What would you do?
 

:confused:Some of you may remember about 1 yr ago my friend was diagnosed with lung cancer.
She had radiation and chemo.I shaved my head when her hair fell out so she wouldn't feel alone. We are that close.

She is doing well. The problem is her boyfriend. He is my best friend I intoduced them. He called me the other day we talked for a while like we always do. Out of nowhere he says "Dottie you know when I lose Patty I going to kill myself"

His Mom committed suicide when he was 17, she had alot of problems that were never addressed. Some of the things he has told me leads me to believe she was bipolar.

The thing is before he even told me this I knew it. When she first got sick, I thought if something happens to Patty he will take his life.
He has talked about it several times throughout the 20+ years I have known him. I just don't know what
I can do to help.

I know I can't stop him, Patty has made me promise I will watch out for him if something happens to her.....she knows too. How can I lose my 2 best friends in
this world and do nothing?

I can't help Patty other than be supportive. What can I do for John?

Thanks for letting me vent
Dottie

Dottie if he were my friend I'd ask him how he intends to do it. Gun? Hang himself? Pills? I'd tell him how awful it will be for you to lose the both of them and if he really had love in his heart for you...he wouldn't leave you that way after losing Patty.

What can you do to help....just talk to him and tell him how you feel. He shouldn't have told you of his plans..ultimately it's his decision and I'm so sorry he planted this fear and caused more pain for you. :hug:

Dottie,
If it were me, knowing what I do now.........I would do as alffe said talk and talk with him about it. But more so, I would do just what you are doing....I would reach out to people who can help. I would love to try to help you, but the truth is, I have not had significant training in suicide prevention.
That being said, I would call the free hotlines and ask for advice. I have also found some fantastic sites with great information on how to talk with a friend.
A google search will bring up hundreds of sites.

If it were me, I would share my story. The deep, never ending pain that I was left with when my Dad took his life. If this hasn't happened to you, send him to read stories from the survivors. Let him know he is loved and needed, that you will be there. That you can hang onto eachother and ride the tide together. Best wishes :hug: Nikki

Alffe he told me how he will do it. He also told me I will know before it happens............when and where.

I told him its not fair to punish me for his loss and he needs to MAN UP and deal with it. We are both going to be devastated we both need to be there for each other.

He said he can't.....................I said you need to try!! You owe me that much, as my friend I will need you and you will need me, lets try to get through this together.

His answer was " I don't know" I'll take that. To me at least I think he is thinking of another alternative???(could be wishful thinking on my part)

I just think I need to keep him talking about IT.

Dottie

(((Dottie))) I'm just so very sorry he has put you in this position, but I am glad he is talking about it. (Just not putting you on the spot!)

You are such a good friend. Just remember, he will do whatever he will do and please try not to worry. Dealing with your dear sick friend has to be so overwhelming. You take very good care of yourself sweet lady.

Much love :hug:

[QUOTE=jaded2nite;281463]Alffe he told me how he will do it. He also told me I will know before it happens............when and where.

I told him its not fair to punish me for his loss and he needs to MAN UP and deal with it. We are both going to be devastated we both need to be there for each other.

He said he can't.....................I said you need to try!! You owe me that much, as my friend I will need you and you will need me, lets try to get through this together.

His answer was " I don't know" I'll take that. To me at least I think he is thinking of another alternative???(could be wishful thinking on my part)

I just think I need to keep him talking about IT.


That's really all you can do Dottie but I have to honestly say that a friend just wouldn't put you in this position. My sister is in a similar position with a friend of hers. ~sigh

Now...more grandbaby pictures please! :D