for Shannen Doherty, a personal story
 

for Shannon Doherty, a woman I do not know but with whom I share many things.

today I saw your tears
and I cried again with you
I didn’t have anyone with me to see my tears or know my fears I can tell you now that I totally understood your sadness and your fears.

It’s a very scary process.

To have been through so much and then for it to pop up here and there in our bodies and especially our brains is a horrifying feeling. Then suddenly we’re having our head bolted to tables and enduring hours of spinning with the gamma rays do their jobs. I was lucky, it worked for my brain mets.

I was unlucky that the mask covered my entire face which caused even more claustrophobia. I sometimes wish I'd saved that mesh mask that was hand shaped onto my face and neck that day before the bolts went in. I do have to say some strong sedation may have helped, but alas. I recall being given the mask away that day almost in a state of anger

I hope they allowed you to listen to music. I listed to Bryan Ferry album where he sings all Bob Dylan songs and some others. I think if I could just tap one of my toes at least I would have thought I hadn't left the planet already and that I was still alive despite the freezing fear. It helped me through. I really was a 1000 miles from home with no direction home. In a strange hospital and then a strange hotel room in a strange city.

The stereotactic surgery with gamma knife got rid of my brain mets but they were a different type of met. I hope it works for Shannon Doherty with her different type of cancer.

This person I do not know but was so brave to show her tears and her fears so openly and honestly. Yes, this is what cancer looks like and not one single part of it is easy. I truly wish you well, but we know it's not a good place

I'm hoping that the amazing wonders of science can help this woman as it helped me.