I am a different kind of depressed
 

I feel awful. And scared.

I am not even sleeply/tired.

Just straight us really bad.


M

My psychiatrist is only making appointments for Mondays and Wednesdays.

I have a full workload those two days. This means that the last time I will see her is March 6.

Her people cannot schedule an appointment for earlier unless I can do a Monday / Wed.

I put in a call to the Therapist I last saw a year and a half ago.

=-=-=


M

Don't they have any wiggle room for urgent , possible crisis cases, or to squeeze someone in for a quick appointment?
Can you email your psychiatrist or office staff and tell them how you are feeling right now?

if it is an emergency skip school! you come first!

yes email them and let them know you need to see them.
sorry you are having this happen to you. You certainly don't need more depression to deal with.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Mdoc cannot do anything. I have not tolerated ANY of her meds.
We tried lots of meds over a 12+ month period and each one had unbearable
side effects.


Old tdoc called me back but will call again about insurance.
She did not help me much when I was seeing her. She and I talked about
happy things because that is what she wanted to hear.
^^^
It sounds nuts when I say that, but it is true about the "happy" therapy sessions.



=-=-=-=-=-=-
Late Thurs afternoon I drove to the beach. It was windy and cold but helped.
Then I went to my friend's house for a few hours and got back home late.


M

Go to the beach more often. I think you gain strength there...
((((HUGS))))
bizi

A tdoc who only wants you to talk about "happy things"? I think that defeats the purpose of therapy, especially now when you could use someone who will let you address your fears...

But you do need to see someone before March 6th.

It is a shame that your pdoc can't squeeze you in much sooner... most pdocs would be able to make that happen. Would you be comfortable asking her to refer you to someone she respects and thinks would be a good fit for you, and has more availability?

I'm glad that going to the beach helped a little.
I hope you find more sources of comfort and start feeling better, Mari :hug::hug::hug:

Today is a bad day.

(((((HUGS))))):grouphug:
bizi

Maybe these might be helpful??

[Telephone, Hotlines and Help lines
By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

U.S. Helplines
US Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433
NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group 800-826-3632
Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433
Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696
AAA Crisis Pregnancy Center 800-560-0717
Child Abuse Hotline – Support & Information 800-792-5200
Crisis Help Line – For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357
Domestic & Teen Dating Violence (English & Spanish) 800-992-2600
Parental Stress Hotline – Help for Parents 800-632-8188
Runaway Hotline (All Calls are Confidential) 800-231-6946
Sexual Assault Hotline (24/7, English & Spanish) 800-223-5001
Suicide & Depression Hotline – Covenant House 800-999-9999
National Child Abuse Hotline 800-422-4453
National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE
National Domestic Violence Hotline (TDD) 800-787-3224
National Youth Crisis Hotline 800-448-4663]

Telephone, Hotlines and Help lines | Psych Central

I'm sorry you had such a bad day, Mari :hug::hug::hug:

I have seen some commercials lately for telephone/internet therapy. I don't know if that is something you would be interested in, but here are some links:

Telephone therapy can be "helpful":

Study shows telephone counseling can be effective

Benefits of Therapy by Phone (NY Times):

The Benefits of Therapy by Phone - The New York Times

Guidance about web-based therapy:

What you need to know before choosing online therapy

Research on internet-based psychotherapy treatments:

Internet-Based Psychotherapy Treatments | Society for the Advancement of Psychotherapy


I hope today is a better day for you, Mari :hug::hug::hug:

I have to go to the dentist Thursday afternoon at 5:00. The last time I went
I had something very close to a panic attack. It's possible I did not take Klonopin, although I do most times.


I am worried about driving home in afterwork traffic with Klonopin.
'Seems like 0.5 will be a good amount -- right up to the edge of being safe on
the road. I DON'T KNOW.:confused:
Also I get Nitrous oxide.
After I get out of the chair, I sit for a while in the waiting room to let the Nitrous oxide leave my system a little.

M

I hope getting to the dentist and getting through your appointment go smoothly today Mari :hug::hug::hug:

It sounds like quite an ordeal. I wish that things were easier for you :hug:

I am glad they offer nitrous oxide to you.
That should help.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Thanks.
Came home safely from the Dentist.

I'm not that great with the steps that they want from me: brush, water pic, . . . .

So I need the visits.



=-=-=-
I prioritize sleep over everything. Certainly and not going to wake myself up
to brush teeth for example.


Feeling the effects of the Klonopin for sure right now. I wonder if I can take less tonight or if I need my regular amount to sleep.

M

I hope that you were able to get to sleep easily without having to get up and take more Klonopin (unless you decided to just take your normal dose anyway).

Have you been sleeping more/better lately?

Re the Klonopin:
I took part of my nightly dose for the dentist and took the rest of the dose
at night -- so my total klonopin was the same amount.


I've been sleeping ok -- have to work more on getting to bed early enough
to be able to get up in the morning so I can be awake during the day.


M

you are sounding better.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I'm glad that you've seen some improvement, Mari. That's great :)
I hope that you're able to find a way to get to bed earlier. I know it can be hard :hug:

Parachute landing fall / prepare for a hard landing
 

I'm aware that my I am I not in good shape at the moment.

I saw someone mention how training for a parachute fall in his youth helped him now that he is older


So I looked it up: distribute the energy over the course of the whole body

arms up
knees together
bend knees
roll onto buttucks


Parachute Landing Fall - YouTube


M

Thinking of you today.
I hope you are better today and that you are getting enough sleep.
Maybe you could go to the beach, is it cold there this time of year?
(((((HUGS))))):hug:
bizi

My pdoc's office called to tell me that the pdoc will send in a prescription of
Klonopin. (Had to go through more hassle than I expected.)


This is why we were meeting once a month (to get meds) but driving
to see her started to feel like torture.

I have not figured out how/if I will look for a new doctor in a few months
when her change of days affects me (only Monday and Wednesday).


M

I'm glad you were able to get your script :)

Changing pdocs is a big decision. You need to have someone you'll be able to get in to see when the need arises tho.

My sleep got so weird (missed too much sleep) that I had to call in sick for Wednesday.

I called the Pharmacy a few mins ago. The Klonopin is ready.



I get so anxious about the meds. I need to see pdoc more often than every three months. Still have not looked for a new pdoc yet.




M

The longest mine will let me go is 6 weeks. I missed my appointment Monday and have forgotten to reschedule, but I won't have a long wait. Maybe a couple of days. She, or someone else in her office, would see me the same day in the event of an emergency...

I would like to see you in a similar situation :hug:

Yes, but by her being only available Mon and Wed, I have to consider a new doctor.


I feel like a spent over a year getting us comfortable with each other.


I really do not want to break in a new pdoc.
I MIGHT be able to stay with the pdoc if I keep her visits spread out to almost to three months but I am afraid it will not work.


More importantly, the last time I looked for pdocs on my plan, they were people
I had already seen or had already ruled out.


I really do not know what to do.

What are the hours on mondays and wednesdays. Maybe you could make an early appointment, perhaps stay awake to see her once every 2-3 months?
I don't know if that would work or not for you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Good idea, but not possible. Not ever.


Her office is 30 mins away. Then there is wait time. Then time for the appt.
Then 30 mins back or longer to get to work.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I wake up at 9:30. I get to work tremendously sleep deprived. I could not get up earlier and work the whole day.
Work starts on Monday and Wed at 11:00. I get home Monday at 7:30 p.m .

For now, I get home a little earlier on Wed.

=-=-=-=-=

I am going check to see if she has another office.
Maybe she sees patients close enough to me on days that are convenient for me.

I realize that she needs to see me more often -- she sucks on the three month plan that I suggested and she agreed to.

=-=-=-

M

It's a new year, so it's possible that more pdocs have decided to accept your insurance. There may be a new option out there for you. It's worth a quick look when you are up to it.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this at all.

That's true. You are so right.

I might get a friend to help me on the computer.
She's calm anyway -- nothing riles her.
She especially does not get emotional about using a computer for something
that I need.

1. I last had a pdoc I absolutely loved 20 years go. I really think he
was a genius.

2. After that, at one point I had a pdoc that I trusted and that I felt was good
for me even though he might have been a bit of an "asss" in real life outside the office.
He went to work at a mental hospital and dropped my insurance.

3 After that I went through a series of shiiitttty pdocs.

4 Current doc I trust.


M

Can you maybe do phone conversations for a while

That would be a great option. I will check with her.


M

I had a really bad day Sunday. Work up feeling worse than I did before I slept.

I felt awful after sleeping so I called my sis to talk about cpap -- she has one two.
She was somewhat helpful but it was a short convo.


Hubby went to the pharmacy to buy cortizone -- the cpap mask is sort
of chewing up the part of my face it sits on -- the mask leaves marks
and my skin gets raw.
That was hours ago and now I notice the cortizone seemed to help.

But I stayed up late doing work and now I have to go to bed.

Mood is better than it was a few hours ago.


M

glad you are feeling better!

I'm glad that your mood and the irritation to your face improved a little.
Have you ever thought of trying the CPAP "mask" that are just nose padse?

Kay,

I tried that for a few moments in the sleep lab. I immediately freaked out.
. . . felt claustrophobic. The bigger issue is that the mask has
to cover my mouth and nose.

Sometimes the marks from the straps bother me too.


=-=-=-

At work, I canceled my last class and kind of faked my way
through the three earlier classes (Make them sort of do work -- not much but enough work that it felt like work to them.)



=-=-=-=-
Something took off in me and made me not want to go to bed -- I only slept two and half hours
the night before (Sunday night) and last night (Monday night) I have not slept at all so now I think I should --
---I like sleeping in the day time and we are in our DAY now.

I think I should try to get myself into the bed.


M

I hope you get some much needed sleep soon.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

When I used the CPAP, I needed the full face mask, too. They couldn't find a mask that fit my little face properly tho. I tried using the damn thing for a while, but I could never get used to it. That was about 15 yrs ago.

I hope that you got some sleep, Mari :hug::hug::hug:

The cortizone helped my face. And I am still using the old face mask.

Today, I am going to try to "new" facemask again. It will not cut my face in the same way BUT I had the feeling when I tried it last week, that I did not
really sleep.
I was up all night so now I am ready to sleep -- will use the New mask
that won't cut up my face in the same way.

M