Gabriel
 

My oldest boy, Gabriel is 6. For the past few years he has been very clingy to me and seems to break down crying at the least amount of stress.

Both my sons, (Andrew is 4) mean the world to me. I can't overstate that enough. I did 7 years for USAF and I now wear dogtags with their names on it.

They are who I fight for now.

I'm seeking help with this on Gabriel. I took him to a pshychiatrist/therapist/shrink last week so we can get help. Yes, we. I want to learn how to help my little man. He has an appointment once a week for the next month. Yes, Daddy will be there every step of the way.

A little background: I was a worthless drunk. I don't sugar coat it by calling myself an 'alcoholic'. But that's just me. You would think being a new Daddy would be enough to sober me up/help me grow up. Unfotunately it wasn't.

My wife left me in 2004 and took the boys with here back up to Pittsburgh. I was arrested for assualt on a female. I didn't hit her or even threaten to hit her. If she wanted to leave, go. But don't take my sons. The boys saw Daddy handcuffed and put into a cruiser.

She then spent the next 3 months up there. I cried each night because of the pain of failing my wife and sons. She came back. It was an uneasy truce at best. Her "mask" was finally slipping off and I could see the real her. But I still couldn't stop drinking.

I wasn't an angry drunk anymore. If that counts for anything. I was probably too passive from fear of losing my boys again. And wasn't able to see she was cheating on me until it was too late. ---In retrospect, I had been using the bottle as my mistress for way too long. So... she leaves again. With our sons.

Three weeks later I have my DUI. 6 Oct 05. I thank God every day that the fella I hit walked away with minor cuts and scrapes. I, on the other hand;

Shattered ankle
Broke tibia and fibia
Tore meniscus. (Still hasn't healed)
Tore PCL.
Broke femur head.
Shattered pelvis. (These two started ossification and have now turned to avascular necrosis. Still waiting for surgery to fix that).
Broke a piece off L-4 vertabrae.
Broke four ribs.
Cocussion.
Placed in a medically induced coma for 6 days.

In all, I spent 10 weeks in 2 difrfrerent hospitals.

Back to Gabriel. I'm thinking it may be abandonment issues. He was taken from me by his mother and I took myself from him as a childish, poor excuse of a father. I work very hard to make it up to both boys. Actually it's not even "work". I let them know they are a priority to me through my actions. I love being a Dad! His mother on the other hand, is too preoccupied with her fiance to spend more than 6 hours or so in an average week with them.

We all live with my parents now. My grandmother is here too. A bitter, tired old woman whose dementia and other health problems continue to worsen. With that, and how hard every winter is on us financialy, plenty of stress to go around.

Gabe was also born 7 weeks premature and had to have a heart/oxygen monitor on him for the first year. He has a mild speech inpedement. He does get speech therapy at school and I do what I can here at the house to help him as well.

His teachers (Kindergarten) say he is very polite and well behaved. :) But has trouble keeping up with the class many times. However, he rarely shows problems with getting his homework done. Yes, Daddy is right there helping.

Thank you so much to listening to all this. I feel another weight lifted. I welcome any and all advice on the issue.

Hi Moose :hug:!

I think you are doing all of the right things already. The therapist should be able to help a lot. It will probably just take time for him to know that you are not going to leave him.

His mom, and I use that term loosely, can't be making the situation any better. Can you talk to her at all about the kids? Does she see them regularly for those 6 hours? Is it the same day every week or is it an hour here and an hour there? Apparently at one time she was a better mother. Once Gabriel has more consistency in his life, I believe things will slowly get better. JMHO

It's all about consistency with kids. I know that from 20 years of experience. I have 2 boys also, ages 20 and 16, Jesse and Jacob.

Good luck, Moose. Things will get better over time. :hug:

Moose....sounds like you are doing everything that needs to be done! You are probably right he probably does have alot of fears stemming from your history and your ex's but kids a resilient, keep him in therapy and keep showing him how much you love him! My 13 year old loves his therapist and has made alot of progress.

look to the future, Moose...

you and your little men will get through this, with grace, a positive attitude, and a little help from your friends.

despite MUCH trial and tribulation, therapists, court hearings, and trauma, illnesses, and other assorted handicaps, me and my kids made it through.

one kid is headed to graduate school, one's travelling the world, and one's in college.

it didn't SEEM like we'd come through at times, but we managed to handle everything life tossed at us.

deep breathing, meditation, shared quality time, many hugs, story-reading, and bonding stuff are what did the trick.

:hug:

moose...i am raising my 6 yr old grandson. i really understand what you what you posted.

because of custody issues i can't post too much about it. but i would love to discuss this further in pm or in chat with you.

:hug: mega hugs.