losing my Father, losing my Dog, losing my Mind
 

well they say bad things come in 3s... but i never thought they all came at once.. my fathers Alzheimer's seems to have got worse over the past week.. on top of being a person i now no longer really know.. they think he had a stroke or mini stroke of some sort.. (no way to tell for sure because he can not have a MRI due to metal in his body) no his hands/arms shake pretty uncontrollably.. not violent just very shaky....


oh it gets freaking better... i find out today my dog has cancer.. and there really isn't anything they can do.. just prolong inevitable.. and i am left with the decision to spend a ton of $$ i don't have to try treatment that "may" put her into remission and give her another year and hope she doesn't suffer.. or just put her down.. 5yrs old... poor little girl really didn't have much of a life.. call me a bad person if you want but i feel worse about my dog then my father at this point because he can tell us how he feels and we can tell him what has to be done... if he understands it or not is anyones guess but i think he does for the most part.... poor dog has no idea that how long she lives is up to me... and it is driving me nuts..


so i am pretty stressed, anxious, and bummed... have way to many thoughts racing through my head all at once and its driving me nuts... not a good combo when stress/anxiety seems to bring out my MS Sx..( and my angry side) so i am sitting here feeling like crap.. looking at my bottle of xanax thinking "well i am allowed to take 6mg a day..and if this keeps up i may actually need that much.." ( i am only taking 3-4mg a day so don't worry i am not planning on ODing or taking more then i was told) i think i may just need a little extra help to get through this one... but ill probably say screw it and just power through it as best i can without extra meds as usual, since i hate meds anyway..

i am not a man who cries.. but ill tell ya what this BS has got me on that thin line at this point... yeah i am a wuss.. but i don't care..

i think i just needed to vent a bit.. makes me feel a little bit better even if it really does nothing for the final outcome..

Dear PunkDizzle,

I feel for you! I don't have a parent with Alz. but my DH has. We had the same decision to make about our German Shepherd at 4 and a half years old, and for the same reason, and although we don't regret the decision we made, it was certainly tough at the time.

I read the bit about the xanax and although I'm sure you're sensible enough not to abuse them, but please think seriously about taking more than the recommended dose. Enuff said!

I hope things start to look up for you soon.

Sending you megs hugs through cyber space.........:grouphug:

Sheesh, Punk, bad day at black rock..Huh...Wow.:( I'm so sorry this is all happening at once. Your Fathers turn for the worse and poor doggy.

I'm sending prayers up for you for the strength to get through this awful time and to make the right decisions for you.

:hug:

Wow! :hug: I really really feel for you right now! Consider yourself in my prayers! :hug:

Punk,

I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad and your dog. I understand what you are going through more than you know and you're definitely not a wuss. :hug:

Please try to take care of yourself during this very difficult time and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Oh Punk, I'm so sorry about all of this. My mom is going through a sudden health crisis right now too. Did they do a biopsy on your dog? I was told by the vet that my cat had cancer more than a year ago. They said they were 99 percent sure he had cancer without doing a biopsy. I didn't want to put him through the pain and anxiety of surgery so I decided to wait a little while. He still has the lump but otherwise he's fine. He still plays, eats, ad has not lost any weight and doesn't appear to have any pain. He's 14 years old btw. Lean on your family right now. You are not a sissy in any way! You would be cold person if you didn't feel the way you do right now. How's your mom doing? My dad is having harder time dealing with my mom's problems than she is. I'm thinkin' about you! As I'm sure everyone else here is. Many hugs heading your way.:grouphug:

Punk, I'm so sorry - I know how you feel. Both my Mother and sister had Alzheimer's and I watched both of them decline. It's so hard. And don't feel bad for worrying about your dog - she is part of your family, too. Like Joelle said it might not be as bad as they are telling you - did they do any tests to come to the dx they gave you? Take the meds - that's what they are for - to help you through situations like this. Doesn't mean you are weak or anything. Just means you know when enough is enough. You'll be able to deal more rationally with things if you are not so stressed out. So don't feel bad about taking them. You're definitely in my thoughts and prayers. :hug:

I'm so sorry to read this and wanted you to know that you aren't alone. It is not unusual to feel more grief for your dear pet so please don't beat yourself up over that. Hugs, Jules

PD -

You are NOT a wuss! Tears can be a very healing and cathartic thing sometimes.

I lost my dear kitty in May and my dear dog in September. Kitty died in my arms and doggy was 16 and failing fast. I had to make the decision to let her go. I know it's so very difficult.

My mom is facing a health crisis right now (lung cancer and a very, very tough recovery from open heart surgery.) I'm not much of a crier, either. Seems my MS took away some of my emotions a few years back.

But trust me when I say I've had a couple of good old melt downs in the past week or so.

Feel free to vent any time you need to. Please know that you are not alone in your pain and stress. I will be praying for you, your dad and your dear fur-baby.

:hug:

PD-
That sounds like an awful lot to be going through. Unfortunately additional xanax will probably just cover up your feelings, which you'll still have to deal with eventually.

You know what, my dog has cancer right now too. They did surgery. Probably didn't get it all. If they can give her meds to keep your dog comfortable for awhile, then maybe that's the solution, at least until you're ready to say goodbye. Don't beat yourself up for being sadder about your dog. I would be too.

You can get through this, just be kind to yourself. :hug: