Republican-English dictionary
 

Words stolen from the top-secret Republican-English Dictionary;


alternative energy sources n.-New locations to drill for gas and oil.


bankruptcy n.- A means of escaping debt available to corporations but not to poor people.


"burning bush" n.- A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire about non-issues.


Cheney, **** n.-The greater of two evils.


class warfare n.- Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.


climate change n- Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans (Also: global warming).


compassionate conservatism n.-Poignant concern for the very wealthy.


creation science n--Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental.


DeLay, Tom n.-Past tense of De Lie.


extraordinary rendition n.-Outsourcing torture.


faith n-The belief that the Beatitudes (statements made by JC) include "Blessed are the rich" and "Blessed are the war-makers."


free markets n.- Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.


girly-men n.-Men who neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women.


God n.-Senior presidential adviser.


growth n.-1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.

2. What happens to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition 1.


healthy forest n.-No tree left behind.


honesty n.- Lies told in simple declarative sentences (e.g., "Freedom is on the march").


House of Representatives n.- Exclusive club; entry fee: $1 million to $5 million (See: Senate).


insanity n.-See: staying the course.


laziness n.-When The Poor are not working.

leisure time n.-When The Wealthy are not working.


liberal(s) n.-Followers of the Antichrist.


No Child Left Behind riff.-There are always jobs in the military.

ownership society n.-1. A civilization where 1% of the population controls 90% of the wealth.
2. A political system where all power is in the hands of the owners.


Patriot Act n.-1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.

2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us.


Patriotism n.- Blindly supprting the actions of the government without question.


pro-life adj.-Valuing human life up until birth.


Senate n.- Exclusive club; entry fee: $10 million to $30 million. (See: House of Representatives).


simplify v.-To cut the taxes of Republican donors.


staying the course interj.; colloquialism.-Continuing to perform the same actions and expecting different results (See: insanity).


stuff happens interj.; colloquialism.-I don't have to live in Baghdad.


voter fraud n.-A significant minority turnout.


woman n.- 1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child.

2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place.