I'm back. Now just "occasional" suicidal thoughts.
 

Hello everyone,

For those who don't remember me, or don't know who I am, I am Sam and am now 16 years old. I had a thread called "suicidal thoughts always there in the back of my head"


It has now been 3 years since I hit my head and got a concussion. And to be honest, I feel the exact same. I STILL have depersonalization, and still when I look in the mirror I don't see myself. I am off all medications, (finally!) because they were doing more harm then good. All I take is fish oil and a few other vitamins and minerals. I just live my every day life pretending I have no symptoms, which seems to somehow work.


Instead of posting again on my old thread, I decided to make a new one, because my symptoms and life has changed. I guess you could say I'm back to normal on the outside. I go to school, get A's and B's, socialize, then come home do my homework and play videogames. It's a never ending cycle. But on the inside, I am empty. I wonder every single day why am I here? Where is God? And I just cannot physically wrap my brain around this world we live in.


I am just so numb. And occasional I consider ending it all, but I don't because it is a sin as it says in the bible. I love god, but I don't understand where he is right now, and how this all started, and what is the point? We go to school, to get a job, to get money, then retire and sit on a bench and watch the cars go by? There is NO point to life.


:confused::confused:

The point is that we should love with all of our hearts and make ourselves happy as that is an inside job. No one can do that for us.
I am glad to hear that you are better.
Thank you for posting.
Do you attend church?
peace be with you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

i love you Sammy
you speak of Heavenly Father
a good thing
may you feel his arms wrapped around you
i'm soon to be 56 and still don't know why
but i have to believe
and i have experienced the Spirit
may You too get the goose bumps
be well young man
so proud of you
remember
you matter
love
me

Hey bizi,


I do attend church, and I always feel good after. However, I am still left with so many questions that I wish I could just ask the creator himself. How did this all happen? Why are innocent people being killed? What is the point of all this?


I also find it troubling that if you think of it, we are just a spec of dust in this universe. It is so large that we don't even matter, almost like we don't even exist. Which then leads me to my dark thoughts... :(

This is why we get to create our lives....choose to do the things that we do. Make friends and work at relationships...people are what is important. relationship are what matter. Family and friends. These relationships make or break your life.
Work on them.
they are precious like you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Sammy
you know i'm a mommy to four children
they are in their three in their early thirties
my last soon to be nineteen
and this past year
we all as a family sat at the dining room table
so very proud of them with all the struggles they are going through
not tiny stuff
point
i looked at them all and then to my grandchild
and thought for a nano second
what did i do
i did this to them
and as quickly as i thought that
another thought came to mind
to thank Heavenly Father
allowing me to be trusted to raise my babies
i did my very best
this my Sammy has nothing to do with me
as they too find themselves in this vast place we call earth
to know we one by one
the sum of all
Bizi hit the nail on the head
you matter in every way
you may not think this right now
you MATTER in every way
your strength to have the courage
to express what you have already
to be articulate as you already exhibit
make no mistake
if i am moved by you
many others are too
your existence was not in your control you were
chosen
and if there is one person that gets you
and i do
know we have a purpose
you get to pick and choose who you allow into your world
only you know you
deep in truth
in your gut
listen to the words
God
grant me the Serenity
to Accept the thing i Cannot change
the Courage to change the things "I" Can
and the Wisdom to understand the Difference
this applies to all of us
absorb its hidden meaning
you become the best you want to be
and you are by far on your way

one thing Sammy
remember
crap happens
i too wonder
why do babies need to suffer
as i have seen when in the hospital with my babies
and then i thought
do the parents see the why us
as i have said many times
in the end
it is
ALWAYS to turn it over to Heavenly Father
and know he rules and has a purpose for every
single tiny spec that flies
we are the sum of all
brave you are on so many levels

one thing Sammy
it is a goo thing to go out of your comfort zone
what i mean by that
like music class
school newspaper
i wish i had someone who could have taken me under their wing
when i was your age
the scary thing is i left my home at 17
very abnormal home and parents
and i had no control over them or what was happening

with all i would like to say to you
i think i said enough

you are someone as tiny as you feel love you for who you are
always turn whatever situations you find
out of your control in his hand Heavenly Father
and know you did all you could
stay strong
school i pray you find some joy in
it will be over soon
and if you choose higher education
on your side Sammy
always
love
from the little girl inside that feels your pain

Sam,
So many of us ask these questions. Most of us rely on faith in God. He will let us know all things when the time comes.

At difficult time in my life; I was told by someone very dear to stretch my hands out and "give it all to God". (That was over 20 years ago; I still do this every night.) He can handle whatever it is so much better. The hard part is our letting go. We ask His help; then most of the time, we take over because He just does not seem to be giving us the answer we want.

In the meantime, He has given us "free will" and "free choice". He is trying to prepare us. I'm glad to learn you do go to Church. Sometimes, it just feels good to sit there when almost no one is in the Church. There is a closeness that may help us to open ourselves to Him.

Sam, thank you for coming here and sharing.


Gerry

Thank you, Gerry.


You mention he is trying to prepare us. What is he trying to prepare us for? Heaven?

My brain over thinks a lot of things... and makes stuff hard to understand.

Dear Sam,

I remember being more burdened by these kinds of questions at your age (I'm 36 now) because at that time I was truly starting to try to find my place in this world. My life was hard. It was very difficult to deal with the world inside and the world outside at once. I can sympathize with you, Sam :hug::hug::hug:

I hope that as you develop more and deeper connections to others and start to see a path for yourself in life that these questions will feel less pressing, that you will feel less emptiness. I know that will take time though :hug::hug::hug:

I'm glad that you have faith in God. Sometimes its hard to have faith in His plan, but please try :hug::hug::hug:

As a side note:
Did you discontinue your anti-seizure meds under the advice of your neurologist or another doctor?

Thanks Ohkay,

I discontinued under the advice of my neurologist. It wasn't hurting or benefiting me, it was doing nothing.


Never actually found out what was the cause of my depersonalization, I just still live with it.. I'm used to it now so it doesn't bother me too much.

Sam,
I truly believe each day our experiences are preparing us for what lies ahead in our lives here on earth as well as our final path. This is where our free will and the choices we make come to the surface.

Even tho you may not see this as a plus; as you continue to grow, you look back and are able to view things so differently, you may often wonder "where did this idea come from??? It is somewhere in your memory bank and/or sometimes we may even feel it is God's way of sharing our lives.

Gerry

I'm glad you have a neuro who supported your decision.
I'm of the same mind, Sam...

I don't take any of the MS meds because they haven't helped me in the past, which is not a surprise because of the type of MS I have, and I won't take anything I know won't benefit me.

I just researched more on MS, and I seem to have a lot of symptoms that match up with it. How did you get you're MS diagnosed?


I probably wont even tell my doctor, because he would think I'm crazy. Basically everyone thinks I'm 100% healthy. But I still have those underlying symptoms that I live with everyday. (I just ignore them)

I was diagnosed based on my medical history, neurological exam, and an MRI of my brain and spinal cord after other conditions with similar symptoms were first ruled out. I have Progressive MS (which is rare), so my problems accumulated over time, beginning with escalating sensory and balance problems. I was diagnosed about 10 years after my symptoms began because the connection wasn't made until my tremor started getting worse and I started having more motor problems.

The majority of people who have MS have Relapsing Remitting MS, and have relapses/episodes where symptoms appear for a period of time and mostly go away when inflammation goes down. In addition to progressive disease, I also have relapses. As far as which symptoms stay, which disappear, and to what degree, is different for everybody.

I understand that you have questions, and I don't want to be insensitive, but I'm going to be completely honest: I'm not really comfortable with the "Do I have MS?" question for several reasons, but there is an MS forum here on NeuroTalk, where they are probably all more knowledgeable and up to date on their information and research than I am.

My best advice is to consider the symptoms you are having based on whether or not they are neurological vs. comparing them to a list of MS symptoms. If you are having neurological symptoms they are worth mentioning to the neurologist you were seeing for treatment of your epilepsy.

I REALLY hope you do not have MS.
Good luck Sam :hug:

Hi Sam,

It is very good to hear from you. What am amazing list of accomplishments! Even if your days aren't perfect (whose are?) it sounds like you have adjusted very well to all that has happened with you. Be sure you give yourself credit from a functional standpoint. Getting your grades up to A/B in High School takes a lot of perseverance and daily engagement. This is a tremendous leap forward.

I agree that many of the existential questions you have are expected for your age. Many teens struggle with the same big concepts. There is much going on in our country and in the world that is difficult if not impossible to wrap your head around, not to mention the bigger issues like God and Heaven.

it's good you recognize over-thinking. Try not to do that! School will lead to new knowledge and experiences and someday a spark will ignite a passion in you for something in particular. Not just a job but something that resonates. There is too much pressure on high schoolers to make decisions about what they want to do and be. This may not be clear to you until well into college that's why there is an initially "undecided" major. Try not to worry. You are doing exactly what you should be right now. The rest will come. In the meantime, let life wash over you, influence you, shape you into the kind of person you admire and want to be. You will choose and hold the values that deepen your experience and connect you to others.

Be the change you want to see in the world Sam. Every day who you are has the capacity to touch people. Being a model for carrying on with the business of life in spite of suffering makes a difference. You are far from empty. We see you Sam and God sees you too.

Many hugs, :hug:

Thanks OhKay for the information!

My symptoms are so complex, and sometimes I don't even believe I have any and feel its "all in my head" like everyone says.

Around the time I got my concussion (even before) I started having depersonalization as you know, and I have had numbness ever since. I also get a headache like pain in the back of my eyes when staring at a computer screen for more than 20 minutes. And from time to time I have weird head pain but I just brush it away..


I don't know, I'm a mess. Just like every other teenager. But If I did have MS (which I hope I don't) it would just make sense. That this was underlying this whole time and thats the reason why I have such odd symptoms :confused::confused:

Hi Littlepaw! Long time no talk! :D


Thanks so much for the kind post, I truly appreciate it. Like you said, its hard for me to wrap my head around everything, it REALLY is. I just can't wait to grow older and have more choice in what I do and how I live. Right now, I feel like a robot mindlessly going to school, walking from class to class not seeing the slightest point of me being there. The only subject I am interested in is History, but other than that everything seems like bull-**** information to me.


The curriculum they teach now is nothing like they taught years ago. My generation doesn't even learn how to write in cursive.. (Seriously) And most of the material is just being taught to us just to pass a standardized test, and to make the state look good so the education directors can make money.



Anyways, thanks again for posting. My face lit up with a huge smile when I saw your username! You were always there for me when I needed it. :)

thanks Sam! I have not been on as much these last months but I think of you and wish you well. I've had a lot going on and have made gradual improvements that mean I am out and about more than before.

I know how frustrating the system can be. With a high schooler your age I well understand the issues. I hope your school at least has decent "academies" of focus that allow some exploration. History is fascinating and has many lessons to teach us. It is important to have passionate historians who carry the torch of truth regardless of how good or bad the light it shines may make events appear.

On a practical note - and forgive me if stating the obvious - Have you had a good eye exam lately? Some eye issues, such as astigmatism, can be had with 20/20 vision but will show up on a more thorough exam. This simple thing can cause awful headaches and even slight near-sightedness can cause eye strain. Add in fluorescent lighting and device screens of all kinds and pain behind the eyes isn't uncommon. You might also consider some of the special glasses gamers use to reduce digital eye strain.

Take care and be well, :hug:

Beautiful posts Littlepaw. Thank you. :hug:

Hi everyone,

Super depressed writing this. I just don't understand WHY we're all here??

I recently started a new job working at a coffee shop, and my feelings about this **** we call life are growing. My same feelings of that... what's the point of ****ing working your butt off everyday? To do what? Grow old and sit in a wheelchair? There is absolutely no point. Sure, you'll probably tell me "love, friends, experiences" well I have none of that, and I never will.

I go to school, work, and come home and play video games with the time I have left. That's it. They tell me to go to school to get a job, but then what? Work everyday until I die? Love it....



I want to kill myself so bad. But I just can't because my family would be scarred, and I would just be hurting them. It's not there fault, it's just that my mind doesn't think the same as everyone else's and I DONT see the point in being a slave for no reward. I'd rather die and get the chance to go to heaven if it's really there....

Sam, do you have a therapist? or someone from the church that you could talk to about these matters.
We are not professionals and I believe that you could use some professional help.
A therapist could help you learn coping skills to use to help you help yourself get thru these troubling times.
Thank you for coming here and sharing your feelings.
We don't want you to kill yourself.
You are right it would devastate your family.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Hello Sam: I read through your posts on this thread. I'm fairly new here on NT. But I'm an active member over on NT's sister website: PsychCentral. (By the way... I'm also an old man...) :rolleyes: I was struck by what you wrote because I've spent a lifetime where you are... feeling there is simply no point to living... hating just continuing to put one foot in front of the other day-after-day. Even after all these years, it's still sort-of that way, I guess, although it has been true for me that these sorts of concerns have mellowed as time has gone by. :)

From what you've written, it sounds as though your religion is important to you. I've never been a religious person myself although I have always been very interested in religions in general & spirituality. Over the years I have gradually come under the influence of the Tibetan Buddhist tradition in particular as it is presented in the writings of the American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. :Bow:

The really important thing I have learned from Ani Pema's writings is that our struggles: our worries, fears, anger as well as our joys are really our treasure. We can use them as a way to develop deep & abiding compassion for ourselves and for others. So from that perspective, if we feel that life is simply not worth living... that's okay... we can work with that. We can smile to that thought, breathe into it, perhaps even place our hands over our hearts as a sign of compassion & lovingkindness for it. We can then remember that millions of other people feel just as we do. And as a result of engaging our own feelings of despair with compassion & lovingkindness, we can connect with the deep heart of sadness that lurks within hearts of so many others past, present & future. And in the process we can acknowledge our shared humanity, & dwell within the deep & abiding peace of the present moment. One does not have to be a Buddhist to do so. ;)

Now this may all sound very pie-in-the-sky to you. But I will tell you I have tried to commit suicide twice, and have self-harmed to the point where I have done myself permanent physical damage. I still struggle with what is called passive suicidality every day… simply wishing I would just die. So this is serious business for me… as I perceive what you are going through is for you. The difference, of course, is that I’m in the later years of my life, while you’re still so very young. It saddens my heart to think that you already feel so much despair. :(

I know that others who have replied to your post have suggested you see a therapist. And I do think that would be a very good idea. Sometimes having someone, in real life, to talk all of this through with over a period of time can be a great comfort. So I would also like to encourage you to consider this. Beyond that, I will simply send hugs with the hope that, in some way, you will be able to find deep peace within.

By the way, the practice I described above is called: "compassionate abiding". Here is a link to a nice mental-health-oriented description of the practice:

Relieve Distress By Allowing It: Compassionate Abiding 11 | Mindset: Perspective Is Everything

May it be of benefit. :hug: :Grin-Nod:

I have a strong suspicion that your time with video games is connected to how you feel.

Video games are addicting and also affect dopamine levels in the brain by depleting them. Dopamine is the "pleasure" and "reward" neurotransmitter.

We all have different ratios of neurotransmitters, based on our genetics. This is why there are so many antidepressants, as one does not fit all.

Bizi and others here are correct in that you must get professional help. Teen suicide is a very serious thing and only trained professionals can help you.

But it may be that you are squandering your time and energy (dopamine) on a useless activity that does not lead to positive outcomes or enrich you.

Here are some links to read:
Video Games Can Activate the Brain's Pleasure Circuits | Psychology Today

As a coincidence, this article just appeared on NT Health News Headlines, about dopamine:
https://www.neurotalk.org/health-new...n-bonding.html

This is also a helpful article written in common language to explain depersonalization feelings:
The 5 most common Depersonalization Symptoms

My wifi just stalled, so I am moving to the big desktop and will continue this post there.....

So here is a link to depersonalization:
Depersonalization / Derealization Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central
You have stated that you had this before your head injury, is that right?

There is one antidepressant that works on the dopamine system...it is called Wellbutrin (bupropion). It can work for those that the SSRIs did not help much which are serotonin based.

Your generation is the really the first to have such access to digital media and games. Most of the posters here did not have these outlets, so we learned to entertain ourselves. When I was your age, I read books often, and taught myself to draw and paint. Some do music, others sports, or outdoor activities like gardening, or just plain walking. Exercise is really helpful for the brain, so it would be a thing to try.

Every day you live is a gift, but it is not "free". It is up to you to learn how to make the most of this life, and when you do your brain can come around and change for the better. Don't be seduced by slick video games which are empty and hold little future for you.

Thank you so much for this. YOu are a wonderful man.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I'm really confused. So are you saying the video games are making things worse or better?


Video games is the only passion I have in life, and the only joy I really experience throughout the day... taking that away from me would lead to more depression.

I tried fixing my depersonaliztion for months, visiting hundreds of doctors, trying all sorts of medicine, exercising,NOTHING worked. (You can see my other thread Suicidal Thoughts Always There In Back Of Head) So I just stopped. I stopped trying and let it be, so I live with mild numbness everyday but I've gotten used to it I suppose



And to others hat have suggested a therapist:


I have gone to one in the past, for several months after I got my concussion and my depersonalization first started, it did not work. I would only cry more and get MORE anxiety to go see a therapist and talk about my life. It just made things so much worse for me.

From that time I spent with her I was diagnosed with depersonalization and General Anxiety Disorder. Like I said I was on hundreds of different meds nothing worked, just had more side effects then benefits


She didint really understand my struggles. It was really hard connecting with her and I never felt comfortable sharing things.

Dear Sam,
So you did not click with the first therapist. You can't give up.
some times it takes a while to click with someone.
Try again with some one new.
(((((HUGS))))
I have an addictive personality.
food, alcohol and internet.
I will always have an addictive personality, it is just learning how to control it.
I am seeing a new therapist and this one seems to work...I am ready to get better. I am 54, never too late to try to seek help.
I am rooting for you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizibizi

I have bipolar disorder and struggled for many years with passive suicidal ideation. I had a lot of reasons to question my worth, purpose, and place in this world since I was also an alcoholic and had been handicapped and unable to work since I was 28. I attempted s/s two years ago when I went off my meds, I became acutely manic, and those things (and more) all seemed like rational reasons to end my life.

I really miss the monotonous and stressful things in life like working and/or going to school because that's where I got to interact with other people. And when you have to stop working, you start to feel disconnected because you feel like you're not a productive member of society. It's true that not all those experiences and interactions are all positive, but trust me you would miss them if they weren't there. A big part of what life is about is our experiences and interactions with others…

My circle is smaller now, and I can't do the things that I used to. I still consider life worth living (most days) because I do what I can, find enjoyment where I can, and have love for others, who have love for me. And I stopped drinking.


I still attribute your search for answers to be partly due to your age, but I think that your mental health is obviously at play here, too. I know that you're frustrated by other people's suggestions that your return to therapy since it didn't help the first time you went. I think that you may not have benefitted because the therapist wasn't a good fit for you. Trying again is a good idea.

I know that you have taken Lexapro for your anxiety, but I'm unaware of any other anti-anxiety or antidepressant meds that you've tried, but sometimes it takes more than one try to get on the right med, and many patients find that their patience is rewarded, at least to some degree. Trying again is a good idea.

I know a lot of people would argue that there are a lot of activities that are healthier than video games, but personally I don't think that they are hurting or helping you, especially since you exercise regularly. If they are something you really enjoy, you should obviously keep playing them.

I wish that we had some magic words to say to you that would help make you more content with the great questions in life, but most of us here are quite a bit older than you and don't suffer from depersonalization. I wish that someone younger and/or someone who has suffered from depersonalization would post and offer some advice that may be more helpful :hug::hug::hug:

Don't forget that we care about you, and like to hear how you are doing. We'll do the best we can to offer you the best advice and feedback possible, Sam :hug::hug::hug:

Hang in there.
Kay

Another update..


I feel horrible right now. Recently when I look in the mirror I don't recognize myself at all. It's so hard for me to believe that the kid I see IS ME. Does not make sense.


I just don't know. I don't belong here at all. I have no purpose in being on this earth. The only thing I want to do is join the military, so I can protect other lives that matter because mine doesn't. And make real friends, because the kids around me are liars and backstabbers.


This whole high school thing just isint for me. I'm so anti social. I was going to go to the dance coming up with a friend of mine, but she just canceled last minute and decided to go with another guy. This is EXACTLY why I don't trust NOBODY. And why I have ZERO friends because they all treat me like ****.


Wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. Things would be so peaceful. I'm so tired and stressed and just have no motivation.......

I am sorry she canceled at the last minute.
That was really poor on her part.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

What that girl did to you ****ed. My mother brought my sister and I up right and taught us that we should never treat boys that way.

I'm so sorry that the common high school BS is making your situation worse, Sam. I wish that you could find one good person at school that you click with who you can anchor yourself to to make the whole experience easier to bear...

Maybe you need to start fishing from a different pond to find a good friend(s) by joining an activity, like a club or gym, you're interested in at/outside of school.

I wish things were easier for you Sam :hug::hug::hug:

School
 

Heaven forbid your not in a click
It happened when I was a kid 56 now
My children in their thirties the sham s**t
And then my nineteen year old
I almost lost her to the evil in this world
The hardest relationship ever
But took her out of school twice
School a major ingredient along with others that screwed up the start of her life
Now my granddaughter loves lives school
But there are children who are very hurtful
And mean I it is sad that a five year old child can beep mean and hurtful to other children and no respect for the teachers
This tell me so much that is not happening in schools
My years I dove into sewing cooking shop gym
I was the tallest girl in the school
I am 5'10" tall
Was given the name big bird
That bothered me terribly
Couldn't do anything about how some were going to be
I had to find myself in school
I concur
You need to find that one special someone
Do you go to the school library
You may want to check it out
Just a try
No talking necessary
Let the body do the talking
Getting yourself into a scenario
And the opportunity to meet that special someone
And plenty are out there
I get the trust part of it all
That comes with starting a connection
All else will follow
We need to put ourselves out there
I know how it felt when I was in school
Then around junior year I began to empower myself
It attracted people who wanted more than I was ever willing to give
Complex it always was
As it was for my babies
They were involved
Band music games school paper
And so on
It was not easy for them
This is all true
You empower yourself
You are someone who matters just like the next
Make it matter
On your side
Your cheerleader
Go Sammy go
Time to have some fun
Love

Hi guys,


Just an update and need to vent.


I have so much anxiety and depression all the time now. It just follows me everywhere. I really think this whole life is pointless and just wish a plague wiped out the earth so I don't have to deal with this **** we call society. The sad part is, it's not even that my life is that bad. I go to school, have a roof over my head, etc. But I have SO much anxiety and just feel like a piece of dirt with no meaning or purpose.


I'm trying to make friends and be social because I realize my depression and anxiety gets worse when I'm sitting in my room alone all day (currently in my room alone! what fun!!)


I used to hang out with this one kid all the time when I was little, and I really like him as a person and hes super fun to be around. And when we are together, we always seem to laugh and I always have a good time. But for the past years, we only really talk in school and never hang out or stay in touch.



I've been trying to text and snapchat him, but he rarely answers and seems like he doesn't really care about me. I really want to hang out with him and do normal teenager things but I just can't seem to do it. I keep trying but It doesn't work. Besides, why would he ever want to hang with me? He has millions of better people to be around.. I'm worthless....


For those of you going to recommend to make other friends, I have plenty of friends INSIDE school but I don't feel comfortable hanging out with them outside of school, they just don't get me. But I KNOW this one kid does, be he just ignores me now.

I am sorry you are having these troubles. Why not try to hang out with your school friends? Take up a sport?
bizi

So sorry you feel this intense emotion
Oh dear Sammy
All the questions you must be asking yourself
Your not alone
And being as young as yourself
You have but time to find your way
For some of us life's not just so easy
And to think that you are the only one who has this intense emotion is stressful
You want friends
I know you do
And bizi mentioned a very helpful suggestion
Sometimes we who suffer anxiety and to those who don't haven't any idea what you are feeling
Make no mistake there are many
You sometimes have to step out of your comfort zone
And push through the negative thoughts
Especially the ones where you feel nobody wants to be your friend
It hurts to the bone
You can make a difference
Look for that other your person who is having a hard time just look close they are among you
Help them get through the process of this difficult time in your life
I promise you this
Nothing is permanent
You matter more than you know yet
Open your heart
Close your eyes but see
Touch and feel
If I have but one thing to offer is this
You know the you you are
And who you want to become
Give yourself a break and time that will be the answer to all our questions
Time Will Tell

Do you believe Sammy
That you matter
Do you understand that
We all deserve the opportunity to be a part of this place we call earth

You matter
You are not alone
And you will find your way
Do not step in your own way

You are going through a very trying time
Hang on dear Sam
Don't let go
You will find your way
TIME
GIVE IT TIME
I am cheering for happier times
And step away from the technical world
Go outside and do something different
Go to a dog park if you like animals
Volunteer your services to children in hospitals
Just suggestions
You will find your way
Love
Me
Was thinking
Sammy do you have a school that offers after school events
Do you like to read like a book club
Had you on my mind

I'm sorry things are so hard Sam :hug::hug::hug:

It's terrible to feel rejected by a friend like that :hug:
Are you sure it's just you he's blowing off? Some people have a habit of doing that to just about everyone. Either way, you could think about changing your approach by contacting him in a different way or asking him to meet up to do something different that may appeal to him more.

Is it completely out of the realm of possibility that one or more of your other in-school friends could learn to "get" you if given the opportunity? You are upset that you aren't being given a chance, but are you giving other people a chance?

Reaching out is hard in social situations at any age, but harder in high school. And things are obviously more complicated for you :hug::hug::hug:

Feel free to vent anytime.
And feel free to let us know that it IS just a vent…
I did get that, but I couldn't resist suggesting you try to work with that you already have friend-wise. I'm sorry :hug:

I'm going to continue to wish for the best for you Sam :hug::hug::hug:
Kay

Sam,
Dealing with anxiety is really rough. I know that feeling all too well.

You've mentioned in a past post about working and what's the sense, etc., etc.; but as you pretty much indicated.... "what's the sense of you sitting in your room?? At least working will get you out. You'll get to talk with customers or the people you work with.

Yes you are right; if we live long enough we will grow old. And there will be good times and some not so good times. But that takes effort. Are you up to the task??

If your family didn't work; you wouldn't even have the room you are sitting in or the food you are eating. So, if nothing else; there are some positives to working; even might enjoy certain foods or games, that you picked for yourself with your own earnings.

Yes, you have had some pretty nasty side effects going on; but all the more reason to try to change it. You might even find others enjoy your company with a "new attitude. Whatcha got to loose???

Sam, I hope I haven't been too up front with you; but I think you might just prefer that. I'm glad you come to NT and give us a chance to respond; why......because we care....
Please stay in touch.


Gerry

Gerry, I think that a job is a wonderful suggestion if that is a possibility for Sam :hug::hug::hug:

Sammy
 

Want you to know I think about you
And hope higher education is a thought
You are the future
With many calling themselves
Generation x
Whatever it take to get this world back on track
To many derailments
The power in the hands of our children
You have much to offer
I was wondering should you find yourself in a better place did you ever think of becoming a councilor to young ones going through life when nobody is listening
For the young who want to give up
Just a thought
Hope you are coming into understanding yourself
Oh how I wish your life be all you want it to be
Love
Me

Sammy
 

Thinking of you
Love
Me

Hi Sammy
 

Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you
I pray things are getting easier
The world is so complicated
Keep it simple
I miss when I was a little girl how simple things were
This way before any computers and how technology took over
Especially in the wrong hands
I hope you have found that special friend
Anyhow thinking of you
Be well
Love
Me