Dilemma
 

In April last year my job was restructured, and there were lots of changes.
Oneof these changes was a new work colleague. Sadly this colleague, came with a past history, but i truly tried to give her a chance and ignored all the rumours.
This person from the off touched a raw nerve in me. I was diagnosed with BP TYPE II in 06...and part of my condition is i have little time for trivia. I skip past all that and want to get right to the point. [not with clients, with colleagues]
This colleague is very animated, talksat 100 miles an hour, never gives eye contact...deviates arround a tale like a bumble bee.........and one could say ecentric is an under stattement.
When im OK i coped alright with her arround, and i listened to her ramble for hours. I was aware she was not completeing her tasks in work, and would politely prompt her to address any issus preventing her do her job[ ask for help, except help, tell her line manager]
She wouldnt do any of the above. She told me she had M.E. and thats why she was fogetful. In the last year she has been late for nearly every shift, half an hour-to two hours. When she breezed in she would never say anything, but act as though nothing had happened. I never told anyone directly, but hinted if you want to know her timekeeping paterns come in and wait for her to arrive.[see for yourself]
She has been on 5 discaplinaries this year for 63 days sick, unreported absence, falsifing time sheets, taking unothorised holiday. persistant lateness[what they know of]
I tried over time to tell her she should address her health, i politely showed her leaflets that descibed her mood and personality traits, i was genuinly concerned for her well being.
After Christmas, she spoke to me at work, and told me an ex-boyfriend was stalking her, i advised her to contact the police and give the cell phone number to them, to get him to stop. She said she was concerned her new boyfriend would hear about it as he had a violent temper and been in and out of prison for many years. This to concerned me, she said he had been agresive wth her aswell, i warned her to terminate this relationship foretelling he would eventualy hit her.
She then landed more on me in confidence....that he was a Heroin adict...i asked her if she was protecting herself, sadly she was unsure what i was sking. SAFE SEX i said. She told me she was alergic to condoms, .....

I asked her she was alergic too life. She had not even thought about HIV/HEPATITIS......I was very shocked......i left work worrying about her and her perception on reality. I got so drunk...i once again ended up in A+E WANTING TO KILL MYSELF...

Time passed by until last week. Several huge oversights by this person puts our projects tender in jepordy.as those in the local council are investigating complaints about our procedures. Things that were her job that had not been done.

At a team meeting another collegue questioned her proffessionlism, and capabillites..........she went off like a pyschotic mad woman....blaming others...for everthing............i was anoyed and pointed out paperwork i found[whilst trying to clear up the paperwork mess] 9 months old hidden in draws..
she stormed out and went home.

I was told to give a statement about her work conduct and any conerns i had re-her.

I was distraught because i knew i had to say what i knew about her outside life, as i believd it to be dangerous/unhealthy/and causing problems [she called in sick three weeks before, and a night worker said she was screaming like she was being hit]

After hours i did give a statement in.
The day after she tuned up for work two managers were waiting for her [my information was not divuldged to her/as they are doing what they should have done a year ago offering close supervision at another office, to ascertain if she can grasp the job, and assess her mental capacity]

When she left the office not in view of management she threw a folder at me, and said..'here you need this'..............i read it when they left.

LOVE AND SPIRITUALITY IN THE MODERN WORKPLACE.
underlined were that people should have/show more compassion in the work setting.

I was beside myself............i have shown more understanding to her than many others have ever done...............i feel very upset....with her...the management..............most of all myself.....

I now sit here thinking when something bad is going to happen to me....I HAVE a staunch belief in you reap what you sow.

It was not my job to evaluate her working abillity, not my role to report her every mistake or inadequacy..It was managements role....i feel now because i forwarded her words said in confiednce about her personal life...theywill use this to dismiss her.........or worse still confont her...and god knows what will happen then....she mentioned suicide often at work.....and i persistantly encouraged her to see a doctor...she did and got anti-depressants........but she lives in a fantasy world...and management should have seen this.....
i truly want her to recieve help...and no i dont think she is fit to work...and in the environment we work...she should not be there...but its not my job to point this out..or the job of my two other collegues who have both had time off sick because ofher behaviour....


I feel crap because.i have broken ranks and reported her........IM LOYAL, SUPPORTIVE.....But i could not take it any longer..........

David

My goodness David she isn't your responsibility and you shouldn't have to mop up after her. Where is her boss? Who is in charge that she can get away with 63 sick days, 5 diciplinaries etc? I think she should be fired, she could hardly be called an asset.

You are sweet and caring...I'm sorry this is having such a negative impact on you but you aren't the bad guy here...she did it to herself. And I also buy into you reap what you sow...you offered her good advice and you cared enough to worry about her.

Stop beating yourself up...we think you are teriffic. :grouphug:

David,

I think you said it all, when you mentioned many times you were genuinely concerned for her. I think you went way above and beyond for her David.
You not only cared enough to listen, you also offered her compassionate and well thought out advice. It is hardly your fault she did not listen.

It shows how much you did try to help and care, that you took her life and the risks she was taking to heart and let it effect you so badly. That is the act of a kind person. You did show her compassion, more than the enough.
In your heart you know this.

Right now you are feeling badly because you had to tell the truth about her and her work practices. The thing is, you shouldn't feel badly about that. You have tried and tried to help her. You were asked to give a statement, if you had not mentioned everything you would have been remiss. Who knows, maybe in shedding some light on the matter you may play a role in getting her the help she so obviously needs.

As your singnature says.....Take care of you, I will also add...be kind to you :hug: Nikki

Hi David,

I must echo the sentiments of the two posts before mine. Unfortunately, in order for a person to heal, they must want help. If they don't want help, they won't get help. You did a fantastic job supporting her and trying to get her what she needed, but it doesn't seem to me (as an outsider) that she really wanted it. Sometimes people are too comfortable in the life that they lead, no matter how awful it is.

I hope that you are able to come to terms with whatever the outcome may be here. You did nothing wrong. There should have been someone in an authoritative role that reached out to her. It is not your fault that those in charge were not able to help her.

Put your mind at ease, David. You were the person she felt comfortable lashing out at. Take comfort in the fact that you tried and you put your hand out there for her. Whatever she chose to do with it was her choice, not yours.

Best wishes to you

Hi Muttontastic and let me welcome you to Neuro Talk. This is a great place to find comfort and support...I can tell that you will fit right in. :hug:

David I hope you will have a better day at work today...can't remember the time difference..8 hrs? Anyway, you are in my thoughts and I'm sending you positive energy for a peaceful resolution. :grouphug:

David, dear David -- :hug: :hug: :hug:
You've had such GOOD things said to you because we all care about you so much and we need you.

Take care of YOU

((David)) that co-worker is one sick puppy and you are not responsible for her. She would have driven me nuts. She shouldn't even be in the work place. Not only does she need the guidance of care professionals but she also needs a good talking to as far as I'm concerned.

Unfortunately in the work place, we can't always be who we want to be. In fact, we often can't be who we want to be. For someone like her, it's definitely not the place to be. The woman has issues.

And we can't save everyone. In fact, I think we need to distance ourselves from toxic situations when we can't handle them.

Whoever her supervisor was...they are the responsible parties.

We have someone very similar to her where I work. I told her she needed counseling and then distanced myself from the situation. Don't want it, can't deal with it. Hard nose? Maybe, but I have enough to deal with when it comes to my own emotional stability.

I can imagine how tense things have been for you at work. Just try as hard as you can to stop yourself from thinking about her and the situation. Whenever you catch yourself thinking of it, throw up a big red flag and stop. Think about something else each time that nasty mess creeps into your head.

You are not responsible. Take care of YOUR self David.

See...I'm mad just thinking about what she put you through. The woman needs to seek help...and not lay it on you. Compassion and spirituality in the workplace has limits, and she was definitely the limit.

David, I echo the sentiments above.

The bottom line is when you're at work, your devotion should be toward your work and the welfare of the organization. Employees need to leave their personal problems at home. It's easier said than done, but there are limits. People become friends and talk with each other about personal issues, but it should NOT have any impact on your work.

I used to work for a man who held weekly 8 a.m. staff meetings. At 8 a.m., he locked the door and took note of who was not in attendance. I knew two women who used to cheat on their time cards - they were promptly fired. That's just how work life is. It HAS to be run in such a way in order for it to function. It's not personal.

If she's blaming this on you, I think she should take a closer look in the mirror and seek the help you suggested. If she continues to blame others, her life will only get worse.

This is NOT your problem, and you did nothing wrong. :hug:

David I dont know what I can say that others already havent said.Just say in my own way...
can say that I quit my job at hotel because I didnt want to be the person who called in late or called to not come in at all. I quit because my face pain couldnt allow me to go threw day in a comfortable approprate professional like manner. I also think you should not feel bad or quilty at all for speaking about her. It seems you have reached to help her and you have helped her hang on to her job covering for her and picking up her slack, putting up with her . But then the line must be drawn at some point or you become and enabler. And one must at sometime stand on her two feet and take responsibility for herself and not expect other to handle her responsibilities. Do not feel guilty she knows better then that... it seems to be a way for her to controll and try to lay guilty but it dose not lie with you it lies with her. She isnt in touch with ethics and fair treatment of her co workers . The guilt is her not yours David.
I hope your work (and your train of thought on yourself) get fastly improved all for the better! :hug: :hug: :hug:
Many blessing on you
PEACE
BMW

Thank you, Alffe. I appreciate your welcome.

David, I also hope your day is better today. Remember - one day at a time.