being engulfed by him and what he has degenerated your life into, then I hope you will use all the support you can find to get you back in the driver's seat of your life. We will sure be here to cheer you on!
:)

Once, I get my license back, I will gain alot more freedom. I'll not be stuck doing whatever it is he's doing. I'll be able to go out by myself, and, actually start meeting more people. Right now, the only people in my life really, are him, and, the girls I work with. They're good friends to me, but, that's a really small world to be stuck in. The whole situation is very frustrating for me. He's got a good heart, and, I really like him as a person. I just wish, he didn't treat me this way so often. Well, really, at all. Thanks, for all of the replies, everyone. I'm feeling happier today. Things are starting to look up for me. I have a feeling, I will have my license back within a week or two. I went to have it reinstated last week, only to find out that I have a $1030.00/ticket that has to be paid before it can be reinstated. I put a good chunk of money down on that, (everything I had in my wallet at the moment), and, I had planned on making payments on the rest over the next month or two. But, I did break-down, and, ask my mom for the money a couple of days ago. She said she would think it over for a couple of days, and, get back to me. That, usually means yes. Just waiting now, to hear back from her. Maybe by this weekend. Everyone keep your fingers crossed for me. Thanks!!

Peace, and, Love,
Cgirl:winky:

CG, you really do need to put down your foot where all of this is concerned. I know how hard it is for you to do that, but I promise that after it's done you will be happy about it. I can't stress enough how much I believe this! You deserve better!