BeEnd
 

I copied and pasted this from another one of the other forums. I hope you don't mind.
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I came up with a made up word, BeEnd. awhile back. Let me explain. Since I have quit smoking I feel like my life has really just begun. be Since quitting smoking though, my mom, my cousin, one of my friends, have all passed, and my mariage has ended. End. BeEnd

I have a neighbor who I had a real hot crush on awhile back. He told me he wasn't interested and then we kept our distance for awhile longer. Him and I have been talking here and there and just now we talked for a long time. He informed me that he has at the most 6 months to live. He nearly lost his life to cancer just recently. The hospital had him on life support. I need to be a good friend to him now and get ready to watch someone whom I've thought to be special since the beginning of March, die. We talked about death and dying and about his funeral plans. It was creepy but without the crush on him any longer I can talk about these things without too much difficulty. I still hold a special place in my heart for him though. I just have a feeling that I'm going to need a lot of hugs, love, and support to hang in there and look after him in his final days. That's if he'll let me. He wants for me to come back to his place tonight when he gets home from a cookout. And right now I'm still in shock too.

For any of those who had been following any of the poems I wrote this year, well, this dying neighbor of mine had a lot to do with inspiring me to write them. The emotions he stirred in me had motivated me to write a lot of poems some of which I never posted on here. I had thought about trying to write a book half heartedly and while I was playing around with that notion I thought about what the title to the book would be. BeEnd. would be my title of course. The beginning for me and the end of so many others. I could go on to say what I had thought would be in the end of the book to signify the name of it like a completely new part of my life unfolding.

Well, thanks for listening.

befuddled2

((((((Barbara)))))),

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v9...uggiebears.gif

I wrote you in the BP forum. But, another layer of hugs sure can't hurt :hug:

You can't see it yet 'cause you're right on top of it, but, you've changed a lot. For the better, I might add :winky: Much more open. Much more caring. Your writing is absolutely soul-stirring.

You *KNOW* we all stand beside you while you help your friend on his journey.

I knew way back that Doug saw through all the fear and the 'history' to see the real treasure that you are. I'm glad he's allowing you to help him.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb

Barbara, endings are so painful, so rewarding, so....to be able to share, to say goodbye when there is nothing else to say...it's really, really hard to talk about what's "really" important. It's hard, it's so important to share, I am so impressed that you are "going there". :hug:

Thank you Barb and Alffe.

I am feeling better for now. I appreciate all the kind words and hugs.

Barb, thank you for responding twice. Your responses always strike a chord with me. In order words, your words are like music to me if that makes sense. Your words are emotionally moving to me.

(((Barbara))) You do sound a little better and I'm so glad for that. I'm glad you're here. :hug:

Thanks Doody. I loved looking at your pictures earlier.

befuddled2

nice to meet you bawbawa...

I guess I am at an age where everything is pretty much philosophical to me especially when it comes to beginnings and ends...

this is a personal belief of mine, not matter how things ends, it means the beginning of something...that something can be good, bad, good start, bad start, big, small, known to us, unbeknownst to us...whatever it is...

the end really is the beginning, and beginnings are just the beginnings of ends...

yeah, most will say that I just said a bunch of nothing, but that IS philosphy, philosphy itself goes around in circles and is always one question answering another question and in the "end" you end up with a bunch of questions that nobody has an answer to, so then you start again. So I just got philosophical about philosophy which I am sure meant nothing to you in your original intentions.

OK, maybe we can talk about "Phil" why did he get "sophical?" Can he not get "Amy" or "Angelical?"

I guess in the "end" we can all blame it on "Phil" for being "sophical" that made everyone go "O!"

Thus, we have Philosophical with an O inbetween...

I guess what I am trying to say is that your beend has ended, but you'll beGin (if you play Gin and drink Gin, hey great!) But enjoy your "O"

And the cycle will start again, if you'll look at the "O"

you'll see that it goes round and round and never ends...

kinda like what I am doing now, blabbering on and on and never ends, my wife tells me that...:eek:

OK, I'll hush now...

LOLOLOLOL

:hug:

Thanks for the perspective.

befuddled2

I wrote to you about this posting right after you put it on ... at least I think I did . I wonder where it went.

Anyhow, Barbara, I tried to tell you how much I appreciate what you've written. Thnak you.

Sounds as if you've got some difficult days ahead. Take care of yourself while you're taking care of your friend. I enjoyed reading your post very much, Befuddled. I sure can relate to those Beends and Beginnings.
Moi, I totally relate to your circle too. Seems that way to me as well.

:hug: