DH Mad at me AGAIN
 

My dh and I don't go out much because he works alot of hours and I unfortunately am a homebody.

Saturday night he wanted to go out to dinner at a new place.

We were both really looking forward to it.

Just backing up a little bit, I had been up very early this day and spent 1/2 the day at a MS program.

Anyway we get to the restaraunt sit down and order drinks.

I start feeling panicky. It was really loud with other diners talking and laughing it up. It just sounded so amplifying to me.

By the time the wonderful dinner came, I was sweating like a pig and was no longer hungry.

I kept watching John eat thinking please hurry up, I have to get out of here!

I finally told him that I was sorry but we have to leave.

I did try to explain to him how I felt but he seemed really mad. Didn't talk to me all the way home. When he finally spoke he told me he was really tired of doing things by himself.

I felt awful and appologized. There are days that I say I'm sorry at least 3-5 times.

Tell me.... Why should I be sorry????:confused: I didn't do anything:eek: I can't help the way I feel but yet I have all these guilty feelings.

I do try to explain but I know he doesn't hear me. I really believe that he thinks I pick and choose when to feel bad!

I am at my wits ends on trying to make him understand. How do I handle this? How do I talk to him without having to apologize for things that are completely out of my control!!!

My sensory sxs seem so out of whack lately. I even have a hard time going into a crowded grocery store.

When my dh and sons wrestle I have to leave the room because the loudness of them falling or laughing freaks me out!!

Does anyone else feel this way?? Can it be fixed??:eek:

Awww...Beth, I'm sorry!

Sensory overload is one of my problems which either shuts me down or causes great anxiety.

I hate that so many of our symptoms can be helped only by meds but for me this is one of them. I take Ativan for this but don't care for the "drugged" feeling it gives me but it gets me through some of these occasions.

Take care friend and quit being so hard on yourself! Want me to try one of those self-defense moves we learned on your hubby? I'm thinking the bend the fingers back and walk him away for a little soul searching! Would it work?

I'm so sorry
 

Dealing with chronic illnesses is definitely a family thing. It is just as bad on the spouses/significant other as it is for the ones who are ill. It is especially difficult if you had years where your health was good and then all of a sudden things are drastically different.

1. Try to talk about it when emotions are not running high. Even though he lashed out, he may be thinking it is his fault for picking a restaurant that was hard on you. See if you can come up with a solution that will work for both of you.

2. Take the lead. If you are the homebody but knows it is important to go out. Plan a night for him. This way you are in control of the environment, but he feels like he is king for the night because you did something that is important to him and spent the time to put so much thought into it.

Hang in there.

I'm sorry, it's SO hard when a spouse doesn't understand. Mine doesn't most of the time.
I also deal with sensory overload but I'm lucky that I just go into a mental shut down (I guess that's the best way to describe it).

Maybe try to sit down with your DH when it's a clam time and try to explain what your going thru and see if you two can agree ahead of time what you can do if anxiety gets bad, like using ear plugs if it's the noise that gets you or if it's the over all crowd getting a table where you can't see all the people.

We like to take our kids to the zoo a lot and I go into a mental shut down most of the time but it's OK, DH helps keep the kids close by and clam and I get to push the stroller (it helps me with walking, LOL, none of the kids ride in it much any more so it's starting to look odd :p ). Anyway my point, DH knows what "can" happen with me and we are able to go and have a nice time with the kids and he knows how to help me get thru it with out us fighting.

I don't know if it can be fixed. It almost sounds like an anxiety attack. Regardless, you still need to find a way around it for your DH's sake.

You may feel like crud, but he needs outlets in order to stay that loving, wonderful DH.

I hope you can find a way to get through this so you can enjoy things like this again.

One of the biggest problems seems to be you had just gone to a big event prior to this. When hubby makes plans, I try to save up energy. If a new place opens up, we wait a little while since we know it will be crowded until the novelty has worn off. He has learned I'm not always up to being spontaneous, even though I love to be that way sometimes.

Our most popular nights to go out to dinner are Mondays and Tuesdays. Not as crowded, usually. Sensory overload avoidance in a way.

We have date nights at least once a month. Perhaps this may help? I make sure I don't do too much on those days so I can have fun with him.

:hug: I'm sorry that your DH got upset. Perhaps it's his frustration and worry? We really can't help it when things go wonky. I feel guilty a lot when I know I shouldn't. I do what I can, but even then sometimes things happen.

Perhaps having a heart to heart when you've both calmed down. My DH and I have these on occassion.

Sorry so long. Hang in there. :hug:

beth... i think so many of us feel this way!
i don't know if it can be fixed...

sometimes when i have thoughts that seem to pile up and all revolve around my ms symptoms, i am less apt to try to fix it... because i know it is ms... and soon i will feel better...

i get ticked when ms interfers w/my life... so i try not to give it more than it takes... if i'm feeling overwhelmed, down, confused, lost, whatever.... i know that this is MS... NOT me... when i snip or snap at hubby, i apologize right away and say "oh, that sounded terrible, i'm sorry... or, i know its a bummer, but i have to leave, this place is making me sick..."

you are right.. you don't have to apologize.. but feeling sorry i think is a normal healthy reaction... because you ARE sorry, despite it not being your fault...

sort of like when we say to each other here "i'm sorry you are going thru this"

ms turns those normal healthy sorry feelings and makes them mountains that we can't climb... we can climb them and we can conquer them... it just takes time and patience...

you went out w/dh! that's awesome! really it is! don't let it stop you from trying again! ...maybe a different time of day... when you haven't been out at an ms event and up early....

big big big hugs for you, bethee!!!

i'm glad you came here to share all the yukkies with us! :hug:

Aw Beth,

I'm sorry to hear about your dining experience. Sometimes I deal with sensory overload issues myself and I understand exactly what you're saying. It gets so bad for me that I have trouble swallowing on top of it all.

Don't give up, you've gotten some great suggestions. What DH and I do on the rare occasion we go to a sit-down restaurant is hit in between the high traffic times. He can't stand the crowds which is great for me. :D We try to go somewhere between the lunch and dinner crowds and it's not uncommon for us to be the only ones there! It really is nice to have the whole restaurant to yourself.

My DH and I used to go out a lot. Usually on the weekend, to a favorite bar/restaurant or the American Legion or the VFW. I started having panic attacks, right in the middle of things and had to GET OUT NOW!!!:eek:

I did have a talk with my dear understanding Hubby and it was written that all I had to say was "Lets go" and we would leave.

I went to my Neuro/Psych and he said PAXIL and I said Yes. It saved my life and DH was, then, also happy.:D He's gone to Heaven now and Paxil quit working for me, after 6 years. I'm on Prozac now...not as good as Paxil but gets the job done.;)

Your DH is scared. A Calm talk and a plan for the two of you is in order, as the others have said.

Good luck, Dear One..:hug:

Aw, Beth
You had such a busy day before dinner, no wonder it was overwhelming. I'm sorry hubby didn't realize this and postpone or choose a quieter environment. But alas, men see the world quite differently anyway, without MS in the picture.

It's hard for us women to stop apologizing for things that are out of our control. At least you are aware you're saying and hopefully that you will be able, in time, to stop apologizing for who you are.

An anti-anxiety med may help overall. Glad you came to us. I hope you're feeling better today.

:hug: