You wouldn't believe it
 

We spoke of hernias, and here I am just diagnosed with multiple incisional hernias. I'm seeing the GP at 10 in the morning. Tonight I'm stricken with yet another bowel obstruction, only now I'm wondering is that what it is, have I been confusing these regular events with hernias and the gut popping out through the muscle.. I've been so sick tonight, fortunately I know what to do and have made full use of pain relief, reliving gut pressure (vomiting) muscle relaxant. So I've spent 3 hours on the loo with a bowl, having had the epidural on Friday every time I vomit I urinate. Saturday night caught me out badly and I had to clean everything up before DB got home from work as I was so embarrassed. On the floor saying hello to Ralph at strength ten and whoosh, my bladder just burst. After that hysterical mop and clean up I thought I escaped the bullet, but it seems not and that's why I think it's the hernias popping through. I can see them, I push them in and they disappears then oh so slowly pop back out. They hurt like the dickens to. I know I should go to hospital tonight for the usual nasal gastric tube and pain relief (they normally admit me) but DB is hanging on by a grim thin thread so nix to that idea. I'm so worn out, confused, upset and hanging on myself with a thread. Apologies to add a thread to your stumble inn, but you all seem so very caring and I'm in extra need of care right now. I'm at my wits end, wondering what I have done in my life to bring all this on. :eek:

Oh and as usual, my mother has once again used my ill health as a springboard to launch another written verbal attack on me, while I'm in hospital last Friday night covered in blood and suffering yet another grade 1 AV block, so low BP they had to keep me in overnight she chooses to share snippets of info and tell me I've caused all these problems myself and I should be more caring of my sister because she is sick. Oh an so is my niece, while I'm trying to tell mum how ill I am she is busily grasping her chest gasping and telling me my niece has Reynauds disease and is so very ill. (She doesn't and nor is my sister ill - nothing wrong with either of them) but everyone is always worse than me in her eyes, I truly believe she believes I'm a malingerer. Sorry to rant, I just want to cry and cry. It's 1.30am, I'm up & in rolling pain, feeling violently ill and quietly vomiting. Yes, it's all in my mind ....:(

oh pam, i'm sorry you're going thru all this.

do you live in the states?
i'm sure i don't need to tell you that any one of these hernias can be life threatening. i don't want to scare you but you seem to already know this. if any part of your gut gets sufficiently twisted it can cut off the blood supply. then that part of the gut needs to be removed. plus, you can get septic. you're having so many symptoms that i would gently urge you to call your pcp &/or get to the ER.

you are your own best advocate. it sounds like you're very knowledgeable and around here we say that knowledge is power. don't let your family take your power from you. hold onto it.

please let us know how you are.:hug:

PamelaJune, I am so sorry you are going through this. I confer with everything nurse nancy has said. That is dangerous stuff you are going through and can get life threatening, plus the AV block. Please get some help. I hope some nurse hears your Mom going off on you like that and lets her know that you are indeed very sick. Has the doctor told you it is OK to 'pop' your hernia back in?

Prayers for you, PamelaJune. :hug:

It's hard enough to have to endure such pain but to have to justify it to someone else is just wrong.

Good news
 

I have a large tear to the abdominal wall on the right side of the incision, it's about 23mm, the cause unknown, but significant in size to show up and be of concern. Apparently if I stop vomiting and get my gut under control it will heal itself. The pinkish tinge accompanying the vomit is burst blood vessel, this too will heal.

The incisional hernias on the left side of the incision 54mm from umbilical and the 58mm 18mm x 10mm and 13mm x 12 mm respectively filled with proprietary fat and we all agreed a watch & see approach be taken given the vast amount of stomach surgery I have had. At some stage he believes I will need to elect to get mesh insertion because of the 5 things you need to do to control / mitigate hernia strangulation risk 3 are beyond my control. But I have so much going on he believes this can sit and wait until I reach (if ever) a point of no return. He says my awareness and ability to manage the regular obstructions I suffer with shows I have enough sense to know when elective is inevitable. But hey, good it's just fat at this stage.

If I can't get the current obstruction under control by 8 tonight I have to go to hospital for the usual nasal gastric tube, pain relief, bed rest and flush etc etc. I will, I can already tell I'm getting the better of it and my temp has gone back down to 37.8.

Need to see a cardiologist for the AV block as well. Feel a lot happier in myself knowing no immediate surgery on the cards, still in pain, but hey, no imminent hospital surgery. Feeling so relieved. Thanks folks for your care and support, you are all amazing.

As to my mother, I wrote and told her to have a long look at herself in the mirror the next time she wants to lecture me while I'm in hospital on how I should derive pleasure to tend her immediately (discharge myself from hospital) I suggested she ponder her narcissisism and instead envision that convo with my siblings, yeah good luck with that! Suggested she stay away from me for a week at least until I can get my health and emotions in better shape. She has texted me with a thumbs up everyday, sometimes twice since. I'm not responding, her bad, not mine. Love my mum, but need a break. In more ways than one!

Why do some of us seem to attract & have such demanding people in our lives, is it because we are super busy just struggling to get by & live that we didn't recognise the moment they seized the upper hand? or was it we were but just too unwell to do anything about it, for me, I suspect the latter. She has waged war on me since I was a child after my first heart arrest at 6yrs, gone for 2 minutes. Who sends the 12 yr old sister (daughter) the golden child to sit at the bedside all night until 10 pm while she slumbers the night away. 50 years on, I still remember every moment, coming round eventually rousing to ask for mum! Oh she's at home, it's Friday night and all that, drinks with the Millers. She'll be up tomorrow. Remember dad bought me my first bike on discharge now I know why, she must've felt guilty. Sorry to rant again, yes still a lot of unresolved pain & anger.

Pamela, it sounds to me that your health care team are very good, especially in showing you respect by saying that you are self-aware in knowing when surgery might be needed.

There is Maori saying that I would like to share with you. It is Kia kaha, which means "stay strong".

From all that we have shared on NT I reckon that you are a strong person so think of that as an affirmation if you like.

:hug:

Pamela - :hug::hug::hug: You have been through a lot. I hope you have seen a doctor about this recent episode. Things with the stomach can go bad really fast. Obstructions can be so dangerous and, as I am sure you are well aware, life threatening. The good ole' NG tube is no fun but it is need to give your bowel a rest.

I am also, so sorry your mom treated you as she did. That is so heartbreaking. I think distancing yourself right now, until you feel better, is a good idea. Being the scapegoat in family dynamics is really, really hard. The best way to prevent some of it is to limit your contact with them, if you can. It sounds as if you are the scapegoat in your family. I hope your mom will respect you and give you your space so you can heal.

I will keep you in my prayers. Please post an update when you can. :hug::hug:

Pam,
You may recall; this past November (Thanksgiving week); I had three abdominal incisional hernias repaired with mesh. Two were below the navel and one was an epigastric; above the navel under the breastbone.

These were due primarily from my abdominal incision from rectal cancer surgery almost 4 years ago. Also because of opioid constipation (using Miralax daily) am forcing which adds to hernias.

A few months ago, I went back to the surgeon because I felt the protrusion above the navel (epigastric hernia area). I thought the hernia there recurred. He said it was diastasis recti (the muscle separation of the abdomen). But that is adding to the bulging and pain. I told him I was concerned about recurrence of the hernias. His response was "with good reason".

My belly pain has been increasing. (because of three Miralax daily due to the opioid constipation, I am on the "potty" several times a day.) which adds to the pain. If I don't take at least three Miralax daily, I will get impacted as well.

I was warned about hernia strangulation. That was my reason for having the three hernias repaired this past November. Actually, I am in more pain now than I was before the hernias were repaired. It is a vicious circle. Being on opioids for several years now due to spinal and neuropathy pain am afraid tho go thru "withdrawal" from opioids, as well as having no idea how horrible the pain would be without them.

Pam,I am so sorry you are having to deal with your Mother's lack of consideration with all you are going through and looking for you to sympathize with her and your sister. That is so very inconsiderate of her.

I believe you are also taking opioids as well as something to fight the daily constipation. The terrible ordeal you went through a couple of days ago dealing with the accidents and cleanup had to be awful. As I previously mentioned; this is a vicious circle.

I pray you will not need to be hospitalized.


Gerry

I'm on fluids only for 3 days, today my temp has gone down to 37.4 & I have stomach sounds. My stomach is very sore but definitely improved from 2 days ago. Haven't had the magic moment yet :eek:

Back pain is definitely not under control, can't do much about it with a no win situation. Taken time off of work, feel worn out. DB not much help. Oh well, at least it is raining here, we do need the water for what is promising to be a long hot drawn out summer. Much like yours in the US. At least I'm able to watch the olympics and read. It could be worse... I could be back in hospital.

Pam,:hug: Wondering if you had a case of the stomach flu. You really had an awful time of it.


Gerry