went to see my work friend/colleague again
 

Hi,

I went to see my work friend/colleague again.
I called and went to visit him at home Thursday evening.

After 7 weeks in the hospital he is down to 120 pounds, not eating, weak, can't walk steadily, has lost muscle mass, . . .
he is not yet getting physical or occupational therapy.
He drinks a little Ensure during the day. Sleeps. Watches tv.

He was very happy to see me. But very slow and out of it -- 7 weeks and some brain damage would do that.

He complained of tremendous anxiety.


I can pray for him.

Mari

that is a great idea of praying for him....don't visit him often...even though it goes against your nature. It would be neat if you could find him an advocate..and let the advocate get his needs met. I hope you are setting boundaries for yourself in this very sad situation.
Bobby

I wonder If he is not eating will they force him to have a feeding tube?:(

Agree with bobby here...please be careful with yourself.
This is a hard time of the year and to add more stress on yourself...could be too much...

Sending hugs. And hoping things start to look up for your colleague.

Hoping that the physical/occupational therapy can get started too.

That would give him something more normal too. Just like the rest
take care of yourself.

Donna

Dear Mari


You have been a good friend to this man.

your signiture is very similar to

'whomever saves one life, saves the world entire' Hebrew.... used in the film 'Schindlers List''

I didnt realise until tonight after i watched the film [umpteenth time] and saw the similarity.


You are a good person Mari

David

Hi,

I'm tired of seeing all of his junk in the office and tired of my charade of pretending that he is coming back. I want to start boxing up his stuff so that
1) I have more room, and
2) I don't have to be reminded of him all the time.
By doing that, I would be letting him go. I think that I am ready to start doing that next week at work.


His niece wants him to get strong enough to fly and then get on a plane to move in with her on the other side of the country. She is married to a psychologist and thinks that she could find him decent care.
This is pretty much the plan for now.

When I was visiting I saw the boyfriend for a few minutes and reminded him to check with a lawyer and call Human Resources. They had not been in touch with HR at work to discuss disability or such.

Also, I gave them the phone number and address of a nearby drop-in center ---- in case he gets strong enough to drive and go out.

I did tell him and the boyfriend that the new med plan looks like a crappy plan to me and that the pdoc is a piece of garbage (still). The best plan the pdoc has is a day program if/when my friend gets stronger. Jerk.

I am very confused about why the pdoc can't medicate out the anxiety. I am also confused about why my friend would not eat --- unless he is trying to starve himself. It is such an illogical thing to do to not eat.

He did mention to me that he has had a hard time since his mother died 2 years ago. But the timing is wrong. He started spiraling down hill way before that. In either case, when he was sharper, maybe he needed to deal with his mother. I don't know.

Not my job. The niece is very close to him and seems to have a plan.
She might be able to help him.

My feelings: I am remembering the not nice things he did. I'm remembering that even when he was at his best, he was a difficult person. I am going through a certain phase with this I guess.



Bobby,
He is very needy and wants me to visit again/more. But I will listen to you and limit the visits. I called him and then visited because I had heard that a top administrator at work wanted to call him. And because I know how that administrator works, I knew that he was trying to fire my friend.
Eventually, the admin will succeed.
But in the meantime, I wanted to tell them to talk to the disability lawyer.


Bizi,
He went to Rehab for about 2 days and they had him on a feeding tube then because they were worried about his swallowing ability.

Rehab sent him involuntarily to a psych ward for 6 days. Then they refused to take him back. The social workers at the pscyh facility eventually agreed to send him home.


Donna,
I have noticed that physical and occupational therapy arrangements often take forever to set up and often seem low priority to dr offices and insurance companies. It's terrible.



David,
That's interesting about the Hebrew quote. Did you really watch Schindlers List? I saw the first 10 minutes a long time ago, but knew that I would have to turn off the tv because, well, I knew I couldn't handle watching it. I know that in many ways the movie is supposedly life affirming.


M.

Mari

I was lucky my neurologist made the arrangements. And told me if I didn't hear the next week to call the place I was referred. I happened to hear
the next day, for the day after. It just happened to go that way.

But I have after that had luck because I am already there. And I have
good relations with my therapists.

I wish I were around, I'd be making some calls and getting him in.

Donna

Hi, Donna,

People need to be good at the follow up calls to get what they want.
You would be a great person to have on a team.

I've decided to start throwing away some of my office mate's junk tomorrow. It is taking up too much space in my emotions. Time to go.

And I feel the need to DO something. DO some cleansing.
After that I can start cleansing my apt at home.

M.