Does anyone else feel this way?
 

Hi,
This is a strange question, but I hope someone can shed some insight for me. More and more lately, I have been feeling that there are 2 me's. The depressed, mentally ill me, and then this "shell" of me of sorts that I have to display to my family. Does anyone feel this way? None of them really understand mental illness, and I understand that more now that I told my mom that my old roommate is in the state mental hospital outside of Ann Arbor. She asked me "WHY?" with a sarcastic tone. Granted, some of my extended family understand, but it seems my immediate family does not....mom, sister, and dad. I know I am more than mental illness, but I would at least like them to acknowledge that I have been affected by it. I mean, my mom refuses to learn what depression and borderline personality disorder does to me. It is definetly a big part of my life, and most of my friends have some form of severe mental illness. I feel that I can just identify better with people who have "been there," if you will. My sister, in an email, told me that she'd like to see me "get my life together." Just because she is not mentally ill she thinks all I need to do is "get off my medicine and you'll be fine." Meds are what is keeping me stable....but no one sees that. My mom feels that if I am going through a bout of depression as I am now, I can just basically do what I need to do to get through school (that is the most important thing to her and my sister) It is important, but when I don't feel good, it is the last thing I want to do. When I was really bad last week, she called me lazy and said I just needed to "get moving and get done what I have to do." No sensitivity to the fact I am depressed whatsoever. As a result of all of this, I feel that there is another shell of myself I have to portray to my family because I might be considered weak if I display who I really am, which includes mental illness. I plan to bring this up with Laura and my therapist, but I wanted your input too. I am really struggling with this....Thanks for listening and offering advice if you've been there or are there now.

hi kelly

i don't have a mental illness, but i think everyone everyone has different personnas.

we have business ones...the let your hair down frienships ones...the hiding anything wrong one...

we have to be different to different people at times. it would be nice if everyone understood and excepted all and everything huh?

i have chronic pain. levels so high that i'm sure some would wonnder how i make it each day. my hubby...i gave up him ever understanding. so with him and my family...i never show any pain. i don't slow down. keep on keeping on.

i bet laura is going to really understand how you feel about this. i'm sure she will have advise on how to either cope with it to how to handle the reactions of people seeing the real you. you can't change other people.

but you do have friends here who will listen...and do understand. we like you and care. be who you are here. pretty cool huh?

Yeah, I know that feeling well. At every family get-together. Every holiday or birthday. I don't even try to communicate this part of my life to family anymore. I don't really blame them so much now, because I've come to realize that it's just beyond their capacity, without experience and all, to understand. Heck, I don't know that I'd understand myself if I hadn't been here through it all.

Good luck with your visit...

Well, I made it through my visit with my family........tomorrow I am visiting with a friend (who also has a mental illness) and so I am not worried about that one, but today was a good day, just tired of being around noise and a lot of people.....just got home, and I have just had enough, because my mom is constantly up me to do things "her way." She was upset because I didn't take a shower this morning....because I was "going with her and she wanted me to look nice." Whatever. I take a shower every other day and it so happens today was not my day. Well, I didn't look bad, just not up to her standards. Then, she was getting annoyed with my cousin (she can be a handful) and yelled at me when I told her she is just a kid. But aside from my mom getting on my nerves a bit, we still had a good time.

I'm glad your family visit went so well, Kelly.

And I hope your visit with the friend goes even better.