It's going to still hurt
 

Hi all,

My friend Doug I am thinking could go very soon. I really didn't expect him to make it to the weekend but knowing how much of a fighter he is he may just last. He's been doing a whole lot of sleeping and also having lots of company so I've had a lot of free time on my hands now. It helps when I'm not with him a lot and watching him suffer which hurts me. It gives me some denial of what is happening when I'm not staring his death right in sight. Although on the other hand, I think I have accepted him dying. I know though when the time comes and he is called home that it's still going to hurt a lot.

befuddled2

:hug:

it is going to hurt hon. you will also feel releif that he is out of pain. lots of mixed up jumbled feelings. even guilt cuz you are relieved he is out of pain. been there.

we will be right here for you with open arms.

Thank you for the hug Curious. I have been thinking about those very things you mentioned also.

I massaged Doug all over about an hour ago till he was almost asleep so I'll go back in about 2 more hours to see if he's up. His uncle was there and changed the wet bed sheets as I was having a hard time doing it with Doug in the bed and the bed up in the corner. I had to get up in the bed with Doug to try to put the sheet under the mattress in the corner. I told him jokenly that I didn't realize I'd be in the bed with a man so soon again and laughed. Poor Doug though is no longer laughing today. He's talking out of his head again. Then when his uncle left I went back to Doug's and Doug told me he didn't feel comfortable with asking his uncle to put the cream on his behind where the bed sore is so I did that. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I'd be performing some sort of nurse's aid work. It is not half bad work if your in good enough shape to do it. It is kind of rewarding to make people comfortable. Although very depressing to see them die slowly.

befuddled2

Barbara

You are one amazingly strong lady.

DOug is so lucky to have you. And I'm guessing he knows it. You make sure you take time for yourself. And I'm so glad that he has so many that are stopping to spend time with him now.

That has to be a peaceful thing too. I know it bothered you before when it seemed no one cared about him. So you make sure you take time for yourself.

Hugs and we are definately here.

Donna

what do you think about being a home heath aid?

Hi Donna! Yea, Doug keeps telling me all the time how grateful he is to have me. A few days ago he told me I made him feel important and comfortable.

Curious, if it were not for my bad spine I would not mind being a home health aid. I'd like to perhaps work in a nursing home one day though.