About To Start Trial Period on Cervical SCS
 

Hello All -

Just logged back in here again after a year+ more away. I actually posted my return using my Initial Intro Thread - which Gerry kindly replied to. If anyone wishes to see about my background and more, feel free to read about it and what has brought me here to begin with. I'm a Disabled Marine Corps Vet............:eek:

http://www.neurotalk.org/new-member-...-sergeant.html

Anyway, 2016 was a BRUTAL year for me pain wise, undergoing approx 20 surgeries (I count anything involving General Anesthesia a surgery) to help deal with the Chronic Pain associated w my Combat disabilities. So now, at the end of my rope, I am about to begin the 5 Day Trial Period with a Medtronics SCS device and would absolutely love to hear from anyone who's had one? Believe me folks, like to hear the Good and the Bad regardless of how horrible your experience may have been. Or how helpful too of course? :D

Thanks to ALL those here for your support and kind words years ago. Actually searching for some of you who may be here still too! "LovesTerriers?" :confused:

Well, anxious to see what people have to say about this so Im not going in with all unknowns! Thanks for reading friends!

Gunny

I have SCS
 

I have a cervical spinal cord stimulator. Are you getting it to treat just one area?

No / Yes.

It will only be a Cervical Spine SCS - but from about C-2 all the way down. Not sure if this answers your question KServ? Pain has become near killer and Pain Med tolerance is literally thru the roof (Dependence as well) which is what I stated in my post about seeking a Rapid / Ultra Rapid Detox afterward. I can't go on like this! Ugh.

I also found an Old Thread I wrote back when this subject was first brought up by my Dr. and this was that thread. One young lady stated she still had to use 50mg Fentanyl Patches while having the Cervical SCS as well. Are you also on an Opiate Med yourself too?

http://www.neurotalk.org/scs-and-pai...ease-help.html

Would yours be a Medtronic device as well?

Thx for the reply.

Yes Medtronic
 

The Medtronic reps were great. I had my SCS implanted on August1, 2014. I won't lie, the first 8 weeks are really tough. I was in a cervical collar and couldn't turn my head. I couldn't bend, twist, lift or drive(of course). I had a 2 and 4 year old at the time. So, it really sucked! You have to be so careful so the leads don't move at all.

My SCS
 

Mine was to treat RSD in my left hand. And it did help with the pain. I still need pain meds, but this RSD has spread to other areas so the SCS doesn't cover those areas. Hopefully it will cover all of your pain.

Pain
 

This kind of pain is horrible, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I am sorry you had such an awful year we will pray 2017 is MUCH better!!!! I am happy to answer any questions you have about the SCS😄

By the way.....
 

Thank you very much for your service to our country! We don't take care of our vets the way we should! I am really sorry you are in so much pain, and that you have been through so much. I really do hope the SCS trial gives you some relief. I would like to know more about the ketamine treatment you received, could you fill me in please? I am hearing more about this as a treatment that can actually put RSD into remission. But it is still very new treatment for this and I can't find much info on it. Any thoughts from someone who has gone through it would be greatly appreciated!

Welcome back Gunny, 2016 was a difficult year for many of us it seems. I'm with you under general or light anaesthetic (no memory of procedure) is an operation in my book. I only spent 15 nights in total in hospital last year so that was a plus. The negative is I've not been able to get my pain back under control after the November stint of 8 nights when I couldn't charge my stim. The SCS just doesn't seem to be working anymore. I'm in the process af re programming every few days trying to find one that suits but to date no luck. My SCS is a Nevro and been in for 3 years, in all I had very good results and was able to cut right back on meds to 1 sublingual temgesic a day, sometimes 2. Now I'm back on 10mg oxy but hope to stop after I have another procedure in February.
Hang in there, if you can get the right mix of programming & medicine life can be good again. :p

Gunny,

I previously had a failed trial for the lumbar area. Unfortunately, it did not reach areas needed; so I never did get a permanent SCS. My Pain Management doctor did tell me beforehand tho that even with an SCS, I would still have needed pain meds; but thought I should be able to take a lesser amount.

As Kersevello mentioned sometimes the SCS is not able to reach all the areas of pain so some pain meds may be needed. He also mentioned should you get an SCS, you have to be very careful for some time so the leads don't move. The leads need to scar in so they stay in place.

Gunny, You have already been through so much, it's probably worth doing the trial. Hopefully it works at least enough to give you a good amount of relief.

Gerry

Gotta tell you guys.............

Despite the trial and error many of you have experienced.

it is SO absolutely awesome to be back in touch with all of you again - and make new friends here as well who've been thru this stuff and know the suffering we ALL have going on!! Im so stoked to get back in touch with you folks - and reached out to many others from the past too - using the "Email" system thing which hopefully works out if they still have themselves connected via email ya know? Some of which were "Rrae, RSDwCRPS2" "Nicolette" and more importantly "Darcy Reid" who actually started seeing the same Pain Management Doc as mine, which I referred her to and she didnt quite have the same great results as I did. Oh well, we all react differently to procedures, meds, etc don't we?? :)

So anyway , please keep the new folks talking if able to offer anything. And I will stay in touch the best I can with so much going on for me! hehehe. Thanks again everyone!

Semper Fi !

Gunny

Gunny,

I did respond to your New Member intro..., You may want to check out.

Do you have a date for the SCS trial yet?


Gerry

Welcome Back Gunny! Hope you have a very happy New Year! Hugs.

The Date Is Booked !!
 

February 3, 2017 at 1030 am is the scheduled date I will have my Medtronic Cervical SCS Trial Implant done. Fingers crossed for some "Good Vibrations" since this is pretty much my last resort at dealing w this pain!

I sent the Rep an email requesting the EXACT Model, details, etc of whats being used - just in case this helps others who've had the procedure provide me some feedback. I know this has NOT been helpful for some here (Gerry) which makes me feel horrible for those of you it hasn't. However, I pray there is still something out there which brings you relief, and I hope for the best for ALL here as well. :D

Also - oddly enough I found an OUTSTANDING Closed Group on Facebook over the weekend that has seriously welcomed me with open arms! (Almost too much attention for someone w PTSD actually- :eek: ) The "Spinal Cord Stimulator Support Group" on Facebook is chock full of people who've had EVERY brand of SCS known to man, all over the world, and has given me tons of feedback as well. Thought Id put that out there for anyone interested. You have to "Join" and everything written within does NOT get shown on your own FB page either! BIG PLUS! Anyone that joins up will see a huge post, with pics and articles of myself there - not that I have anything to hide at all. Im sure you'll be able to figure out which one is me! :D

Will keep you updated during the trial and after guys & gals. Really appreciate you all too! Stay warm no matter where you are! :cool:

Gunny,
will you be doing a trial on Feb. 3rd. or a permanent implant???. Give us a heads up. The doc offered me another trial; but I declined. You have to be mentally and physically prepared to see this thru. and I wasn't at the time. So I am okay. There are many that find an SCS successful.

There will be a lot of do and don't for several weeks; but if all goes will you be glad you did it. Expectations need to be realistic. Rarely do they go to all areas; but if a majority can be covered and you are in less pain and take less meds;. I call that a success.
We're praying for you Gunny.


Gerry

More Info on My "Perc" Lead SCS
 

Based on what I learned from my Pain Management Dr the other day, when i had 30 Trigger Point Injections done (See attached pics) This is what he told me about the Trial:

- It will be "Leads" funneled up my entire Cervical Spine (NOT Paddles!!)
- I will be put under during the Lead insertion - viewed thru Fluoroscopy by the Doc. Then woken up while they activate the SCS Stim to determine if they have the leads in the proper spot - Don't know how he couldnt if its going to cover
C-2 down to C-7, and he will also put a lead down the center line, and another on the right side where the majority of my pain is located.
*Obviously, the main unit will be taped to my back or shoulder during trial.

- After a week using the Pre-Programmed unit, I will give them whatever feedback I have, and hopeful pain relief results too! Then, they can either tweak the SCS Unit - which since my pain is THAT BAD I am sure Id need some extra juice when times are brutal. OR- reposition the leads IF and only IF going forward with the actual Implant will be done permanently. At that time, as you know, the main unit will be placed under the skin of my hip or butt (Unsure) and leads ran up to the Cervical Spine area.

I was always curious if one could obtain things such as massage, chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture, etc AFTER the healing period of final implant?? I have not had any Cervical adjustments done in over 1-2 years since this area is so incredibly sensitive and I didnt wish to risk anything being done to make things worse ya know? Also, the Chiro I see can never seem to adjust my Thoracic areas, nor lumbar areas at all, which is BS since others have in the past. Guess this guy isn't strong enough to really get it since I still seem to have the muscular build I once had in EXTREME form during my tail end in the Marines! FYI - he does those adjustments "Face Up" instead of face down too. My lower back is so tight its unreal and hasn't been "Cracked" in YEARS! Ugh.

So, I do not have the exact model, programs, or anything else yet since this needs to be determined by BOTH the Dr and Medtronics Rep together I guess.
Hope this answers some of your questions Gerry? Additionally, that SCS Spinal Group on Facebook is truly astonishing with pics and stories about so many different people its unreal. Its been a serious learning experience for real. Im actually VERY happy that I am NOT going the "Paddle" route since my Doc explained a Neuro Surgeon would need to do this due to cutting away spinal vertabra bone, and a much larger incision to heal from too! Paddles may bring some benefits, with more risks, thus the Perc Lead procedure is just fine w me for this step in my life! Anyone think otherwise or have anything they wish to add is absolutely free to do so folks! As always, thanks for the support here!

"Gunny"

Gunny, I had to make a decision paddles vs percutaneous after I had the initial permanent implant. They encountered difficulty with the procedure and only 1 lead was able to be threaded even though at trial 3 weeks earlier 2 were placed. Anyhow the Nevro rep convinced my PM to proceed with the idea to maybe switch to paddles if the 1 lead yielded no results. After much research and personal experience of previous laminectomies / laminotomies I chose to have the 2nd lead threaded by a different PM (referred to him by then1st PM) & not Have paddles. I still have pain where they removed bone for the 1st procedure done when I was 16 & same with the 2nd procedure done some 15 years later. Sacrum scraping & vertebrae scraping hurts long after the site has healed. Of course thinking about it now, the SCS unit if working effectively would mask that pain (duh) oh well, I'm hoping and praying Gunny percutaneous leads give you some level of control and you can recapture some of your life. :hug:

Thank you very, very much for your words above Pamela!
Just even reading the words "scraping bone" hurts me! I certainly can imagine that once bones of such important structure are surgically altered the pain itself will reverberate forever.

What I'm not following 100% is whether you're Pro Lead or Paddle my friend? It seems you regret the Leads due to the "botched" issue you had? Either way, I appreciate your candor, advice, and kind thoughts toward my procedure itself. I will for sure keep this thread updated during and after the trial period and what the final determination will end up being. ��

Hi Gunny, I don't regret the leads ever. Very happy with my voice and I'm sorry if it may have read differently. I was just musing aloud if the unit was working effectively if one chose to have paddles then it probably wouldnt be be felt where they do the scraping.

I'm having probs at present but that's due to different issues and I'm sure I will regain quality coverage again once I get the spasms under control.

Gunny,
Thanks for all the information. You certainly have been a given good amount of information/explanation. This is good because there are no surprises and your expectations are realistic.

I would definitely check with the doctor about getting any Chiro work done. The leads, after healing properly, should be scared in to stay in place; but I would be very cautious about any big manipulation done. Would be concerned about the chance of breaking or moving the leads.

Gunny, please keep us informed. You are very much cared about.


Gerry

Hey Gunny,

I just had my consultation for my permanent SCS implant. I am going with the paddles, however, because after much research I have found that the paddles are less likely to migrate (According to a 9 year research study done they have a 25% less chance over a 5 year period vs. the percutaneous leads), plus they have a wider surface area and can offer more pain relief. They scar into place better. It is being done by a neurosurgeon, but they only need to drill a small hole to insert the leads (a laminotomy), they do NOT remove any bone (laminectomy) from the spine. There is a small risk of infection with both types of leads which is less than 2%. My implant is being done at the thoracic level and will be covering my left leg, foot and rib cage pain (My back is fused from L4-5, L5-S1 w/ 6 screws and 2 rods). My battery is being implanted in my abdomen because I am too thin to have it in my backside (my doctor said I don't have a lot of "real estate to work with). Like you, I also get adjustments. I was advised that once they paddles scar into place (4-6 weeks), I would be able to resume my adjustments on my back and pelvis. To be safe, however I may wait a little longer for healing.

I wish you the best with your trial and hope it works for you!

LT

Wow!
 

This was a very good and thankful post you sent to me here my friend!
I sincerely appreciate you telling me about why you are going w Paddles too, but I know I would never be able to take it. YET- I understand exactly what he means by them wandering or drifting over time. I also don't know where they intend on putting the battery unit either to be honest. Hmm. Actually, this coming Friday is my Trial date and I have heard a damn thing from anyone yet which kinda ****** me off a bit. The Medtronic website shows all sorts of things i need to fill out, log or journal during the trial, etc? Guess that doesnt mean too much does it? Its actually the Post Procedure pain Im worried about. That and fact that NO PAIN MED seems to work for me anymore which is scary!

A friend at work said something about her Dr prescribing Fentanyl Lollipops for her once, but when mentioned to my Dr he said he'd lose his license! WTH?
ALL I ask for in life is to be Pain Free. No matter the cost or control, just let me live pain free!! (Sorry)

Gunny, I would suggest you contact your doctor to reconfirm your trial rather than waiting. As I recall, the trial itself wasn't too painful.

The permanent, of course, is a lot more involved; especially the need to make a sort of pocket; often near the "butt" area to place the battery.

Please keep us informed.

Wishing you a very successful trial my friend....


Gerry

With the trial I had zero pain. The pain post permanent implant wasn't to bad, but they had complications and I was kept in for 4 nights. However if comparing that first time (the first time with the one lead) to the post lead revision (with the 2nd lead threaded) well that was a different story.
Do ring and confirm the trial Gunny, nothing worse than getting yourself all psyched up and it doesn't eventuate.

Gunny,

I pray your trial goes well. Please do keep us posted and I would follow up ASAP. For my trial, I kept my "journal" on the I-Pod I was given that also controlled my SCS. I would also talk to your doctor about your pain medication situation ahead of time, as well. Hopefully the SCS will provide you with the pain relief you are so in need of. I am having my permanent surgery on Tuesday, February 7th. I will keep you posted, as well.

LT

Gunny, it's Feb 3 where I am already, your in the US so you have a few hours to go yet. I hope and pray the trial goes without complication and you get some relief. Keep us in the loop if you can.

Almost One Week Now - Moved to St Jude
 

For the last 34 minutes I've sent msg after msg to Family & Friends informing them that I'm doing well after the surgery I've been trying hard to put off for so long! Then I figured may as well do it all at once using this method instead so that everyone will be informed = less ???

This morning I had a Medtronic Spinal Cord Stimulation Device inserted into my spinal cord (literally inside all the spinal Vertabra itself!) He inserted the large needles, containing the wire leads inside, from about T-3, all the way up to C-1 - which according to my awesome Dr, was miraculous due to all the "exterior" scarring and visible arthritis! He was somehow able to get wires up to C-1, which you can see in the X-rays.

Fast forward - the "Brain" unit extends out of my back about a foot, and has a connective piece on my end. When the SCS "Remote Control" is placed on top of that piece, I am able to change the Stimulation "Pulse Rates & Programs" the Medtronics Rep, who was present. (If anyone knows what a "TENS UNIT" is - think of that inside my spinal cord touching the cord itself too!
I have 5 days to test drive this unit to observe if any pain relief is gained. Another forum I am on for other SCS patients have informed me how Over the Moon they are thanks to their SCS Implant, some not so lucky too. (Of course my screen name is none other than "Gunny Fitz" too! IF relief is found, then a permanent implant is done using a higher end unit that has many more features that detect my exact body position during use to ensure I don't electrocute myself!

At that time the Brain Unit will be inserted into a cut above my belt line on hip, and a better remote will control it's programs. Either way everyone, hopefully I'll be able to figure out if it truly works enough for me to make a decision. Right now I'm having intense pulses run down my right arm to fingertips NOT on specific point on my Cervical Spine - adjustment being made tomorrow.

My back looks like a mess with external wires etc. Whats cool is that the final version unit allows me to go try MRI Machines without it being ripped from my back too! Battery life is like 5-10 years but can also be wirelessly charged too - just like my Samsung Galaxy!! lmfao!

Turned out the Medtronic unit did NOT do anything for my Cervical Pain!
The Pulsated programs were only felt in the arms, and the High Frequency non pulsated ones may have worked a bit better but nothing at all was ever felt in the Cervical Region at all , which is very unfortunate! :eek:

Pic from Lead Install - which if you look closely at Xray were PERFECT according to Doc. He was able to get them ALL the way up to C-1 which he thought for sure he'd run into scar tissue inside, but was lucky. :cool:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SINCE THEN - They just changed out the Medtronic unit out with a St Jude's!

As in only one hour ago too! LOL. (They are using same leads as well- these Reps have a Professional Courtesy with each other which is great!) :grouphug:

Stay tuned.......

Been reading some very good reviews on how St Jude is using this new Burst Therapy instead of the usual "Tonic" = normal tingling and pulsating feeling of SCS, but they do NOT have this using the Program I am on now. I don't feel a thing, despite system being on its full potential for my issue (After going thru programming session w St Jude Rep)

Found some interesting stuff for reading - first actually written by a Medtronic Rep who actually appears to say the Burst Method by St Jude is working out better than the rest!

http://www.texaspain.org/assets/8%20...0final%207.pdf

Secondly - The numerous systems St Jude offers based on condition. I use the "iPod " type device but don't think its the one on the cover of this page of theirs. Good stuff in my eyes!

St. Jude Medical™ Invisible Trial System with Burst Technology | St. Jude Medical

Anyone have ANYTHING Good or Bad to say about St Jude's SCS systems - love to hear it!

Gunny,
Thanks for all the info provided. The only experience I had was about 6 or 7 years ago with a trial done with the St. Jude system. The rep was also in the room with the doctor doing the trial. Im sure much has changed with the St. Jude system since I had my failed trial done.

My pain was primarily spinal and leg pain. All the pulsating was in my groin and kneecap area. Very very uncomfortable. I had the trial done on a Thurs. or Friday; met with the rep on Monday at doctor's office. He tried several times to reprogram without any success. He left me to talk to the doctor. The doctor came in (never saw or spoke to the rep again) since he didn't bother to come in with the doctor. The doctor removed the trial apparatus, along with the wires inserted. I elected not to do another trial after that.

I sure hope with all the work you had done and a very committed staff, they will be able to make the necessary adjustments needed. Too bad about the cervical area. Hopefully an adjustment will at least relieve some of the intense pain you are dealing with.

Prayers are with you. Your tattoo is beautiful.

Please keep us posted.


Gerry

Very valid comments there Ger!

Shockingly, this St Jude unit is working out better than the Medtronics one, yet im not entirely sure relief is here. If anything, I'm very uncom6all over and can't find comfort sitting, standing, lying down etc and honestly can't wait until all this stuff is removed on this Tuesday.

Happy Valentines Day to me right! Lmao

I know that uncomfortable feeling well, you can't out yourself anywhere and nowhere offers much sought relief. When I spoke to my PM & rep about it, they explained the nervous system is over stimulated. Contact your rep and have them dial the ampage down. Sometimes reps think higher ampage works better but in fact lower watts has proven time and time again to be more effective. Mine is a Nevro unit, I don't get the tingling buzzing sensation so have no clue it's in other than a reduction in pain, and sometimes that reduction is minimal.

At present my whole unit is turned off, for other reasons (you can see my post under nerve root sleeve injections) I've been saying now for 3 months I don't think it's working, and I can tell you straight up, knowing the unit is off proves to me now I've been correct these last months. but in the main, for the last 3 years the unit did work. It's just on the fritz at present and will be interesting to see if they can make it work again or if eventually I will have to have it removed/replaced.

Gunny, I guess it sounds like getting the apparatus removed will be a Valentine's gift for the time being.

I agree with Pam, it might be a good idea to contact your rep asap. He may be able to dial the unit down or reprogram it while you are still in the trial period. It's worth a try.

Again, please keep us posted.


Gerry

Hello All.

Nothing new to report on the SCS issue. It did NOT work as we thought, and we are back to square one on trying to find ways to treat this pain. I will surely keep all updated on what my awesome Pain Doc does next, but right now I would TRULY like to thank Gerry for sending me a PM that was so moving it not only brought tears to my eyes, but made me really feel so welcome and so honored to be part of this forum - and to be his "Friend!"

I replied to you just now Gerry - so I'm not sure which you will see first, this post or my PM. Either way, know that I am with you my brother! Thanks again!

Anyone who wishes to share their own experiences with me PRIVATELY I will always remain extremely discreet with the content and you will NEVER EVER see me post up ANYTHING involving it here in an open forum as long as I live! - Same goes for me, Id like to think that everyone here is as trustworthy and would listen to what I say from heart , never repeating it to anyone else. Some things are meant to remain between "Friends" and not be aired to the general public. I definitely have some of those stories from Iraq and have no issue sharing them, but at this point I dot feel comfortable doing so out in the open. I hope no one is offended since they are very sensitive in nature ok? Until then. Im here for anyone should you wish to reach out to me via PM or email. GunnyFitz@yahoo.com

So many of you have been my true inspiration and have helped me get thru some of the toughest times of my life - yes, even harder than 21 years in the Corps! LOL.
Stay strong my friends!

Gunny

Wow
Haven't been on here in forever!!
The SCS did NOT work so I've just been fighting my way thru life day by day, Opiod tolerance off charts, fell into illicit drugs to help numb my body and pain. Now depression is head over heels and it's looking like I'm going back into another Residential In Patient PTSD Program but also to detox and get on Suboxone. However, I then worry about my Cervical Spine pain and not having anything to quell it. This is all a vicious *** circle isn't it? And yes I've been having heavy suicidal ideations too. Last time I felt like going that route I'm lucky it was my mother's birthday and I could NEVER EVER leave the world on her b'day like that. Never.
So I hope to be in another program within a few weeks and I'll try my best to update myself here. Sorry to leave some of you hanging and thanks to those of you who reached out to me via private msg too. Means alot. Talk with you all soon. Hope you're all doing ok with your own battles of pain. God bless

Gunny

Oh Gunny, I'm so sorry, I'm writing from hospital in a severe pain cycle but I don't think mine is in any way comparable to what you have endured. You deserve a good life Gunny, you've served your country and it's time they serve you. Suboxone I'm told by my DB is effective with a supportive environment and planned approach. If you could tap into illicits please try to use your ebbing strength to tap into a support group, use whatever you need to keep you grounded and here with us, & you're right, your mam will never forgive herself.

My fiancé took his life with a bullet after serving his country many years ago now. Alcoholism got the better of him and neither his mother nor I were ever quite able to find peace with his choice. His mum who is gone now too always said she wished she had paid for him to fly out to join me, she felt convinced if I'd been by his side we'd have had a different result. Me, I've wondered also but I know he was racked with guilt over the child S he conceived while drunk. So, I consciously made the decision not to live a life with what ifs. I had to. I wonder at times if it was in the genes, H dad took his life before he was 35, he left 2 young boys, H knew how traumatised they all were after that event, so no matter how many what ifs I role play, I come back to the belief he was on another playing field and I don't believe I could have reached him. But I do believe a stranger might have, someone who knew nothing of his life, his joys, his demons & whatevers. It took me years to come to grips with his choice, even though I wasn't there, even though I didn't find him, I have a vivid picture in my mind as it was described to me, so vivid it's as if I were there.

And as you know I have now another life, (the irony is not lost on me my now husband of 25 years is an alcoholic in recovery) but I've kept an eye on the life of his child S from afar through H mum, after she passed I reached out to S & I've maintained sporadic touch with his only child (as I said conceived through drunk behaviour) he took his life before she was born and sadly the mother took her life with an illicit overdose before the child S was 2. I think their combined bad behaviours drew them together but as I wasn't there I'll never know.

On top of that H own father took his life So she never knew her dad, mum or grandfather all she knows and says is they got sick. She's asked me a few times if I knew H before he got sick. They all took their life for differing reasons but ultimately emotional pain. S has no memories or photos of her father (she actually doesn't recall her mum either) but I was able to share recently photos of H in his uniform, on ship, and on land. I tactfully didn't share any of he and I together, but I did find letters from her grandmother where she talked about H along with Xmas cards. I don't think his daughter needs know the angst, she thinks he and her mum had a solid relationship, she knows who I am though, I've found some letters from him to me recently, so maybe she does know more...She asked me once, you knew my dad before he got sick... ripples from one taking their life are vast, think of it like a flute with notes that go on and on, just as a butterfly wings would go on. I wonder Gunny if you could find peace and comfort from the suicide forum group on here. Alfie is great to talk to. And also on the alcohol and substance group you might want to reach out to Icehouse, Wide0 & Kiwi. We're all here for you Gunny, any time day or night, the beauty of NT is we are world wide and someone is always awake & willing to listen, engage in dialogue or just chew the fat.

BEWARE / Bewarned I've just been given the Medazolam orally (first time ever in liquid from) so I'm quite possibly talking out of my proverbially rear end. I just want to help Gunny you've struck a chord with me. Hang in there please, from all of us. Most importantly if I've over shared, said to much. I'm so very sorry, for that I'm sorry, if you want me back in a box, tell me. I must admit I do feel quite strange, I wonder if I can move my limbs, going to give it a whirl. Watched me get told off....

Nope no movement without pain, nut I tried? DB have our 25 this coming year in August. I'm thinking an overland plane 8 nights within

To hear it did not work
So sorry
So sorry
As your mental state is critical
As we try and find relief of the pains we live with every second of our life to do anything for relief even those horrible thoughts I never thought I would ever think
But I have I cannot take action but put up with it like it or not having lived a sucide as my father a amputee took his life at the age of 47
I don't have it in me
But the fact that I even think it sickens me
How can I say in one moment I will carry my cross as it is my cross and another moment say I want out it's all to everything
I'm sick of the doctors who cannot figure out what's going on the pictures of hands and feet just stumped I can't make it just happen but I'm loosing the ability to use my hands and stand on my feet
And then I have a child who has nobody to take care of and manage to make it happen like it or not
She is getting older and will always be that teaspn to push into the day
Honestly I have no choice but to do what I was born to do
Raise and rear them
One other child my grand baby
Your furry best friend be your babies
Pam having all that love around her
Lots of work
But to loose into their eyes and understand them
Just awesome
I am praying for you that Heavenly Father touch you with a miracle
You did the best you could
The best you could
Funny
How after my second failed PCDF and all the things I have learned to just live with such as water like feeling in my ears
Just something I don't pay attention to
The things so many of us have to just live with
May joy finds its way into your Spirit
Me

Gunny,

Pam has given very solid advice, as well as past experiences.

The ...Suicide forum would be a good start. Icehouse, WideO and Kiwi are also very strong with their wisdom and experiences having to deal with the thread/site... Alcohol Induced Neuropathy (you might want to check this out as well.) Their drug of choice was/is alcohol; but it still deals with addiction, as well as the pain of Neuropathy.

Gunny you were very thoughtful to think of you mother; especially in a time of desperation. Wish you all the best in your endeavor. I understand dealing with the pain and the need to withdraw from overuse is scary. Please give it your best as you have done for our country.


Gerry

Hello there everyone!

Love to write you all a long msg in reply to the kind, caring, supportive ones you have sent me here above over what seems to have been a LONG TIME since I started this thread!
Im thinking of starting a new thread just to update those who Ive communicated with in the past and TRY TRY TRY to begin using this site again.

What I will do is start another thread and link it to this one so it brings those kind folks into it. Plus bring you up to speed on what Im up to now ya know?
So STAND BY......................



Ps. BTW- Not sure if I mentioned this within the thread here before. But any of you members who are THINKING of, in midst of, or had done, anything involving the SCS Trials or Permanent installations, I found an OUTSTANDING group of people on Facebook who were extremely helpful to me and provide so much useful information its awesome! I highly encourage you to request them to accept your "Friend Request" to join!!!

Log into Facebook | Facebook

PS (Again) - For those kind members here who supported me during the SCS Trial etc, I started a new thread with my current plight which I'd like to link you folks to if interested. Here's the link:

https://www.neurotalk.org/medication...unny-fitz.html