waking up after 15 years
 

Hello, sorry for the length or if this is not the proper place to post.

I'm a 40 year old male. 15 years ago I suffered a massive head injury that went untreated (was traveling at the time), after which my life fell apart. I became introverted, socially inept, prone to impulsive behavior and child-like behavior (even child-like crying). It was like my emotional maturity was reset to an infant, then slowly matured over the years. Also there was a loss of the sensation of emotional time..like, not feeling time pass. This is all in reflection; I was not aware of it while in that state. I was even put under for a surgery within five years of the injury, which seemed to aggravate the problem.

This kept me apathetic and unmotivated for years, along with childish rages, self-harm, self-medication etc. I alienated most of my friends and didn't make more, and could not sustain a relationship. The feeling was like being a child on a Sunday, every day. Until recently, I was unable to even make the decision to investigate the head trauma as the cause, almost as if I was subconsciously avoiding it, sabotaging myself. It was like being emotionally frozen in time.

A few months ago I began to feel slight changes, like little habits or irrational behavior becoming clear where it had not before (like going sane)..then the changes began to speed up, and I found myself realizing that I had been effectively mentally ill for years, as if the last decade of my life was spent as a different person, now seen as if a movie. I went through phases where I felt an intelligence, confidence, and emotional awareness I had never felt before, some times I would feel a sort of pressure behind my eyes and ears leading up to it. Other times the manic-like state would be accompanied by speech problems and buckling knees. All very odd. My hearing and other senses seem more acute, and my speaking skills became better than they had ever been. A CT scan showed no signs of damage.

Things seem to be a roller coaster now (I've never been diagnosed with BPD or anything similar), I don't know what's happening and my doctor/therapist won't/can't understand how profound this change is and is reluctant to attribute it to the TBI. I now barely recognize the mentally ill recluse I've been for a decade, but I'm afraid this is temporary or may be something worse.

Firstly thank God you're back to you! Congratulations.

I doubt that you'll suddenly lose the progress you've made. However many of us have learned to avoid certain things that bring back unwanted symptoms.

I'm not sure why the doctors don't understand, unless it's perhaps different and unknown to them.

I'm very sorry that you've gone through what you have. It sounds terrible, but I'm so glad you are coming out of it. It must feel wonderful in some ways.

mark will be able to give you much more insight because he knows a lot about brain injury...certainly more than I do.

I also had something similar with the time lapsing, only on a much smaller scale. I couldn't manage a calendar of any kind after my concussion for quite a while, time in the future seemed to have things overlapping and unmanageable. Time behind would just suddenly seemed to have disappeared. At first I wouldn't know if it was the beginning of summer or the end, and as it got toward the end, I would think it w as still May. It is not as bad now. I still have some trouble, but once I figure out what the date is, I can somewhat organize the events in my head so that they make sense and have some order.

Again...really happy for you. Welcome back!




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I just discovered that when I press on my right temple, the spot of the head injury and constant tingly feeling....I cry like a baby and get sad. Then when I release I slowly return to 'normal' after a few minutes. It has never been looked at, medically.

I did it three times this morning. This is strange. I am trying to find new doctor/doctors who will look at this.

I would have made this the subject of the thread but only now discovered it.