And Yet Again
 

...I'm still awake. I should have just taken the lorazepam but I'm still afraid to take it. My mind won't shut down, once again and it's gotten old a long time ago. Does it EVER stop? And the scariest thing is that I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow: if I'll be too exhausted or if I'll feel rested even though I'm not, or any combination of that. How long can someone really go on little to no sleep?

Fear, especially of the unknown. Lived this too. Would love to talk with you more about this monster anxiety.

The psychiatrist's office just called me and canceled my appointment for tomorrow due to the doctor's family emergency. This means that I have to wait until at LEAST Friday, if not next Monday for my first visit :(

I just don't feel like I can do this another entire week. I'm exhausted and I need to talk to someone and right now I feel angry, upset, and incredibly anxious all at the same time. I can't even think and I really have to clean and organize but I can't figure out what to do first.

Menna, I am sorry. Do you know why you are angry and upset. I would suggest therapy in addition to psychiatry.

Well, I took 0.25 mg of Lorazepam when I arrived home, to calm down and an hour ago I took a full 0.5 mg of it...neither time did i even feel the slightest drowsy but I am feeling calmer. I guess that tells me I need it.