Do I scream, or do I cry??
 

As many of ya know from my other thread in here, son's undergoing chemo for testicular cancer. We had him into ER last evening due to a severe reaction to one of the chemicals they use in chemo. This one is only given on Tuesdays...been told it's the harshest of the 3 he's receiving. All last nite after he got home, he was saying how he needs to just stay in the rest of the week & stay away from others since his immune system's rock bottom right now.
I just called his house, his cell phone, and his girlfriends cell...no answer anywhere. I have this strong feeling that he's gone to lunch with her and her parents to celebrate her mom's birthday. Why the sudden change from last nite? Why do I feel like the 5 hrs that we spent in ER were for nothing? How do I get them to stay home, clean up their own house, and battle this cancer head on?? I just want to sit and bawl right now.


Marilyn

:hug: no ....:grouphug:
we are all holding you and family in our prayers. it is hard or next to impossible to be the mom and have to be on the "side lines" when you know ways to make things safer or more appropriate ! maybe they justed wanted to do something "normal" and not feel the burrdens of the battle you and they are facing. even though the right thing may have been to just stay home and do just as you stated here? take care of bussiness before pleasure or how every ya want to put it.
and go ahead a cry there is nothing wrong or shame full in that. You could remind them that he was your son first and is your son and that fact will never change. the choices he makes right now affect everyone not just him and his g.f. maybe they could of ordered food in and celebrated that way.
I dont know what to say :(to make you feel better. I just want ya to know we all care and are still praying for all of you. keep your out look up AND THINK ONLY GOOD THINGS. maybe they are just hanging low and turned off the phones for the day. keep us posted and we will keep praying!
Peace
BMW

Well, Corky, it doesn't seem like you should scream or cry to me. I think it's great that he's alive and feels well enough to get out. Of course, I do understand why you are so frustrated with his choice, but he made the choice all by himself. I frequently find myself cooped up from my health issues and when I have a good day, I tear into it like it might be my last.

Maybe he's just rebounding from the major scare he has just survived. Let him have a little space to stretch for now, he's probably still in a coping mode. :)

Hi CB! Well, I have found myself in a similar situation w/my own DS. He has had a kidney transplant and is immunosuppressant, which means.... He catches everything. I try to be the overprotective Mom, always have been.... BUT.... my DH takes me aside and gently tells me to take a step back and let him live.
I've been doing this for 29 yrs, as he was very ill at birth. Plus, he is almost blind.. So....

I can relate to how scared you are. Our children are our lives...My DS runs his own business and is around germs, bugs all the time. I stress about it so much.

Just last Sat, we were in the ER clinic, as a drippy nose turned into bronchitis overnight. He is really sick right now, but is at work!!!

Yup, being a parent is the hardest job I've ever had, but the most rewarding. I understand your fear for your son. I live it every day, but I also "try" to understand that he needs to do his thing.

I will keep your son and you in my prayers and DO keep us posted on how he's doing. Chemo is tough stuff... Sending hugs to you...:hug:

Corky, his reaction is not all that atypical for someone facing such serious issues.

Coping requirements are different for each person - some need time and space and some sense of release, from everything - even friends and family or their closest support, in order to get back into the grind of every day chores.

For others, their every day routines are their solace and connection to a sense of order and purpose. Ironing clothes, taking care of the plants, doing such things are reassuring for these types.

And some, like me, find salvation in a sunset, and rest and work better once its beauty has been digested. Until then, we're restless and no amount of order will suffice.

It's good that you are aware of your son. It shows your love. But his airing of his concerns in this manner may be known, only unto himself and may only make sense to him.

You are both in my prayers.

((Corky))

It sucks when they get older and we can't have total authority and control over them. He's obviously aware he's taking a risk by going out, but maybe that's what he needed to do. It's what keeps that spark alive in him, and isn't that what you love about your son? Maybe he needed a reminder of why he's fighting this. Then again, maybe he just had the ringer turned off on his phone. :p

However, as his mother, you have every right to yell, scream and bawl your eyes out if you so choose. I'm glad you chose us as your sounding board. :hug:

:hug:

just like my brother when he was dx'ed with cancer. couldn't keep him away from his pool tournaments.

he just wants to be "normal" and do "normal" things like other guys his age.

screaming and crying in the shower works rather well. :hug:

:hug: ((((((((((((Marilyn))))))))))):hug:


soundproof kleenex coated hugs there :grouphug:

God Bless you ALL!!
 

Chemar, I want you to get a quick pattent on those soundproof Kleenex so we can use them during church services!! LOL
Keith is feeling very good today, no fever and feeling like he actually has "a bit of my strength back". Whenever we were in the chemo center last week, I'd look around and see so many patients who were either with wheelchairs, walkers, etc. Many had already lost hair....I would sit there with Keith and think "My dear LORD, we are indeed so fortunate in this battle right now..he's still walking and talking and still has hair on his head". You are all so so right, he did go out with the g.f. and her parents mid-afternoon. They went to Cheesecake Factory, was very few customers there that time of day. He ate a light meal, enjoyed laughter and a birthday celebration for the girlfriend's mom.
He's happy, he's feeling fine...I apologized to him for my feelings, but he understands that it's "part of just being a mom".
Keith also said..."Mom, I've gotta get out and do things and walk when I feel like it, the exercise actually makes me feel better instead of worse. If I were to sit in the house for this whole 6 wks, I'd be nutso by the time I return to work on April 15th!!"
And my gosh you're all so right...being a Mom IS one of the most difficult jobs!! LOL

Love and big hugs to all of ya,
:grouphug:

Marilyn