Bizi's thread
 

I forgot about this forum...I need to post here.
I have been posting else where without any activity for quite some time.


I am bizi.
I have an addictive personality and am bipolar.
My addictions in the foremost:
alcohol
food
internet
I will try to be a good poster and get to know you all.
bizi
Is it ok to post here?????



Thought I would elaborate on my day:
Just got back from texas road house with some friends of ours who are both veterans and we were treated to a lunch. I had pulled pork that tasted just like their ribs and was a huge portion that I took home more than half the order. It had a sweet BBQ sauce so I knew it was not on my diet but then took home the mixed veggies and ate a cup of chili which was very good. Then hubby and I and another friend are going to see the movie about the band queen. It sounds so good. We will meet back up with our friends to go to dinner at the bj's brew house for dinner on them as veterans.
Went to khols and bought a shirt half off with coupons, it is a pretty peacock blue
doing laundry....it has warmed up to 60 so it is nice outside.
The movie was great!!!! really well done about the band named Queen. I kept having hot flashes taking off my sweater then getting cold and putting it back on.sigh
menopause go away.
We went to dinner with same friends that we did lunch with for dinner at a brew house and it was good. I had an ahi tuna cooked med/rare and a large salad with a light vinaigrette which was delicious.
I did a bit of filing for work this evening am going to head to bed early as I have to get up at 730am to start my day tomorrow. I have 5 clients to see.
Alcohol free(AF) for the 11th day. Weight 179.3 going down slowly so that is good. I knew that I would lose weight if I stopped drinking those fattening beers.
bizi

Whole foods for dinner went great! She loved the food that she picked off of the salad bar. I enjoyed my meal too, stayed low carb. (shrimp, marinated red peppers and yellow ones and mushrooms with spinachand cheddar cheese and Parmesan cheese then microwaved it until the spinach was cooked). Delicious.


The concert was great!

Karen really enjoyed herself, so did I....

except for restless legs and I had long underwear on because it is cold here, and they were getting itchy. I could not sit still. I hope I did not bother anyone. This happens at most events but it was bad tonight. ugh!
bizi

Bizi, of course it is OK for you to post here :).

Your meals sound really yummy (and healthy).

Eleven days AF is really good; many members here find "counting" very helpful.

What might happen in the early days is that you will have a slip-up; I certainly did.

When I told my clinical psychologist about this she had some wise words; Remember that it was only a lapse. It was not a relapse.".

I found them very helpful and hope they will be for you as well.

:hug:

"Remember that it was only a lapse. It was not a relapse."

Thanks!!

Thank you for your reply ladies.
Hope you are well.
bizi

180 this morning buck naked....sigh the weight is coming off very slowly.
sigh
Made it 15 days Alcohol free. Good resolve...wish the weight would go down as that is my incentive to being AF.


After 6 days, I finally showered and washed my hair.
I feel clean all over.
Am running behind this morning as I over slept...must have needed the sleep.
I love this new skin care product that I have been using a few weeks now.
It is made by mad hippie and I got it from whole foods but you can order it from amazon for cheaper and I will do that next time.
It is a vit c serum, There is a dropper to use as it is highly concentrated. I put drops on my face, about 7 drops covers my face and neck.
My skin just soaks it up and feels lovely.
I would highly recommend it.
bizi

Well done for 15 days :)!

I think that "slow and steady" is the way to go for sustained weight loss.

Thanks kiwi,
I am not following a diet per say....just watching my carb intake.
but not too much like for dinner I had left overs from yesterday lunch.
They called it kibbe...it was nothing like kibbe.
there were pieces of chicken and spinach and lentils and brown rice.
It was a baked casserole, and very good.
There is not much that I don't like there.
So I ate some brown rice....not going to fret over it.
And besides I had a big craving to stop by fat pats and knew that if I did I would eat bad bar food and drink too much...so I thought about eating my left overs and then I remembered that they have a live chat going on at 8 and did not want to miss that. So here I am waiting for the chats to begin.
I drank a stevia flavored black cherry soda. It was very good then decided to make some tea. now I am drinking the tea and catching up on the forums.
bizi

Finally!!!!
179.7 this morning. I feel confident that it will remain under 180 now.
But will shall see.
I know I should not weigh daily but a .2 move in the right direction is motivation for me to keep going on this diet and not drinking alcohol.
I am so over weight I can't tell that I have

lost 7.5 pounds( mostly water weight). I drank so much halloween...sigh
Made it 16 days thanks to a chat room at HAMS site that they have on friday nights from 8pm-midnight.
I watched 2 ted talks, one on shame the other on vulnerability.
Very good!...
It is supposed to be nice this weekend...need to get in the yard to do some clean up. I don't think it will rain today. And I think it should be in the 60's perfect weather for working in the yard.
Feeling pretty good this morning other than my back which still hurts a bit but so much better than before.

bizi

That all sounds really good bizi :).

Thank you kiwi!I appreciate your reading my thread.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi
178.1 this morning. YAY!
17 days AF!

178.1 this morning. YAY! 17 days AF.
Had a great brunch this morning.
3 eggs scrambled with spinach and a side of steamed spinach with a side of smoked sausage. It was delicious!
Got out my recipes for crawfish dip that I am making for the pot luck thanksgiving. I am also making green bean casserole.
The hostess said I could bring karen.


Karen and I are going to the dance performance at the school of musics auditorium this afternoon( I saw this last night and would like to see it again) so we are going. Then she wants to go to whole foods to do some shopping.
When I was there with her last week, she loved the grape leaves on the salad bar.
I am going to see if she has a microwave.
If she would use one I will buy her one, that is if she doesn't have one already. She is very particular about everything regarding food. So she may not believe that they are safe... in addition to being a vegetarian she is gluten free.

sigh
she is almost anorexic.
I feel sorry for her.
She doesn't have any pots or pans.
I am going to suggest she try these individual veggie options that microwave in a couple of minutes, I believe they are non gmo.




bizi

I really enjoyed the dance again, so did she.
It was almost 4pm and she had not eaten anything and she was a little woosy when she first got up.
So that was the first order of business when we got to whole foods.
She ate off of the salad bar and unfortunately they did not have any greek grape leaf dolmas finger food like last week. I snacked on some samples of cheese that we very good!

She made a wonderful salad and enjoyed that very much.
WE discussed how she has only been eating one meal a day and how she has been losing weight.
She agreed to changing, to twice a day.
She already has a microwave and doesn't want a pan to cook eggs in then she would have to do dishes and that is too much for her., except she wants a pan to boil eggs in.
She has chronic exhaustion and pain from a car accident in 2001 and then an electrocution a year and a half ago. She is lucky to be alive!Q


I have to say that it took a lot of patience on my part because at the grocery store she reads all of the ingredients to check for dairy, wheat,soy,sugar. She is on a very strict diet and it has to be organic eggs and free range too. and everything that she will eat is non gmo.
I was very tired after shopping with her and really wanted a drink.



Tonight I ordered some protein bars a few different flavors to see if I like them and will give them to her to see if she likes them before I buy a box, they are on sale right now. They take up to a month to be made and shipped to me. That is a long time. No instant gratification here!


Dinner was chicken with an indian sauce and a side of cauliflower carrots and brocolli mix that was very good all mixed together.
had 2 squares of dark chocolate.
I bought a case of stevia flavored sparking water drinks.
will drink them in the evening when I get the munchies.
I am chewing gum...my stand by for keeping my mouth busy.
bizi

177.3 this morning.
coming down slowly but surly.
bizi
who is running late this morning.

I am thinking that I have a form of TD.
I get so antsy in the evenings at the computer and at the theatre or plays at night...I can't sit still.
I am constantly moving. I fidget in my seat.

I get so worked up when I am home some times I hit my legs to try to get rid of the agitation.

I am not sure what it is. I thought it was restless leg syndrome at first.
Maybe it is anxiety????
I don't know this has been going on for quite some time even before I started taking 2 Anti-psychotics. I sit at the computer and get worked up and restless. Maybe it is over stimulus????
anyway it is very very uncomfortable and frustrating.
I was with karen at a concert and started moving and ....later I told her that I had restless leg syndrome and I hoped I did not bother her, she said I did not.Other times it doesn't happen at all when we are out.
sigh
Some times it is exhausting being me.
bizi

I am 176.9 this am. My goal weight is 140 that is 37 pounds away. I am 5'7"
I am hoping to wear my old wedding dress for halloween next year. I wore it this year but could not zip it up at all! Plus I want to get into my old scrubs again.I fuigure if I keep at this I will lose the weight sooner...have already lost 10 pounds but I know some of that is water weight.
bizi

Staying AF tomorrow won't be hard....
Will drink lots of hot tea and hold it in my hand.

Plus karen will be there and she doesn't drink.

Tomorrow, I am picking her up at 1030 and taking her

to her mothers house for an unexpected thanksgiving lunch.

She does not get along with her mother nor her daughter

who will be there as well.
Then come get her at an unknown time after that.

Well I have 2 things that I need to prepare tomorrow.
Green bean casserole and crawfish dip.
The dip will take the longest to make.

Once combined the green beans cook about half an hour.

And heat up her vegetarian chili and shredded carrots.
WE are supposed to be there at the pot luck around 3pm.
bizi

Bizi, I think that you are doing great :).

No alcohol, losing weight steadily and eating in a healthy way are all tremendous.

Well done!

:hug:

Thank you kiwi, happy thanks giving if you celebrate.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Well we dropped karen off back to her apartment.
Nell and Suzie were awesome hosts.
There was a good turn out. 15 people at least.
Every one brought lots of food. All of it was great. I had small amounts of almost everything.
They liked our food but did not eat but half of the green bean casserole so I gave some to Nell, she loves them. and there was too much dip.
My social anxiety was not that bad because I knew half the people there, I talked to karen mostly all evening.
I am so full I think I would have been ok with everything except I had 3 different desserts sigh, when will I learn? Hoping I can sleep tonight. We stayed until 7;30.pm.
Bizi who is stuffed!

It was an interesting day.
Jeff had lunch with a friend so I had lunch at sandras with karen.
I ate salmon and chard and squash and carrots.
I had brought karen some of the left over chilli from last nights thanksgiving meal.
She asked me if she could cancel her ride on the handicapped bus and I said I could give her a ride home. So we ran to her house and dropped off the chilli.
Then I asked her if she needed to go anywhere.

We went to this store called the drug emporium she had never been there. So we looked around and she ended up getting some groceries, they were cheaper than where she has been shopping. I talked her into getting some ice cream...she was so excited.
She has denyed herself of simple pleasures.
I dropped her off at her apartment and I went to get my nails done.
Then called jeff to see if he was going to trivia and I would meet him at home by 5pm.

Our friends showed up which was a surprise, trivia was fun because they were there.
Melissa has become a close friend of mine....
Before then, I had an internal battle/cravings going on in my head about drinking beer at whole foods bar for trivia night. I really was considering it. I felt like no one would know if I did or not. My weight was up from all of the eating I did for thanksgiving. But then I thought about my challenge for a dry november to see how much weight I could lose and did not want to disappoint anyone on here. So you held me accountable.

So I ordered food and drank water all night long.
Ate a double pepperjack cheese burger with sauteed onions, mushrooms and bacon with a big salad with ceasar dressing.They were delicious! I am full but not stuffed. https://sparkpeo.hs.llnwd.net/e1/ass...oticons/e4.gif
I am so glad that I did not drink.

In the bar as I was drinking my water I looked
across the bar and there was my psychiatrist, playing trivia and having fun.
I have never seen her in public before, I wonder if she saw me.

We finished trivia in 4th place so no gift cards for us.
It was a good day.

bizi day 23 done. https://sparkpeo.hs.llnwd.net/e1/ass...icons/e224.gif

Jeff and I went out of town to take a hike. Drove to an area that we had never been before and liked the park. It was only 3.5 miles and I thought we would never get done. It wasn't that is was a hard trail just a bit hilly on occasion, and we were stopping to watch some birds on the reservoir:herons and egrets and some birds that were grunting! lol It was an hour and half from our home and when we came back I slept in the car as I was falling asleep.
We were invited to a green gumbo party. We brought our left over crawfish dip and the rest of the green bean casserole. The food was very good! I helped wash some of the dishes trying to be helpful....Now to watch Dracula. https://sparkpeo.hs.llnwd.net/e1/ass...ticons/e18.gif
bizi
we enjoyed our saturday!

Had 2 cups of coffee this morning. Got up at 3am and went into the other bedroom to sleep as I was having restless leg and did get to sleep and slept in till 10;30.
Went to brunch at the diner and had 3 scrambled eggs, with spinach and a side of louisiana smoked sausage. IT was delicious, hubby had a bloody mary...no twinge of jealousy today.
Happy to be alcohol free and losing weight.
Stuck at 178.6 this morning....at least it is not 180 like I feared with all of the food that I ate over the thanksgiving break. I will throw out the rest of the green bean casserole and crawfish dip after jeff eats his desired amount.
Back to dietville today.
Not sore today from the 3.5 mile hike yesterday so that is good.
It is rainy today so it will be a chore day. Laundry and paperwork for this afternoon.
We have calf meat that needs to be eaten. Jeff was not happy that I bought calf beef, I did not really think about it.
It is grass fed and pasture raised and looks great so I need to come up with a recipe for tonight.
It has been a really nice 4 day weekend!

Bizi

I will stop posting here, private message me if you wish to participate in this forum.
bizi

Bizi, I reckon you are doing really well; AF, healthy eating and now lots of exercise are all great things :)!

:hug:

Thank you for your support!
Had lunch with 2 of my lunch bunch friends. Which is always great to see them.
I told them of my Karen stories and they both told me to not deal with her any more. She has too many issues. I am kind of sad about it...I tried to help her and she did not want my help. She stopped going to sandras cafe for lunch so that is sad, and I had been eating lunch with her for a couple of months. I gave her a gift certificate to sandras for christmas and never heard from her. I won't call her like my friends told me. If she goes to sandras again I might say hi....Rejection is hard to take. I also hate confrontation. https://sparkpeo.hs.llnwd.net/e1/ass...ticons/e40.gif
Maybe I will never see her again....I don't know.

anyway today is day 2 AF.
I weighed 184 last night. 14 pounds heavier than before our vacation. Drinking fattening beers really bloated me. https://sparkpeo.hs.llnwd.net/e1/ass...ticons/e15.gif I think the scale will reflect that in this next week.
Had a slice of jeffs cinnamon bread/cake for breakfast with 2 cups of coffee.
Ate beef moussaka for lunch with a cup of turkish coffee.
Before dinner I had a slice of sharp cheddar cheese. For dinner Jeff cooked pork chops in coconut oil. and steamed broccoli.
After dinner, I snacked on 1/2 cup of mint chip gelato and one diet fudge pop and a handful of almonds. I drank sparkling water sweetened with toffee stevia.
I had a lot to eat today but did not drink any alcohol.
Hope I don't substitute food for alcohol. I really want to lose this weight and the only way that will happen is by eating less and moving more...so I will start going to the gym again and walking on the tred mill. I will go tomorrow. https://sparkpeo.hs.llnwd.net/e1/ass...icons/e311.gif

I really need to take a shower tonight as I can't seem to get up earlier in the mornings now that I have been seeing 8:30 appointments. I set the alarm for 7:30 and roll out of bed.

Jeff is gone playing trivia with a friend and I was going to go to the gym tonight but changed my mind.

Have been reading this good book called the night circus. It is very good.
Jeff and I started watching LOST again. This will be our 4th or 5th time watching the entire series. We love it! It is something that we share doing together. We were watching 2 episodes of seinfeld but it moved to an hour later so that stopped.
So I am very happy we are watching LOST again!!!!!!
Thank you for reading this post.
bizi

This evening, I announced at 7:30 pm that I was going to an AA meeting.
Jeff said Why?
I said why do you think?
He yelled back "you are not an alcoholic".
I told him he was in denial.
and out the door I went.
It was held in the meeting room at a near by church. There were a lot of cars in the parking lot, people every where.
I wondered if they were having church services.
I filed in with everyone and sort of asked a young woman, Heidi, if this was the AA meeting and she said yes. She invited me to sit next to her.
Wow.
There were over 100 people, I counted them.
This was my 2nd meeting of AA. the first one was a couple of years ago at a different location...there were less than a dozen people and they made me speak.
I did not like that at all.
So this evening I could just sit and watch and listen.
It was very religious. The meeting lasted an hour and there was much discussion about praying and giving the power up to God.
For this I felt very uncomfortable. At the end of the meeting we all got up in a circle and holding hands prayed the "The Lords prayer".
I came home and told Jeff of the hundred people and he was just as surprised as I was.
How is that for avoiding the gym!

bizi

Bizi, I wouldn't worry about putting on some weight. Eating a bit too much sometimes happens over the Christmas-New Year period.

I tried AA a couple of times but it did not work for me, maybe because I am not religious. On the other hand somebody who I met when I used to go to a mood disorders therapy group found that it was good for her; she is not religious either.

I suspect that a lot depends on the social dynamics of the group.

:hug:

I just registered with WFS. women for sobriety.
Am awaiting approval. They have a chat room that I am interested in.
It sounds really good.
Very much affirming....
I think that religion is not their basis.
We will see. Some cities have person to person meetings, we don't.
Maybe this will be the forum for me????
bizi

I hope that WFS works out well for you.

I have not posted here in over a year. hope kiwi you are well.
going to bed am tired.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I have been drinking way too much.
sigh what will it take to stop me.
bizi

I made a few alcohol few days and then had a few2 drinks to date. but tonight I had 5 drinks.
sigh
went out with friends.
bizi what to do...????

I had 5 beers tonight, just got some bad news...am using that as an excuse.
bizi

I stopped at 3 big 16oz beers.

Holly beach is so good.
They will run out of it soon as it is a seasonal beer.
It is made at parish brewing company in brousard where we play trivia on thursday nights. We have not been doing well lately.
anyway,
the house is cooling down it was at 76 degrees, I had turned down the air and turned it back up this evening.it should be 72 degrees once we go to bed.
Amazing what one night of no air conditioning still had a fan on us so it was ok.
I can't imagine people who don't have air conditioning due to power out-ashes.
and how our ancestors made it with out electricity and how they cooled off.
although I think the upper temps have more to do with global warming.
yikes!
any way it is hotter than records and can't help but think that we are contributing to global warming.
bizi

I can't have just one....I had to have 4, 16 oz beers tonight.
sigh
bizi

I had 2 baby beers at fat pats,
then one 12 oz beer mixed with pineapple juice. yummy!
bizi

here I am at home on line when I should be doing paperwork and calls for appointments. I am also drinking a beer I have 3 clients this afternoon.
not a good sign.
bizi

I am grieving the lose of a good friend of mine.
Doris struggled with congestive heart failure, CHF.
she was supposed to have a valve replacement and died struggling with
having dialysis 2 days and finally after they had tried every thing she got off oxygen and was seeming to improve, she needed to get stronger in order to have the replacement of her heart valve. She had been transfered to a rehab facility.
she made it 2 days then they had to trans port her to the hospital where she coded several times and they tried every thing but she died in the icu.
she had been battling for a month, in the hospital ICU for 3 weeks then 2 days at rehab. I am sad that she died. she was one of 2 really good friends here.
I am glad that we got to share a road trip with each other, her to see her mother and take care of her for 3 days. and then we went up to north carolina to see a blue grass festival. I will miss our tea parties.

I am cooking a pork roast in the crock pot tomorrow.
Will use cream of mushroom soup and carrots and mushrooms.The roast is preseasoned.


The calling for Doris was this morning at 9-11 before the service.She looked at peace.
I got there around 9;30
I got up at 8am because I had to take a shower.
The funeral home gave me a picture of Doris with her obit inside. It is a lovely picture of her.



my nails are getting so long that i type with them and have to correct a lot of things
as I go along. I should trim them back, but they look pretty so I think I will keep them

a bit longer.I need a pedicure,the hallie cat is licking my toes and occasionally tries to
bite my nail, wonder what about my feet she likes????


Well I got tired of looking so stuffed into my scrub tops that I stopped by the uniform shop
and bought 5 extra large tops 3 blue and 2pinkish.speaking of which I need to go put them in the dryer right now.


the house is hot I turn the thermostat up when we are not home for the day then turn

the air back down to cool the house we like to keep it 72 degrees at night and 75 during the day.
with menopausal hot flashes It sucks being hot.tuesady night I finished most of my billing I ran out of stamps.
Have not charted the directive for the foot care nurses just says that I need to

get doctors orders it doesn't say specifically that I need to chart.
I know I am trying to rationalize not charting.

bad me.
I am so glad for spell check!
I have had 2 drinks 2 days in a row. which is moderation.
I like it.