Darkest Week
 

This whole past week has been my darkest week of my entire life I believe. As you know, I got screwed with the settlement and protective order. I feel anger, saddness, and hopelessnes that my life is still screwed up. I'm basically isolalated and this is what is what seems to be the worst for me. I've called Anon and hope to go to a meeting of theires. I've lost interest in everything. I don't care about a thing, nothing. All I want to do is sleep but I can't. I have increased my meds at night just to be able to get to sleep. I stay doped up during the day just to control my anger. My husband and his lawyer both lied their butts off and made me look like the bad person. And to be honest, it appears my lawyer sucked. I guess money talks though. My husband has all kinds of money at his disposal and I do not. My husband keeps ignoring the protective order and all he got was a slap on the wrist and that's it. His **** should have went to jail. I bet if I I did something to hurt him I'd go to jail and stay there. The f**king system sucks.

befuddled2

DEar Befuddled,
I can't understand the system either....It jsut seems so unfair.
I can't rmember if you can appeal this decision or not....
I jsut wanted to let you know that we are here for you and feel free to write as much as you wnat to ...vent away...keep posting,,, keep talking,,,
do you journal at all?
This can help get some of those angry feelings on paper.
I hope you are able to go to a support group there close to you...I think that we should get all of the support that we can get...where we can get it...
hugs to you my dear....
I am so sorrry that this has been so hard on you...
Things will get better for you....this is really hard to figure out and let us help ...how ever we can ...I know that I will try....
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Dar Befuddled,
It is ok to be angry and upset. These are normal reactions.
But please find ways to busy yourself this week. Get out of the house everyday. Go for some walks.
Find some people, some projects, ......
Call some volunteer organizations and see if anyone can let you start today or tomorrow.
Mari

I lost faith in our system when I was going through the legal battle for my neices. It is what it is. You have every right to be upset, but try not to let yourself be consumed by it.

To hell with what your ex and his lawyer are doing. Take care of you, worry about you, and find ways to keep yourself occupied. Mari gave some great suggestions. One more I could think of that might make you smile is calling a local gradeschool and offer to come in and do a weekly art project (or even just once or twice) with a couple classrooms. The kids love you and the chance to do some art, and the teacher will use that time to correct papers and get caught up! Just a thought.

Im sorry things are hard right now.

you guys are right!
We have to take our focus off the negative thoughts and redirect our behaviors.

Great point.
bizi

Hi All,

I took a LaNester sp? and slept for awhile. It has me pretty calm even now. I'm trying to find out who would be responsible for my buiral when my time comes. If my brothers survive me and can be made accountable, I will cash in my Life insurance polies and sell my buriel plot.

I'll talk to my lawyer again in the morning.

befuddled2

Befuddled
 

putting somewhere else
PM
Di

I am a bit concerned about this kind of talk.....
It sounds like you are making plans......
Tell me what did you pdoc say....increase your anti depressant?
Have you called em?
jsut a bit worried here....
((((HUGS))))
be safe my dear
bizi

((((((B)))))),

You're right -- the system does http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MINIS/lollipop-002.gif

If I live to be a hundred, I'll never understand why 'things' that were held jointly during the marriage aren't split up equally during the divorce. Especially, when the EX lies under oath to the judge, and it's obvious to everyone in the universe that the EX is lying.

It's usually the wife that's get screwed. But, there are a lot of guys going through divorce that get screwed too. The whole system needs to be revised so that if the marriage is dissolved, one spouse is not left bankrupt while the other one takes a trip to Las Vegas.

I don't know what your family sitch is. Don't know if you have kids. Unless you're working and have kids to support, there's not really any reason for insurance -- it's just another way to eat up the funds.

It's a hard thing to realize -- I realized it when I was going through my divorce. He was NOT the person I thought he was. He had no respect for me or his child. And no love for either of us either. I call it a real expensive lesson.

You know, ((((((B)))))), I was with my EX and his third wife and my son in the hospice for 8 hours a day during the week before he (the EX) died. He was wearing a wedding ring. I said to him "At least she got you to wear a wedding ring, I never could." When I married to him, he wouldn't wear a wedding ring because he said it would get caught in the scissors at work.

When I went back to the hospice the next day, he had put the ring in the drawer. That was a bigger message than anything that he had said or done in the past 20-some years.

We made bad decisions when we got married. We can spend the rest of lives being angry (because we weren't treated fairly) and feeling like a victim -- or we can just take a deep breath, step over the rubble on the floor and get on with our lives.

Someone one told me that you go through a divorce in the same way that you went through the marriage (I think it must have been a therapist). I figure if I get treated like ships during the divorce than he was probably treating me like ships during marriage, I just didn't realize it.

((((((B)))))), promise yourself that you'll take one step forward every day. Give yourself the gift of being outside the bed and outside the house. You've invested a lot of time and energy into getting this far. Don't doubt what you've done so far.

Take a look at this: http://www.recovery-inc.com/. See if there's meetings in your area. Ask them to mail you the newsletter. After you take a look at the newsletter, you can decide if it's something you'd like to try.

The keyword is *TRY*. I always remember something that my Son said to me when I was working until 9PM on a temporary contract job. Mom, that's a contract job. They don't care about you. They don't care if you stay until 9PM at night. You could just not show up tomorrow and they wouldn't care. You NEVER make permanent decisions. You can always change your mind. If you don't like this job, quit and find another one. My Son, the philosopher :D

I'm just using my philosopher Son to point out the if you decide to start something different and new now, it doesn't have to be a lifetime commitment. Right now, you're in the process of setting a NEW, GOOD life that suites you.

I can understand your not wanting to be around anybody when you're in a bad mood. I'm the same way. Go get coffee takeout. Or look at the Halloween lights. Or just go for a walk near some water or some woods -- that always makes me feel better.

You've doing a good job. What you're going through now is probably one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do. Acknowledge your strength. Allow time for weakness and tears. But, make those feet go forward.

BIG HUGS (and blessings).

Barb http://smilies.sofrayt.com/hal/pumpkin4.gif

Please hang on
 

Dear Befuddled

Hold tight. Make a list of positive things you can think about or do - things that occupy the mind. When you start slipping into the morbid thoughts... try to shift into thinking of one of the things on your list. you will have to do it over and over... it is hard, but it willhelp some. the thing that is hard is moving the mind - it does not stay put and comes back - so you have to move it again.

"don't think about it" isn't sufficient - give yourself some concrete, positive things that you can think about, and switch focus... that tends to work easier.

i am thinking of you, and yes, the system sucks. i am so sorry you are stuck in the middle of the sucky part, but i want you to emerge safe and sound... hang tough.

you have been, you have walked a long hard road so far... recognize in this your own self-love, and courage to grow into a better life.

all the best, and a warm hug

~ waves ~

p.s. see pdoc for med eval / antidepressant tweak is a good idea