Concussion anxiety is stealing my life
 

(This is an old post I that I never posted but had saved up on my google docs and thought id post now since ive been having a relapse in my anxiety recently. ive spoken about this issue at length with Mark but I wanted to make this post to see if anyone had any opinions or shared similar circumstances, thank you)

Im an 18 year old, 5'11, 135 pound Caucasian male. I have a history of many head impacts from things in my childhood like accidents, fighting and physical abuse and impacts in my adolescent years from competitive contact sports. Because of this I now have a severe anxiety disorder which currently revolves around a very unhealthy, ocd like obsession with concussions and brain damage.


From online research and answers by doctors on quora.com, it seems as if brain injury can happen incredibly easily, even from things so banal as moving your head around too vigorously, jumping down a few stairs, bumpy car rides/breaking and pretty much any impact or jolt. It also seems as if people who have already sustained a concussion(s) become exponentially more at risk to sustaining further concussions and brain injuries. This is all incredibly demoralizing for someone like me. I want nothing more then to go live my life the best I can but this seems impossible when seemingly everything can potentially cause my brain further harm. I just want to move on in my life and focus on my education and enjoying myself being a normal teenager with friends/gf and doing the things normal teenagers do but it seems impossible if I could be getting constant brain damage. I wanna be able to bump my head, get jolted. go running, dance all crazy, make love, etc... and not freak out but that seems impossible and I feel like I have no choice but to walk on eggshels for the rest of my life.

How do I know what impacts and activities in my day to day life are damaging my brain and what can I do about it? Are the doctors on quora right or do I have a bit more resilience then that to where a hard head impact is likely required?

My irl doctor told me "don't worry too much unless you get a hard impact to the head that makes you see stars, your not doing yourself more harm" (he was being a little hyperbolic I think). Ive also seen a neurologist and neuropsychologist who both said I was pretty much fine and just needed to treat my anxiety and live life but they didn't elaborate on what could harm my brain further and they are not necessarily concussion specialists so Im not sure how trustworthy they are regarding this issue.

How do I move on from here? What would it take to damage myself further? How can I possibly live a normal life and start a family with my condition? How do I know what is damaging or how much damage I sustained in the past?

How vulnerable are we really?
 

So something ive read a lot in my concussion research is how, after a couple bad concussions, you are much more susceptible to suffer future brain injuries.

However, do we know what this means exactly, can anything cause another concussion or does it still take a significant impact force? Can concussion now happen from a sub concussive impact force or is any symptoms caused by that just a relapse of sorts?


Does it still take an impact that would bother most people to cause further damage?

Can I expect to experience some level of symptoms every time I hit or get hit in the head for the rest of my life?

Obviously im being careful to not engage in any inherently risky activities but I still have hope to one day get through a regular active day without even stopping to think for one second if anything I did could potentially be damaging(like how we all used to live our lives). I also have hope to be able to engage in more vigorous stuff like jumping up and down, run, dancing all crazy, playing some pick up basketball etc... is this a realistic goal or am I being too ambitious?

Now I know everyone is different and there is no definitive answer to this question but what do you guys think and what have your doctors told you?

Ive been a little bummed about this issue since some people/doctors online make it seem like a light slap or gust of wind can cause a tbi if you've already had one.

I just live my life by 'I wont stop and worry about something being damaging unless its a direct blow to the head that makes me see stars/rings my bell' but I kind of live in fear of pushing myself too much and causing that bell ringer from an event or impact I would have never thought to be harmful.

Ben, Busted. T was right. Ben E....... is you. It appears you are also Ben A.. and maybe James G.... Every single question they asks on Quorum, you have asked a similar question on NT.

Wow, You have been asking a lot of anxiety ridden questions.
You work hard at reinforcing your anxiety.

I went onto Quorum to see who answered your questions. Dr Condron is no concussion specialist. He is a pathologist. He looks at slides all day. We discussed the need to vet the expertise of doctors who answer such questions.

You need to take the list of questions you asked on Quorum to your therapist. You need to have a hard discussion.

btw. The answer about your cousin by Dr Condron likely referred to the risk of hitting/banging his head when he whips his head. He replied to 'whipping or banging' his head. But again. Dr Condron is a pathologist. He does not work with patients.

As I told you, this movement is called stimming. (stimulating). He likely does it to get a sensation that settles the current crisis. The biting of the hand does a similar function. Some ASDs will actually hit their heads against the wall. That is potentially damaging. But, as soon as they feel a sensation from the action, they usually stop.

I'm tempted to post a link to your Quora questions. Out of respect for your need to address these questions with your therapist. I am not going to.

A neurologist from UPMC (top concussion hospital in the world) even told you to get help with your irrational obsessions.

Have you ever checked out YouTube's Al Lumnah to see how he has established his life as someone has serious struggles with anxiety? Spend your online time doing productive things like seeing how others live a low anxiety life. YouTube has a huge Homesteading community of people who have rejected the hustle and bustle of life to find a calmer way to live.

Yah thanks mark. My anxiety has just been worse then its ever been these last few days, its crazy. Ive been having basically constant panic and the normal meditation and muscle relaxation techniques are not working at all.

I feel like the medication is turning against me, ive been really nauseaus and barely able to eat in the last few days. Ill make an appointment with my gp to see if i can taper of it or something.