At my wits end
 

Im at my wits end here :(. Around 9pm I was on my pc playing Battlefield 4 online. I was minding my own business and was about to logoff for the night around 930 ( I usually log off by 10pm everynight). About 920pm my mom starts yelling at me for no reason. Starts making threats about trashing my pc. I nearly lost it right then. I need my pc for the online college classes at the local college here which start in late aug 2017. Because with the way my anxiety is this bad I cant attend in person. My anxiety would get so bad I would fail. My PTSD, GAD and my heart issues would get so out of hand.......I dont even want to talk about it :( My mom knows of my issues. Plus my severe sleep disorders among my many health problems (both physical/mental) prevent me from getting a full time job. And finding a part time job is a problem itself. My sleep problems are a major factor which in turn are also influenced by my mental issues. My anxiety issues get so bad that I cant sleep without parts of my body suddenly tensing up so bad that I cant sleep. The longest amount of time without sleep because of this issues is about 3 days, of which I barely had 1 hour of sleep for those 3 days. :(

She knows my computer is my only method of keeping myself somewhat calm. I still even have anxiety issues popping up even when Im on my PC. :(
I told my new therapist about my issues and that my computer is my only source of staying somewhat calm. I have to use my tens unit to help out so much that I went through 3 2032 batteries in 2 weeks because my anxiety was so bad :(

Right now my anxiety issues is still too bad. My arms feel terrible. I mean the tension is still so bad my arms feel like theyre being twisted/burned.:(

Hi Gethprime: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Anxiety is something I have always struggled with as well. And as I'm getting older, it seems to be an increasing serious concern. I also spend quite a lot of time on my PC between being here on NT & on PsychCentral. It seems to help keep me calm as well. At least it gives me something to be doing.

I make it a general habit to be off of the computer by around 8 P.M. because I find that if I stay on much later than that it affects my ability to go to sleep when I go to bed. I also have a daily exercise routine & I do some mindfulness meditation... mostly of the walking variety. It all seems to help. Anyway... I just wanted to leave a reply with a wish that you might be able, in some way, to find peace within... :hug: :)

I cant even remember if I slept 1-2 hours (however messed up my current sleep disorder is) or at all. :(

I have found that using sleep hygiene (essentially applying good habits in preparation for sleep) helps me.

There is a general description of it here https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/.../sleep-hygiene .

The arm issues could be related to a combination of upper body posture (head/shoulders forward /rounded/hunched) and/or repetitive activities (computer).

Check you posture - Google Search

Try to have the best ergonomic computer set up up can ..
best ergonomic computer - Google Search

I doubt that because they didnt start going crazy until around the time I had my first huge panic/anxiety attack. When I feel a sense of dread/anxiety/panic/etc, parts of my body feel weird. When Im not in a sense of panic and all my body feels normal.

Though I did find out that Im farsighted last week. So I got my first set of glasses.

As far as your anxiety is concerned, you might like to learn how to use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) methods, ideally with assistance from a mental health professional.

I used to go to a weekly therapy group for people with mood disorders and now use CBT methods to stay in remission from MDD.

A woman there, initially with severe GAD, refers to CBT as her "toolkit". By that she means that she now knows the right CBT tool to select and use when she is experiencing anxiety.

So far my CBT is writing in a journal. I write in it whenever I feel like it. Like when I go to a doc appointment, or whenever I have an attack, or when I do something.

Journaling is a great plan.

I don't know if you use this in your journal but part of CBT is learning to notice and then challenge unhelpful thoughts - in CBT jargon these are called Negative Automatic thoughts (NATs).

Here is a real example, from the woman with GAD who I mentioned above.

In one group session she said that she had been invited to do a harbour cruise.

Her GAD kicked in with a NAT; "There might be a big storm on the harbour. The boat would sink and I can't swim.". In CBT jargon this is called catastrophising.

We helped her to challenge this NAT in Q&A format.

Q: What is the weather forecast for the day of the trip?
A: Fine with light breezes.

Q: is the boat old or new?
A: New.

Q: Who will be running the cruise?
A: Experienced professional sailors.

These and others helped her to challenge her NAT. She did the cruise and had a great time :).

CBT in action.