Today is my 38th Birthday...I should be happy, instead I'm depressed & in pain! 😔
 

Hello all,

I've been here awhile but never posted anything. I usually just browse through the posts to see if anyone is going through the same things I am at the time, but I've decided to post something here because well, it's my 38th birthday and it totally sucked! I hate that this disease has robbed me of my joy and my ability to like things I used to. I hate that it's taken away my energy and all I feel like doing is sleeping or laying in my bed. I hardly interact with my family and it hurts me more than anything! I've been diagnosed with CRPS on the entire left side of my body...my ENTIRE LEFT SIDE!!!! It's been 7 years now, I've also been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I'm sure I've got other stuff going on but I'm seriously tired of seeing doctors so who knows anymore.....I'm writing this because I feel alone. I feel like nobody really knows how devastating this disease is and I'm writing this because it's my birthday and I should be enjoying it rather than being depressed and not wanting to get out of my bed! I'm writing this because I want the New Year to be better than this past one....it was/is miserable to say the least! I'm writing this because I think I need people who understand me! I'm writing this because I just want my old life back...or actually I want a life that I can be apart of and enjoy! I'm writing this because I can't stand the firey pain I am currently feeling on the top of my left foot. I'm writing this because I feel ugly looking at my body. My toenails have turned brownish and yellowish my arm and leg are swollen and going thru it's color stages and I'm underweight and I wish I could just gain it back. My hairs a mess, I got dark circles under my eyes and I seriously look like the walking dead! I'm writing this so I can get it out because I always have to bottle it up and put on the fake face. I'm writing this so I can feel some sort of normalcy. I don't know I'm just writing this.......

I don't know anything about your condition, but I do know you sound alone and lonely and sick and tired of being sick and tired. I can appreciate the feelings. Do you pray? Sometimes prayer to God can relieve pain in ways that medications cannot. Give it a try. If you don't know how to pray, try reading a little of the Bible and offer that up as a prayer. Good luck.:)

Hi Jenn,

I'm very glad that you chose to write this. Many of us who have CRPS can relate. I know, I can! This disease is definitely a taker of what was once a normal life. And many of us have a tough time just making it to the fridge. Because of all that CRPS takes from us and because of the excruciating pain, it is tough to deal with. Thank you for venting. This is a good safe place to do just that. Again, thank you for your post. It is nice to know that we are not alone! And neither are you. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help!

Hello and Happy Birthday Jenn,

I am glad you reached out. Sometimes it's just good to vent. You are not alone. Dealing with pain, day in and day out is exhausting and it can just get you down. Depression and anxiety are not uncommon. I had a very difficult time at the beginning and was in a dangerously deep pit of despair for about 18 months. That's too long to go untreated. Like many, I had gone from being extremely active and carefree to dragging myself around (literally).

I credit a therapist with saving my life. The work we did together really helped me move forward and accept the losses. She used EMDR and hypnosis and I found both quite helpful for addressing depression and pain. This is not to say I don't have down days anymore, because sometimes we all struggle with the changes. But I am better able to be happy and content and be present with those I love.

If you do not have a therapist helping you through then it may be time to find one. There are even FaceTime or online options for those who can't get out, though I think a live interaction is best.

Thanks for sharing your birthday with us even if you were down in the dumps. As I have told my spouse many times throughout my ordeal "sometimes I just need to cry and get a hug".

I am sending you many hugs and thoughts of healing and peace in the New Year.
:hug:

Happy Birthday Jenn,
So sorry of the circumstances but I hope for the best for you.
We may not know each other but we know all too well what is going on.
Be well and safe...

Hi Jenn,

I want to wish you a Happy Birthday!

We all suffer so much with this disease that has taken so much joy out of so many of our lives. Having the ability to get out and interact with friends and family is something that many of us have had to fight with being able to do, and it certainly can be depressing. Vent away when you feel you need to, or even if you feel alone. We are all here to listen to each other, support each other and help each other through these daily struggles that so many others take for granted.

The New Year is coming up. I hope it brings new joys to you, and, although I am sorry that you are here, that you may find some new friends here as well. Sending out hugs :hug: to show that there are plenty of us here that care.

Hello and Happy Birthday Jenn,

I am glad you reached out and shared with us. You are in a place where there are others who understand. You are not alone. I hope you will keep sharing with us. Together we are strong. May we all be filled with peace in the coming new year.

zinnia

Thank you Roberta7659.....I do pray, I pray a lot. I know He hears me and he sees what I am going thru and catches every tear and holds it in his hand. I know He will give me beauty for my ashes. All this I know, but sometimes there are days...I have "them" days. I think we all go thru them regardless if we know how amazingly huge a God we serve. It was my birthday and my birthday is usually a bad time for me. I was feeling some type of way because I was in extreme pain...but today is a little better...not great but better. I was able to get up and actually spend a bit of time with my kids and laugh a little. I thank you dearly for your kind words and for reminding me that God is good ALL THE TIME!!!! Have a good night, I do appreciate you responding and your words! Thank you again!

Thank you Spike, thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone in this. Although it's sad that many of us have be here in a forum like this to be around others that understand what we go thru daily. Thank you for letting me vent out my frustrations.....I don't usually do that and I try my hardest not to let this disease control me, but then there are those days that most of us go thru and for me my birthday is usually a trigger. It's not that I'm afraid of getting old or anything but it's just a reminder that I've come so far only to take 20 steps back because of this CRPS crap. I'm glad I have somewhere to go where there are others in my shoes who can inspire and encourage me to keep going and pushing thru the pain! Thank you again I truly appreciate you!!

Thank you Littlepaw.....I do have a therapist but for someone like me, I find it very hard to really open up and tell him everything because it kinda sounds like I'm just grumbling. That's just me. Not saying anything about anyone else who utilizes this way. Plus I kinda feel like he doesn't give me answers to some of the things I talk about. It's kinda like okay if I open up I wanna know what to do to "fix" it, sometimes I get the feeling that it's more a place for me to just vent without any type of help for me with the root issues. I mean it's good to get some of the things out but at the same time I'd like to know how to handle them, what can I do to make it better? Ya know? I'm actually a really private person, which I guess makes it hard for me to talk to people about what's going on in my personal life, which is why it's pretty bizarre that I posted something on here. Lol! I probably should find someone else who would suit me better but I'm just too tired. Thank you for commenting and letting me know I'm not alone. I do appreciate every word you said! Thank you again!