Bizi's new 2018 thread.
 

I am sorry that I have been absent.
Thought I would start a new thread.
I have been on the computer so much.

I thought by signing off/taking a break that I would be on the computer less.
So I said I would take a break from all of the forums that I post on.
So what happened instead is that I spent hours on face book.

no better....
So here I am back after one week being gone.
I also felt like a failure because I was not making good strides in self care.
My drinking has increased.
My weight has gone up.
I am not taking my vitamins like I should.
not even brushing my teeth right or washing my face sometimes. I guess I was/am depressed.
Am eating some junk food although That is somewhat under control.
I was getting down on myself.
I am so over weight....I could scream.
My drinking has got to stop.
I just bought 2 -4packs of a beer that I like. It is called ghost in the machine. A local brewery beer with a high percentage alcohol content.


We have done several halloween things that I half forget because I drank so much....
sigh
We are having a friend over for dinner tomorrow night Talapia lemon pepper and a big salad.
thursday night am going to a musical chicago with my girl friend melissa.
She is a therapist and I hide my drinking from her.
Friday night is the university symphony concert where the members will be dressed in costumes.
I am bringing a new friend of mine. Her name is karen. She does not drive.
So we are picking her up at 6;30, concert starts at 7;30 but we want to get there in plenty of time to get a seat. doors open at 7pm.

She is a new friend of mine that I met at sandras health food cafe.
We eat together 3-4 times per week for the past 3 weeks.
I really like her.
She has a photographic mind and tells interesting stories of her life.
She has a history of people abandoning her.
I really like her and want to help her if I can.
I brought her a satsuma orange today. She had never had one.
She needs a recliner she is on her bed in her living room.
She has chronic fatigue syndrome and lot so of allergies.
She has this beautiful smile.

Brings her own soap to wash her hands with.
Unfortunately, she found some things in her food so that she is limited in what she can eat.
She is a vegetarian and gluten free.
I really feel like I can/ want to help her.
She says that I am the first person to really listen to her.
That made me feel sad for her. I have hugged her twice since I have met her. She is someone to eat lunch with she is there 3-4 times a week.
I can't imagine not being able to drive. She lives in public housing and lives below the poverty level. She depends upon handicapped transportation and has to schedule rides 2 weeks in advance. and she can't schedule more than one day....each day she has to call in for the next 2 weeks. I don't know how she does this.



She has been back here since august first. She lived with her mother a month before moving to her new apartment september 1st. I don't know how she did that because her mother abused her her whole life.

Any way.
I like her and want to help her.
bizi
______________

so nice to have you back. you have been missed. you are such a kind person. I can't stop eating and am worried about my diabetes.
love
bobby

It’s so good to have you back, Bizi :hug:

I’m sorry that you are still struggling with your addictions, and feel like you are depressed :hug::hug::hug:

I’m glad that you have made a new friend. It sounds like she has/had a lot of sadness in her life. It is admirable that you want to help her, and I think it may be therapeutic for you :hug::hug::hug:

I hope that you have a good time with all the great activities coming up :)

Thanks kay,
Got to sleep in today.
Was to have seen 4 clients today and ending up only having to see 2 this afternoon. I slept with out the alarm which is always good.
Now to get ready for the day.
Need a second cup of coffee.
Have a great day yall
bizi

I really am glad your back.

You can get things on gear again. Im' glad you found a new friend.


Donna :hug::grouphug:

thank you bobby.
You are a kind woman too.
I worry that I might become diabetic if I keep gaining weight.
sigh
bizi

topamax used to work for me but it no longer does for appetite suppressant

Even tho I'm not gaining any weight, I'm overeating, too. And it's all candy and ice cream. My last random blood sugar was 116. The one before was 108. I have good reason to worry I guess.

You seem to eat mostly healthy things, Bizi. I think that probably lowers your risk :hug::hug::hug:

I'm not sure what to tell those of you that worry. Your going
to be at risk for diabetes.

I've been an diabetic for I believe about 10 years. Not honestly
sure how long. I was and am overweight. But in my case
I was also pre-diabetic for probably 5 years. I just didn't
seem to be able to keep the blood sugar from rising.

I do know that it runs in my family, so I was predisposed to
it for lack of better word.
My grandfather on my mothers side had it really bad.
My mother had it.
I know that at least one of my sister's blood sugar is watched
closely. Guessing the other two might be also.
Mine has been for about 20 years.

I don't eat the best, but even when I do. I can't get lower than
106, and I am fine with that. Because its considered pretty good.

I take metformin and have been lucky that its always worked the
best. Its all I've ever had, except in the hospital when admitted
I always get insulin.

Donna:hug::grouphug:

So, how are you doing, Bizi?

having a couple of drinks just now. My friend melissa is coming to pick me up and go to a quick dinner and then the musical chicago.
jeff is playing banjo for the show.
he basically was forced to play because he could not find any other student to play. Which he did not like and ate up 4 hours when he was to teach but they required him for the rehearsals and thenback to school for classes then back to the center for sound check and the performance is at 7;30.
Some how he will get something to eat.
She should be here any time now.
bizi

Bizi,

How was Chicago?

I hope that you and your friend had a good time.


M

We enjoyed the musical even though we were in the balcony.....
loved the movie version better. The band sounded great. Jeff said he had fun.

For $104 I would have rather been on the floor.
anyway.
melissa and I went to eat at zeas and I had thai ribs and corn grits! both were delicious!
bizi

Sounds great.

Donna

I'm so glad you had fun! :)
You are right tho... $104 is a lot for the balcony...

The Thai ribs and grits sound yummy!

some how my old thread pulled up and this one was neglected. So I asked the other one be closed. I had over 1000 post so it was too long and needed to be closed.


November 1st 2018, I started my new diet, but am not going crazy following.
Lower carbs, no flour, sugar, potatoes, or rice.
It has been 11 days since I have had a drink of alcohol although I have used mouth wash every day but don't swallow it. :)
my scale had gone up to 187 so that was scary....my weight this morning was 179.3. I don't ever want to be 180 pounds again. So drinking alcohol contributed to me gaining 50 pounds in 3 years.
I shall refrain myself from drinking until christmas vacation to see how much weight I can lose. Then go from there.



This weekend was fun!
I actually was able to sit at the bar in whole foods and not play trivia and eat hamburgers and a large salad, by myself and NOT drink any beer, just plain water. I was not tempted in the least....success!
Saturday:we had lunch at chris' po boys. Chicken and sausage gumbo and a bowl of cabbage with remulade dressing. Delicious!
For dinner had chimichurri chicken stirfry with cabbage and onions.
Very tasty!
Sunday was veterans day, I wrote this earlier and added stuff sorry too late to edit but you will get the idea:


Thought I would elaborate my day:
Just got back from texas road house with some friends of ours who are both veterans and we were treated to a lunch. I had pulled pork that tasted just like their ribs and was a huge portion that I took home more than half the order. It had a sweet BBQ sauce so I knew it was not on my diet but then took home the mixed veggies and ate a cup of chili which was very good. Then hubby and I and another friend are going to see the movie about the band queen. It sounds so good. We will meet back up with our friends to go to dinner at the bj's brew house for dinner on them as veterans.
Went to khols and bought a shirt half off with coupons, it is a pretty peacock blue
doing laundry....it has warmed up to 60 so it is nice outside.
The movie was great!!!! really well done about the band named Queen. I kept having hot flashes taking off my sweater then getting cold and putting it back on.sigh
menopause go away.
We went to dinner with same friends that we did lunch with for dinner at a brew house and it was good. I had an ahi tuna cooked med/rare and a large salad with a light vinaigrette which was delicious.
I did a bit of filing for work this evening am going to head to bed early as I have to get up at 730am to start my day tomorrow. I have 5 clients to see.
Another AF day, good day.
bizi

I wanted to thank you all for your support.

You have been so supportive of me and my journeys.
You are like family to me, a loving family.
bizi:grouphug:

Hi, Bizi,


Keep posting.


I read most of the time. Sometimes I take breaks -- can't really explain
very well except that every one of is us managing the best that
we possibly can.



M

Thank you Mari, you mean a lot to me.
(((((HUGS))))):hug::hug::hug:
bizi

Bizi

I've been so impressed with you and what you've accomplished.

I sure hope you can keep this up. I think you can.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I don't really no what I did to my back but it really hurts. It started hurting a bit last night. Had hubby put one of those lidocaine patches. Which I think is helping. I could hardly turn over in bed. Could hardly put on my pants, had to sit down to do that.
What/how am I going to be able to work????
bizi

Sometimes all it takes is an awkward sleep position or turning the wrong way to tweak your back, especially if you have had issues in the past as you have. I hope the pain goes away soon :hug::hug::hug:

I'm glad you had such a nice weekend. You deserve it :)

You are doing so well... 11 days AF and mostly sticking to your diet, which is really all you can ask of most people in the world. I'm so proud of you!!! :):):)

I am so sorry about your back. try emu oil. it really works
fondly
bobby

I wonder about the CBD oils that are legal here and sold at sandras...I will look into this today at lunch.I am using a lidocaine patch and too a flexeril and 2 alieve. I can't sit up straight with out pain...
bizi

That sounds awful, Bizi (((HUGS)))

Have you considered going back to the chiropractor?

Thanks kay. It is muscular. I slept on a heating pad but sleep on my side so it really did not get to my loser back just my side. The warmth still felt good in general...as the house is a bit chilly at 69 degrees.
need to get going...
it helps to use good posture.
bizi

day 14 for me. I just had a craving on the way home and just let it slip away as I drove on by fat pats. My diet has stalled already which it would magically go down!
stuck at 181
Lunch today was 8 oz of chicken salad,spice it was very good! then went to sandras for a bowl of veggie soup that I ate while visiting with karen.
We are going to eat at whole foods, she says it is the only place that she can get romaine lettuce and organic eggs on the salad bar.
Then we are going to hear my hubby's band play, the cypress lake sextet all faculty members play jazz for about an hour.
It should be good. We are going early so we can be insured to get a seat.
bizi

Whole foods for dinner went great! She loved the food that she picked off of the salad bar. I enjoyed my meal too, stayed low carb. (shrimp, marinated red peppers and yellow ones and mushrooms with spinachand cheddar cheese and Parmesan cheese then microwaved it until the spinach was cooked). Delicious.


The concert was great!

Karen really enjoyed herself, so did I....

except for restless legs and I had long underwear on because it is cold here, and they were getting itchy. I could not sit still. I hope I did not bother anyone. This happens at most events but it was bad tonight. ugh!
bizi

So glad you enjoyed your dinner, the concert, and the company! :)

You get restless legs while awake, too?

Thanks kay.
It seems that the restless legs comes on when ever we are at a concert for some reason. I don't know if it just anxiety, I can't sit still.
karen noticed it last night. I asked her if I bothered her and she said no....
I noticed that the klonipin suppressed the restless leg issues when dr. orazio changed me from klonipin to trazadone.

I asked our hosts for thanksgiving if I could bring her and she said yes so that is great! I will tell her tomorrow at lunch. :)


I just realized that I get restless legs at the computer, too.
Antzy and falling asleep, I should stay off the computer!


I forgot to tell you mom and dad were vacationing in new orleans, I could not take off to visit with them.
They had taken the train. Mom was sitting in the seat for too long When they got off the train her foot was not working right.
The next day it was some better they went to the WW11 museum and loved it!
She was dragging her foot and ended up falling and banged up her knee and sprained her ankle and hit her shoulder. She bled a lot. poor mom.:(

Dad lost his phone and was able to locate it using moms find phone app on her phone. It was 5 miles away. He had left it at the bus stop and A nice man had it. Dad took a $57 taxi ride out there to get it back. He tipped the guy $20.
They leave on the train tomorrow.
I texted mom this evening and she said she was better. So am glad to hear that.
bizi

180 this morning buck naked....sigh the weight is coming off very slowly.
sigh
Made it 15 days Alcohol free. Good resolve...wish the weight would go down as that is my incentive to being AF.


After 6 days, I finally showered and washed my hair.
I feel clean all over.
Am running behind this morning as I over slept...must have needed the sleep.
I love this new skin care product that I have been using a few weeks now.
It is made by mad hippie and I got it from whole foods but you can order it from amazon for cheaper and I will do that next time.
It is a vit c serum, There is a dropper to use as it is highly concentrated. I put drops on my face, about 7 drops covers my face and neck.
My skin just soaks it up and feels lovely.
I would highly recommend it.
bizi

I am not following a diet per say....just watching my carb intake.
but not too much like for dinner I had left overs from yesterday lunch.
They called it kibbe...it was nothing like kibbe.
there were pieces of chicken and spinach and lentils and brown rice.
It was a baked casserole, and very good.
There is not much that I don't like there.
So I ate some brown rice....not going to fret over it.
And besides I had a big craving to stop by fat pats and knew that if I did I would eat bad bar food and drink too much...so I thought about eating my left overs and then I remembered that they have a live chat going on at 8 and did not want to miss that. So here I am waiting for the chats to begin.
I drank a stevia flavored black cherry soda. It was very good then decided to make some tea. now I am drinking the tea and catching up on the forums.
bizi

Bizi

you are doing so great. I think you will continue just keep your resolve.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

thank you so much for your support donna.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Finally!!!!
179.7 this morning. I feel confident that it will remain under 180 now.
But will shall see.
I know I should not weigh daily but a .2 move in the right direction is motivation for me to keep going on this diet and not drinking alcohol.
I am so over weight I can't tell that I have

lost 7.5 pounds( mostly water weight). I drank so much halloween...sigh
Made it 16 days thanks to a chat room at HAMS site that they have on friday nights from 8pm-midnight.
I watched 2 ted talks, one on shame the other on vulnerability.
Very good!...
It is supposed to be nice this weekend...need to get in the yard to do some clean up. I don't think it will rain today. And I think it should be in the 60's perfect weather for working in the yard.
Feeling pretty good this morning other than my back which still hurts a bit but so much better than before.

bizi

I hope your mom is okay. I'm glad that your dad got his phone back even tho he had to jump through so many hoops to go get it.

It was nice of you to talk to your Thanksgiving hosts and ask if Karen can come. I hope that she accepts the invite.

Congratulations on being 15 (or 16) days now AF! :)
And congrats for getting under 180! That's a big milestone! You are on your way to losing even more weight now! :):):)

Thanks for your support kay,

your posts are always so thoughtful.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Bizi

I think the more you can take Karen the easier its going to
be for you to stay off the booze. It seems that she may
help with your social Anxiety.

I'm glad things are getting better.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

178.1 this morning. YAY! 17 days AF.
Had a great brunch this morning.
3 eggs scrambled with spinach and a side of steamed spinach with a side of smoked sausage. It was delicious!
Got out my recipes for crawfish dip that I am making for the pot luck thanksgiving. I am also making green bean casserole.
The hostess said I could bring karen.


Karen and I are going to the dance performance at the school of musics auditorium this afternoon( I saw this last night and would like to see it again) so we are going. Then she wants to go to whole foods to do some shopping.
When I was there with her last week, she loved the grape leaves on the salad bar.
I am going to see if she has a microwave.
If she would use one I will buy her one, that is if she doesn't have one already. She is very particular about everything regarding food. So she may not believe that they are safe... in addition to being a vegetarian she is gluten free.

sigh
she is almost anorexic.
I feel sorry for her.
She doesn't have any pots or pans.
I am going to suggest she try these individual veggie options that microwave in a couple of minutes, I believe they are non gmo.




bizi

I’m so happy you made such a nice close new friend. She is lucky to have you, too :hug: