Sad
 

my husband passed away on Saturday he was my whole world we just loved each other so much we where always together I told him years ago that if he died on me I would come with him we had such a closeness I am finding it hard his funeral is tomorrow and I just want to go with him, I hate being here without him I am so sad all the time I just miss him so bad

Dear Dianne, I want to offer my sincere condolences on your recent loss. I can only imagine how difficult it has been since he passed and now with the funeral tomorrow, your pain and sorrow will be as fresh as the day it happened.

Your husband must have been a very special person if you felt even before his passing that you to would wish to go when he went. I can't speak for your husband, or your family, but I'm sure your husband will not want you to do something rash & act on your impulse.

While it may be too early to consider, there are groups who help you deal specifically with living a life alone once your significant other /spouse has passed on. My Aunts in Wales both lost their husbands in separate time frames many years ago in a small Welsh village but from it they learned woman across the world need help to adapt to significant changes. They began hosting cooking classes titled just for one at the local hall, it including from the oven, stove top or the microwave to fridge or freezer. It's the little things which can suddenly overwhelm you, by habit you will cook for 2, and it's quite hard to adapt to cooking for one, particularly as the shops package everything up for 2 or more.

For so long your identity, in some way, reflected your relationship with your dearly beloved. And now you will need to begin to adapt to living on your own, without him. You may find your identity will slowly shift and change. Don't try to do all this on your own, reach out to family and friends, or local church groups. Or us here on NT. I have found NT to be my life line saviour on many occasions, for many different reasons over the years. The beauty of NT is there is always someone somewhere on line, someone from anywhere in the world. And you can tell them things without fear of judgement.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow Dianne, your much loved husband, well he will be with you in your heart and in your mind. :hug:

Dear Dianne

You have my deepest sympathy.

I have no wisdom to offer you beyond saying that grieving always follows its own course and takes its own time.

Whatever feels right for you, no matter what it is and when it happens, is the only thing that matters.

With care :hug:.

thank you for speaking to me it helps that I am able to tell people that are not going to judge me I know jeff wouldn't want me to do anything that is wrong

:hug: Dianne :hug:

You have my deepest sympathy. I'm so sorry for your loss and I know that feeling of being lost. I hope you'll continue to come here and let others help you through this difficult time.

Hello Diane, just letting you know you're in my thoughts as you move into another week without the love of your life by your side. These days and the next ahead as you negotiate the sorting of banks etc are some of the hardest to bear. I just want you to know you are not alone, you have a virtual online community here willing to help by listening and if requested, sharing experiences. Anything you say here remains here, and whatever you say just know and draw comfort in the knowledge there is no judgement.

sad
 

it is helpful to come here and just talk I would like to thank you all for your condolences and prayers, I feel so lonely with out him we where never apart in the last 10 years he was always at my side I find it so hard to cope without him, we done everything together now there is nothing to live for no future that I can see at the moment maybe somewhere down the track I will be able to see more clearly

Dianne, please remember that we are always here to listen to you without making any judgments.

If ever you want any suggestions (your call) you have only to ask.

:hug: :hug:

thank you
 

thank you for being there I just find it helpful to vent as I am not able to talk to the kids as I am trying to be strong for them but I feel so lonely without jeff all I have done today is cry I miss him so much I hate feeling this way all I want is for him to come back

I'm so sorry for your lose Dianne
 

thank you Debi for your kind words I am struggling, like you I still look on the other side of the bed expecting him to be there, I put my arm out and I don't find him there it hurts so much, I just feel so lost everyone said it will get easier but I don't know I know it has only been 3 weeks it hurts every day.

Hi Diane, I glad to read Debi has reached out, when I read your first post. Debi immediately came to my mind; that & Bubba's flannel shirt. People say it gets easier; but I believe your mind and body just become stronger & more adept to negotiating life day by day. Time passes, but you don't forget, the pain just becomes a little less & not in a time span you can measure or say by this time I will be. Everyone is different. I hope you have family & friends you can turn to, I pray your children in their sorrow are still a comfort to you. :hug::hug:

Hi Pam thank you for your kind words I have family that are trying to help but when they all leave I just feel so lonely I just hate feeling this way it hurts so much I know that time will help but time seems to pass so slowly.

Hi Dianne, time does pass so slowly in excruciating seconds / minutes when you're in mourning. My fiancé committed suicide many years ago, we hadn't forged a life so my pain was different to yours but I do remember how I felt and how people were uncomfortable to mention his name.

Yes it would be hard when everyone has gone home, your house and everything in it represents the life you had. I hope you can continue to talk about Jeff with your family & friends, keep his memory alive, treasure all the good times and the love you shared. From your opening words it clear yours was a life filled with love. Some people choose to plant a tree or plant, they tend to it and watch it grow, I'm not sure if that's you, but it's something I know people do?

Dianne, I think that Pamela has offered you some great ideas.

:hug:

thank you to all that are supporting me I have planted a tree and I am going out everyday to look at it and tend to it but I am finding that everyday seems to get worse not better I just need the hurt to stop I just don't feel there is anything for me anymore without jeff I am lost I try and do thing everyday to take my mind off of the hurt I am feeling I look after the alpacas but there is no joy there anymore it just seems to hard.

Dear sweet Dianne
 

Hi Debi thank you for being there for me I am so glad that I can talk to someone I was in a bad place the other night and I kept thinking about what you said that I have to give it time and it will get better I just wish it would get better now as I am finding that everyday it just seems to be getting worse I am like you where, crying all the time just keep asking him to come back as we where suppose to spend the rest of our lives together and like you I just keep seeing him all around the house I just feel so sad it just doesn't seem to get any better but I suppose it is still early days.

Hi everyone well I am still here and I don't cry everyday as much now I am learning to get on with what I have been given, I still miss jeff very much I have a diary that I tell him about my day, that helps I am still very lonely for him but it is a little easier now after 3 months, and I would like to thank everyone for there support in the early days when I needed to talk to someone, it made all the difference as if I spoke to a councilor they call in the mental health people that want to send you to a mental health ward because you tell them how you are feeling, but you say these things when you are very much not yourself if that makes sense, I know I was not myself just after jeff died I was a mess and it takes time to come to terms with what has happened.

I am so very sorry for your loss Dianne. I am glad you joined this group. This a very caring and compassionate group. You are not alone. Hugs and Prayers.

It has been 5 months since I lost jeff I thought I would be coping a lot better by now it just seems as if it was yesterday I still keep crying I still feel so down I still miss him so much I hate being here with out him I am so lonely I make myself go out and look after the animals as that is what he would want me to do as he loved his alpacas so much I just wish I could feel better.

sad
 

and tonight my daughter ended up in icu as she tried to kill herself no wonder it is so hard to cope with his death and now her attempted suicide how do you keep going I hate all this

Dianne, I think that looking after the alpacas is a lovely thing to do.

I am sorry to read about your daughter - I hope that she can get help with her issues.

My thoughts are with you.

:hug:

:hug: Dianne :hug:

I know how you feel. I lost my DH in 2001 quite unexpectedly. He was 47 and I was 40.

It took me about a year to feel like I could say I was "better". I don't say this to be discouraging but to let you know there are no time limits to grief. Everyone reacts differently and copes in their own way.

People used to say to me "give it time" and "you'll feel better with time". I used to hate that. Time was not my friend. It was my worst enemy. But.......looking back I saw that I was getting better. You don't realize it at the time but one day you'll realize that you've had more good days than bad. You'll realize that you've actually enjoyed something and not felt incredibly guilty for it. It's a slow process - at least it was for me. But is does happen.

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's attempt to take her life. I hope the hospital can direct her to a counselor that can help her through her pain.

I hope you'll continue to post here and let us all encourage you.

Kitty