i will just go back with out of control
 

my sleeping is horrid. my thoughts are horrid. i have no energy. my eating is out of control. my spending is out of control. i seem to having trouble with my irritability and anger. at least i learned something about martin luther who was probably bipolar and later in life a huge anti Semite whom Hitler would quote. I don't get why the roman catholics of his time just went with him.
i just use the word Gaba.
i have been listening to baroque music which isn't helping. I was trying to read a prayer book but aby keeps on knocking it off. i am very angry at myself for not doing the p.t. exercises. i lately seem to have no self control.

Bobby what happened? you were doing better?
love you bizi

I don't have a clue. i was raging yesterday. I didn't dare call any of my friends.
zeynep's sister is dying of cancer. The other day she called and talked about a half another about Peri. I freak everytime I get an email from her. Linda's eldest son had a pancreas transplant so she is terrified of his dying from the virus. I couldn't call Kathy because I know she loves me but can get me upset. I kept on thinking of all the self absorbed and selfish people. They fill me with rage right now. I didn't want to bother Joyce. I was a beast yesterday. I just can't stand the isolation.
love
bobby still filled with rage and little sleep.

thank God I AM AFRAID OF GOD.

Left untreated, symptoms usually worsen, with 39% of people with bipolar disorder eventually being hospitalized—more than any other mental health condition! And people with bipolar disorder are 15 times more likely to attempt suicide than the general population.

surprise i just checked how much my k cups cost. they were about 6 dollars cheaper. i can't believe it. bought two. then i saw the gaba was cancelled. i did buy Inositol. I had read that I use little moo moo coffee creamer and they went up from 9 dollars to 38. dollarsi Gaba could interfere with your blood pressure. Maybe things are changing.
i have never been a jealous person but lately with this isolation I am jealous of people who are having fun and not alone.
i screwed up ordering from fresh. i bought so many bags of greens by accident and i bet most will rot. i also ordered more chocolate and i had potato chips. totally out of control.
yes I have been praying. i do believe the more you suffer the more you get closer to God. It is almost the easy way. I so wish I had Suri to talk to. Alice was a dear and helped with Zoom. She is the opposite of self absorbed besides being brilliant and kind. I couldn't call her yesterday. She worries about me. Now her two kitty cats are sick.

Bobby

I'm sorry its so bad right now. I don't have any answers. I'm wondering if when
it starts to get so bad. If screaming would help. Also I'm thinking maybe
instead of calling Alice for help you could think about calling her to listen
about her kitty cats see if maybe you could help her.
I do realize that isn't exactly helping you, But I think you will find it will
help you. Maybe not with what you need but some things.

Donna

it would help me a lot. a couple of days ago i spent over 20 minutes listening to her update about her kitties. i think it is too soon to hear the latest update.
i will probably call linda today. she recently had a double mastectomy. soon she is going to have something done with her knees i think she will have gel injected into them.
love
bobby

i just got a call and getting another therapy from spop. she will call me in a week or two.

I am sorry that linda had to have a double mastectomy....poor thing. How is she doing. did they take lymph nodes too?
Has it spread any where?
bizi

I hope I'm not being annoying but here's a good drug interaction checker bobby...
It asked me to switch off my ad blocker though. Sometimes people get in my ear about taking this and that but they don't always realize that some things just can't be taken together. I always try to run stuff like that past my docs, especially when it's a delicate balance such as mood related.

Drug Interactions Checker - For Drugs, Food & Alcohol

I sure hope you can get some calmer time soon and also catch up on some good nights of sleep.

i don't think it has spread. this is her third time. she knows so much about cancer and worked at dana farber for 25 years. she had a wonderful childhood so she is very strong. her father was a top labor lawyer and jack and bobby kennedy would come to her house. her mother and father would dance and sing in the house.
she is so worried abut her eldest son who had a pancreas transplant. he is a goner if he catches the virus.
love
bobby