Help with relationships, etc
 

I have been dealing with post concussive like symptoms for about 3.5 years now. I'm not sure if it is semicircular canal dehiscence, but the symptoms and testing indicate that it is a possibility. I primarily have issues with auditory and visual stimuli. Even conversations bother me (they make me nauseated and dizzy) and it is hard to follow them.

Lately, my know it all older brother has been incredibly hard on me for not making an effort to socialize and meet with friends etc. I am in my mid 20s and he is in his early 30s. I try to tell him that due to the unpredictable nature of the way I feel it is very hard to make plans, etc. Generally, talking to groups of people (even one person sometimes) for more than a few minutes can make me feel unwell and make it hard to concentrate. I can only work for a few hours a day and after work generally I just want to relax and rest.

I do not do much socializing outside of work unfortunately. And even socializing at work is not easy. Although, I think my brother is right in that what I am doing is not healthy. Every day I see him (multiple times a week) he asks why I haven't done anything about this and says I am basically wasting my life. He says I need to promise him to call a friend, etc. I think he fails to see the whole picture and cannot comprehend how life altering my condition is.

Does anyone else have experience with any of the above?

Your brother will not likely ever truly get it. Few do. You need to find your comfort zone with relationships, conversations, etc. I know that the most important need I have with visual and auditory limits is the ability to have some level of control of my environment and time in that environment. If I sense I am hitting my limit, I need to be free to leave that environment.

Your past social network may not be the one for your future. Maintaining family contacts is still important. Finding a way to maintain communications with family is important. I struggled to talk with my 90 year old mother. Too much degraded transmission with wireless at both ends meant I needed to use a hardwired landline. It may make calls easier for you.

A concept to consider is simple. The dysfunctional auditory processing system often becomes limited in its ability to process complex sounds. Poor transmission, background sounds and voices, accents, and other auditory stimuli end up being chaos to us. If we can reduce or remove these conflicts, we can do better.

A prime example is calling customer service. If I get India or the Philippines, I have a strong accent and VOIP sounds to sort through before I can even begin to understand the sentences spoken. As I say, getting the Philippines is like talking to SpongeBob under the Sea. I ask for a domestic call center. It is worth the wait on hold because I can effectively communicate and resolve the need for the call. If I try to continue with India or the Philippines, it will take longer to resolve the need than the combined wait on hold and discussion.

For this reason, I try to avoid important calls with smart phones and speaker phones.

The same goes for conversations with groups.

It may help for you to get a better understanding of where you function best so you can try to tell your brother more. You seem to get very specific about anatomy and physiology. Rather than trying to identify the root cause, applying the same to understand the specifics of where you work best so you can moderate your life with targeted action will likely benefit you.

I am not hesitant to say, "Hold for a moment. I need to close a door so I can focus on our conversation."

Or, "Can you take the call off speaker so I can hear you better ?"

And, if your brother does not get it, don't let it get to you. It is your life.

Thanks for your response and tips.

I try to avoid long considerations on the phone. I find my bose headphones are good for longer conversations and I wear them so they only rest on my right ear, as my left ear is more sensitive to sound.

I generally function best when it is quieter. Luckily some days I am not extremely bothered by big groups. Unfortunately, it is very hard to know when to expect these days. I try to wear ear muffs at the gym, etc. I think your other tips are helpful. My brother is the kind of person that would get annoyed if I said "lets go to another room", but it is a good thing to practice.

You control the "lets go to another room" concept. If he chooses to follow, fine. If not. It is his choice. Either he learns to get over being annoyed or you suffer a crash. You should be choosing to not crash. But, regarding when you can tolerate groups, it is impossible to predict or expect. You have to respond as it happens. That is why I said, You have to be in control. This is likely going to be a long term issue so learning the skills needed in this area is important.

There is a saying, We teach people how to treat us.

Sometimes it isn't easy to deal with him. If you try to control how the conversation takes place, he will say that you need to either learn to live with it or he will just label you as a complainer or lacking social etiquette

Thanks for the wise words though

You've helped lots of people and this board is lucky to have you

cerebellarmaniac
What you describe sounds exactly like me. After work I am very exhausted and I need to rest.
At work I need to talk a lot on the phone and that hurts my head, makes me dizzy. So after work I am not in the mood to talk much.

I sometimes don't answer phone calls because of that.

Also I cannot say today how I will feel the next weekend so I cannot make plans.

So I stay home, feeling lonely a lot of times. When I do have to go somewhere I put in my earplugs.

CM,

Have you brought your brother to this website?

Maybe a little education from us might help him understand.

I don't know why people have a difficult time understanding that a brain involved problem has real, not imagined impacts upon out lives. They don't seem to question a leg missing having an effect on ones routine.

I don't have a real good answer for your people situation. I was a real people
Person before my accident. Now I don't mind ignoring the phone or being silent.

I still find ways to interact with folks and sometimes it does require some extra effort at concentrating but the side benefit to that is I actually pay better attention to others words.

Bud

Thanks for the tips guys. I greatly appreciate it.

It is nice to know that other people have similar problems and that I'm not along in this fight.

Definitely not alone!

In sort of a funny aside, I think my wife actually enjoys the new and on occasion quieter me...I did all the yacking, she likes quiet.

Bud

So I'm not crazy. I've had a very hard time with accents since my accident and I have been wondering if it was related to my PCS and TBI.

Frustrating because I do work with people from India quite regularly but at least I have a better understanding of my limitations.



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