6 yrs out and still lack self awareness
 

I am just over six years out. I have moderate memory issues, and I explode when hurt, angry and over my limit. It doesn't happen every day. Once every few months, but it hurts my loved ones terribly. As it starts up with pain, or hurt, frustration, then anger, there is nothing in me that resorts to the damage I did last time and that I don't want to hurt my family. It's not a thought in my head. I feel like I am not me.

In between I talk to myself and work on learning why. I know I have triggers. I ask for help, or something that I need done and my family is busy with work and school. They often don't take care of what I have asked. It can take a long time. I ask and ask and ask and get to a point where I get mad.

I hate this about myself. I hate that I can't remember times I have been this ugly person. I sat down with my husband and told him I need help because my brain can't handle so much and I talked about him not hearing me and how I feel.
My brain is different since my TBI. I don't process like I could before. Thoughts don't always fit together and it takes a while. I live with a lot of frustration because I feel inadaquate.

I love my family and my actions don't reflect my love for them. I am in counseling. It's a process. I am focused at an hour by hour pace right now.
I just needed to talk to others that are like me. It's a lonely injury and hard for many to understand. Being a parent is exponentially harder now. I won't quit.