Lives in my Heart and Soul
 

I know my ex-husband was not the best person and especially to me but we did also have good times. I know that today something that my husband use to say time and time again just flew out of my mouth and got me to laughing when my friend I said it to laughed.

Now that Christmas is over and there will soon be the fight to make it financially and the real cold hard fact that I will never be able see or speak to my ex again so does come the depression. My heart aches like big gashing wound or worse but I do find comfort that my ex still lives in my heart and soul.

befuddled2

I know, ((((((Barbara)))))),

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I left my husband in December 1979. He died of naso-pharyngeal cancer in May 1996. It knocked me right onto my *** for a couple of years.

I just always thought that he would *BE* there. I was shocked by how upset I was. I guess it was all the endings -- the real ending of the marriage. The end of our history together. The end of there being someone else that had matching memories.

Even though our husbands were what they were, they also are a very big part of history. And TEACHERS, too. I don't think that I would be who I am today if it weren't for a lot of both positive and negative input from him. I imagine you could probably say the same.

You just have to realize that there's a big part of you that was hurt by losing him ... and allow for that. Allow yourself the time to grieve. I used to just go out to the cemetery and sit and talk (and SWEAR :p ).

There'll come a point when the anger damps down and the memories come stronger and EVERYTHING gets incorporated into your very BEING.

Don't go all negative and self-critical on yourself. You're just having a normal reaction to losing someone that meant a lot to you.

This has been a real hard year for you -- you've given so much and lost so much ... take the next year to be super-nice to yourself and to pay attention to what your SELF wants and NEEDS. This is gonna be a year for growing and healing and becoming stronger.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb :hug:

Dear Befuddled,
I'm checkin in to let you know that I am thinking about you and hoping that you are doing ok.
M.