daughter of a suicide attempter
 

The first time my dad attempted suicide was December of 2014. I walked in his bedroom and he had a gun to his head. I took the gun away and locked it in the trunk of my vehicle until I could secure it elsewhere. I called his psychiatrist who did next to nothing to help. There are no more guns in the house. The next time he attempted was September of last year. He woke me up at 230 in the morning saying he took all of his medicine. I rushed him to the hospital where they had him committed. When he was released from the hospital, I made sure he had no access to his meds until two weeks ago.

He convinced me that he was ok and he wanted more independence. I was naïve enough to give him what he wanted, so I let him have control over his meds. Saturday morning my dad attempted suicide and almost died. He took all of his blood pressure medicine, depression meds, sleeping meds, and counted each one as he did it. He also took shots of whiskey with each pill. I rushed him to the hospital.
I was told by keeping him awake in the car I saved his life; however, I don't feel that way because I gave him the control over his meds. He was on life support for 24 hours but pulled through. I want to help him in the best way and give him the best/love support possible.

He has brain damage due to brain surgery three years ago. He is disabled and has severe depression/anxiety. I want to help him and give him the best love/support possible. Can of you help me as I am his caregiver? Just looking for a little advice.

welcome to this forum that no one really wants to be a part of. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this Ashley.

As I have said many times, if someone is hell bent on ending their lives there really isn't anything you can do to stop them. You can love them as you obviously do but you can change their choice.

He obviously thinks the quality of his life isn't worth living. I pray that you can accept what ever happens and just continue to love him through it.

you are both in my prayers.

oh ashly,
I am sorry to read your story.
Please don't blame yourself.
You are only humane and you did what you thought was right at that moment.
I hope he is in counseling, you can not be his therapist.
Being his caregiver is a hard job and lots of responsibility.
I hope you have support for yourself.
Believe you too could benefit from a therapist.
Do you have siblings who could take on some of the tasks to give you a break? Do you have children? Friends?
Thinking of you today.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

@bizi I have two brothers who can't really do much to help me. One brother left yesterday to work in Nashville. I have a beautiful two year old daughter(the only grandchild in our family). I wish I did have more help with dad through my family and friends but I really don't mind spending time with him. I even switched all of my college courses to online so I could be home with him more. I'm going to talk to his psychiatrist before he leaves the hospital about maybe some therapy options for myself. I don't even know where to look.

I am very glad that you will be seeking some therapy/support.
Learning coping skills will help you care for yourself along with your father.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

@bizi my brothers react in different ways. One brother gets angry and my little brother pretends this isn't even happening. I guess everyone deals with this differently. Its so easy for people to tell me what I should be doing to care for my dad and what I am doing wrong, but they aren't the ones helping me care for him either. Sometimes it would be nice for someone to ask if I need a break and offer to come sit with dad or pick him up for the day. Due to active seizures, he isn't allowed to drive. I have never felt more alone. That's why I joined this forum. At the same time dad has been in the hospital for five days, I'm quite lonely without him being here.

I do have an update on him though: Dad called and said he wants to get sober. He also has an alcohol problem. So that's a step forward. I also asked him if we could create a care plan with the psychiatrist before he is released from the hospital. So hopefully his doctor will call me and schedule a meeting.

Dear Ashley,

As someone who has attempted suicide herself, I can tell you that there was nothing that anyone could have done to stop me when I became sick enough to try it. Had someone removed one means, I would have found another.

I realize you feel guilty, but you should not. You expect too much of yourself- you have gone above and beyond to care for your father and try to keep him safe. You are a wonderful, loving daughter.

Substance abuse disorders compound mental health problems. It is fantastic that your father has expressed a willingness to get sober! My bipolar disorder is much more under control since I quit drinking.

Creating a care plan with your father's psychiatrist before he's discharged is an excellent idea! I hope that the psychiatrist has some solutions that will make you feel more confident of your father's safety when he returns home.

I can't imagine the amount of pain you've been through or the amount of stress you've been under… It's important you take care of yourself before you can be there for your daughter and father. A good therapist can help.
I found mine by calling a local group practice. I let them know what kind of insurance I had and they assigned me a therapist who accepted it. You can also call your insurance company or visit their website to find one.

I wish you and your family the best.

Kay

I think it's easy for friends and family to tell me what is best for my dad, but they aren't the ones here helping me care for him either. I keep telling myself that over and over. It is impossible to know because they aren't here. They don't even offer to help me, but they do offer advice such as "send him away to a facility." That isn't the answer. He needs support and I won't abandon him just because his attempt made them uncomfortable. This isn't about them. It is about my dad and his recovery. Right? Life isn't easy and his pain isn't easy on him either. I'm not going to dump him off somewhere.

No one is suggesting that you dump him off Ashley..we are just concerned for you and the pressure you are under to assume the total care and responsibility for his survival. You are a loving daughter, obviously, and are hopeful and optimistic for his recovering from his dependence on alcohol and his depression.

You have gotten some good advice and I am glad you are sharing. :hug:

its the people in my family they want me to just put him somewhere. I don't think that's right. They aren't trained mental health professionals. How can they know what's right for him?