Feeling Worthless Right Now
 

hi everyone. hope you're all having good summer. i am having a rough year and just needed to talk a little. i feel that o matter what i do lately someone criticizes me. it can be anything like cleaning the house better or losing weight. i've been told that my chronic illness is all in my head again. it is not. it has physical symptoms as well as causing depression. i've been told that i look fine. i am not fine and the constant pain i feel form rsd is slowly wearing me out. i am in extreme pain everyday and have to take alotof pain meds and depression meds to cope. i try my best to do what i can to help and to look half normal when i go out (which is very rare). but people always say something that hurts me. they just don't get it. i've had this disease for five and a half long years now and i still feel like i have to proove myself. it is so degrading and it makes me feel worthless sometimes like right now. i just needed to talk to my friends here at NT. you guys always cheer me up and make me feel a little better. thanks again for listening to me rant. its just been such a rough month for me. soft hugs to all.:grouphug:

All I can say is hold your head up and keep on trucking..:grouphug:

RSDme I completely understand how you feel. When constrain pain is relentless it is draining on both our physical and emotional wellbeing. People on the outside don't understand (and frequently don't try to understand) when the reason for pain is not visible it is all to easy to dismiss. That doesn't mean it isn't real. Try not to worry about pleasing everyone or anyone, just focus on yourself for a while, be kind and gentle to your soul, you are important and you matter and truly that's what counts. Sending virtual love and hugs your way :hug::hug:

RSD ME

I am glad that you shared this with us. I do understand how draining and discouraging the constant pain can be. I too strugle with it. Someone told me I should let go of the old me, what I used to be able to do. I have been thinking about that today. I did several tiny things today, and it did encourage me to see that there were still things I could do. I have been having so much back pain now, on top of the RSD in my foot, and as much as I do not like it, I am seeing that laying flat on my back is something I am going to have to do more, as it does give me relief.

My husband brings me books from the library and it is good to get lost in a good book, it is an escape for me. I have my own room, and that too helps. For too long we did not do some of the things that would make living easier for me. I have to focus on me and find new ways to make my life better for me, tiny little things can make a difference, a shift in a positive direction.

It concerns me that the lower I go in the depression, the lower I go, as the bottom keeps getting lower. Did that make sense? I know that at times I can catch it before I go so low, and at other times I am caught off guard and like getting the rug pulled out from under you, I just crash. A scary place to be. Maybe it will help to check in with me through out the day. I know some mornings I wake up with the stinkin thinkin, and that can be tough to shake. I get angry at times that I have to have these health problems, and all the limitations that go with it, the anger only makes things worse for me.

I know I have to find things that I can still do that make me happy. Not always easy to think of things that make me happy when I am in a negative mood. I think I will start a list, and put it where I can see it. I do know it helps me when I focus on solutions.

There is power in NOW.

The gold fish in the pond were calming to watch. So were the butterflys and humming birds. The weather had cooled down, it was good to be able to be outside and sit on the porch and just be in the garden today. My back hurt too much to do anything but sit. I could choose to be grateful to the old me for creating all this beauty that I can enjoy now while I sit on the porch. Gratitude does help to change my attitude to positive.

I am grateful to all of you on this journey with me. May we all find some joy in our journey today.

Sending you soft hugs RSD ME, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
peace
zinnia

No doubt about it; constant pain is a downer; but it does hurt when some; especially those we care about the most; kinda turn a "blind eye" almost to the point of ignoring the difficulty you're having just getting simple tasks accomplished. Most of the time; a little extra understanding can do wonders for the depression.

Writing about our feelings with each other helps us to believe that it's not all in our mind as some would make you begin to wonder. It's nice to know we are not alone.


Gerry

It's so deflating to be criticized or doubted when we already beat ourselves up enough.
Everyone in your world may not be supportive but at least you know everyone here gets it and understand when you need to vent your frustrations.

One simple thing I do for a brief lift is use google images. I enter "beautiful beaches" or "golden retriever puppies" and it always gives me a little lift. Or I use Netflix or YouTube and listen to my favorite comedians.

Are the ones who criticize you or doubt you people who can be temporarily avoided or eliminated from your life? I don't mean to sound like this is easy but I got to a point with two of my brothers that it was too stressful to keep them in my life because they were critical and insensitive. Yes, it changed family dynamics but, I was much happier. With my husband, when things get tough, we go to counseling together or I will just go away for a bit and put some space between us and that always helps.

And, I always find strength in remembering that these issues cycle up and down in our life, always. This is a down time but, it WILL cycle up again. I promise:)

I'd also like to mention, I have had good luck with using Sam-E to manage depression and
it has other benefits as well( cleanse liver, help joint pain, etc).

Please know you are not alone in how you are feeling. If only we could wave a wand.....:)
My best,
D.

Hello RSD ME: The Skeezyks sends warm hugs with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace within... :hug: :hug: :hug:

RSD;
Has there been any improvement? You are a very important part of this community. Glad you are sharing your thoughts and feelings. When needed, you are always ready to give your insight and guidance.


Gerry

RSD ME

I hope you are feeling a little better today. I have decided to face one difficult thing first thing in the morning, while I still have some strength. It gives me a little hope. The heat has really been wearing me out. So many times I talk myself out of doing things, big sigh. Time for me to see what my thinking is telling me.

I am so glad you are sharing with us RSD ME, together we are strong. I always smile when I see the serenity prayer in your posts.
peace
zinnia

Hi RSDME

I hope you have found some of the above ideas useful. I understand your feelings of frustration at other people's thoughtless criticism. I recently had to really 'hold my tongue' and not bite back at someone berating for me for not getting on and finishing the maintenance needed around my house.

The best way I have found to cope with it is to reassure yourself that you know you are doing the best you can to manage your condition and you are achieving what you can, when you can, and in the long run other people's uninformed opinions don't count.

Putting up with other people's useless input is a tough ask when you're chronically ill and if you can find the resilience to let their comments slide past then you've earned yourself a reward and then find some small way to treat yourself accordingly and enjoy it. A little bit of self pampering goes a long way.

Take care - rant when you need to - and hopefully better times ahead. :hug: