so behind that theres no point in trying.
 

I'm writing this through tears and trying to fight away the demons but they wont stop chasing me.

I feel like I'm so behind in life. I know I'm 18 but I feel like all of a sudden the earth has dropped from beneath my feel and I'm trying to hard to find something to stand on.

I look around at everyone else I know my age and they're all so set in there lives. They have apartments, they have fiances, they're going to four year schools, they handle everything themselves, no support from anyone. They're on their own two feet.

why is it that I'm at the same exact point in life as them yet I am so far behind? i feel like I'm running a race and everyone is running ahead of me and I'm falling behind the pack.

I'm trying so hard to be self sufficent I dont want to have to rely on my parents anymore. I want to be able to wake up and know that I can drive my car to the store and buy things I need without having to ask my parents for money.

I feel like I just need one solid push. A big push in the right direction.

Maybe a 5,000 dollars. I could use that money to get an apartment, get settled and find a good job, and then start my life.

Or maybe I just need to be able to pause the world. Have everyone and everything stop until I get caught up and all set and then join right back in with everyone.

Or maybe I just need to dig myself a hole and worry about nothing but trying to find food and water. Who needs to be productive? I'll just build myself a little shed to sit in and worry about nothing but survival.

What point is there in life anyway? Work yourself to the bone your whole life, get married to someone youll probabaly divorce, have a child that grows up to make the same mistakes as you and then die?


why is life so much easier for everyone else? is there something wrong with ME that I cant have what everyone else has? do i have some sort of sign on my head saying "THIS PERSON IS BEHIND, LEAVE HER THERE"

the worst part about all of this is im willing to work hard. I'm willing to work 50 hours a week if nessecary to catch up, its the GETTING the job that i cant do, so there i am again, tripping in the race.


I dont even know what to do, I just want a sign or something to work for me. Its like im screaming till my lungs are bleeding and no one can hear me.

I just cant even begin to describe. and i feel worthless sitting on the computer and not doing anything but i just dont know what to do.


I need guidance.

((megveg))

I'm sorry I haven't read any of your posts before this one, but I'd like to respond to this post.

You couldn't pay me to be 18 again. It's a MAJOR fork in the road. At least back in my day many of us had the chance to take a little time off to "find ourselves" before making any permanent decisions on which path to follow. It was also easier to get a job without a college education that could support a person. If not, it wasn't hard to get together with friends and rent an apartment together.

I would suggest you start with your passion and talent. We've all got something to contribute to this world. See what career choices are available in that area.

If you want to keep your passion separate from your career, think of an activity you wouldn't mind doing for eight hours or so a day.

Keep your chin up and don't concern yourself with what the pack is doing. Who knows, maybe they are a pack of lemmings. :p

I hope and pray you find the guidance you require and find yourself following a good direction. :hug:

its so hard to see everyone eelse enjoying their lives while im sitting here in a constant battle withmyself. :(

If your friends are 18 and have fiances I think they are nuts. :thud: That's a little young to get married but then...I know quite a few people who got married young and survived many years of marriage. (Mr. & Mrs. Alffe good case in point.) :)

When I was 18 I was pretty wild and avoided work like the plague. You can't get so far, though, when you have parents that struggle financially as well. I really bounced around and goofed off until I was 19, met an idiot, and married him. Then lived almost 5 years of ruthless beatings (physical, verbal, and emotional). Well, that got me off to a great start! NOT!

Don't be in too much of a hurry to grow up. The years pass by in a flash.

And this might be something good to talk with your therapist about it. When you figure out who it is you want to share with.

Before my sister died she told me that she wouldn't have missed living life for anything.

Your upcoming school year should help, shouldn't it? You seemed to be excited about starting. Hey, if it's a junior college that isn't anything to knock! Or even a technical type college. There are quite a few jobs out there that don't require a 4-year degree. I have one in education and now I'm a glorified Administrative Assistant at the age of 59. :o

I would suggest, though, making wise decisions when you choose your path at school. Unless you can afford it, just taking classes for the sake of taking them wastes time, effort and money.

And you can stay with your parents while working at whatever job and save up your money.

Do you have a passion or desire for your future that you would really like to pursue?

Hugs and don't be in a hurry just yet.

Meg - People mature at different rates. Stop comparing yourself to anyone else and just be who you are....

18 may sound all grown up to you - and others your age may appear to have it "all together"...but - trust me - most 18 year olds do NOT really know who they really are, let alone what they want.

Take a deep breath......now just take one step at a time. The old cliche is true...."Inch by inch, life is a cinch...yard by yard it is very very hard".

If you have a steak on your plate, you eat it one bite at a time - you would choke if you put the whole thing in your mouth at once. I think you are trying to eat the whole steak - figuratively - and it is overwhelming you to the point of paralysis.

I remember when my son was little and would cry about a page of math problems. He would spend a half hour crying about all there was to do. He was so overwhelmed by looking at the whole thing. BUT...when I would cover up all but one math problem...he would do it..one problem at a time.

Meg...same thing for you...one step at a time. OK?

Hi Meg, I am so sorry that you are feeling this way tonight. I will hope and pray that tomorrow is a better day for you.

You know sometimes you look at other people and think they have it all but in reality they are not any better off than you. I just had a very difficult week both spirtually and physically and the words that turned it around for me was that everyone faces these battles, you are not alone. I don't know why but hearing that helped because I thought I was all alone in this.

I have a 17 year old who is going through similiar things. She wants to move out, get a good job, go to school. I sat down with her and we talked about what would be in her best interest for the future. She came to realize that she needs to stay home for a while, get started on her degree and find her place in the world.

18 really is a hard time in life. You are stuck between being an adult but wanting to just be a kid and that is OK. You have your whole life ahead of you. You will find where you belong but for now you belong where you are at home and you also belong here at Neurotalk where we will rock you in our cyber arms till this time passes.

I know you like videos so here is one for you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EN3D0...eature=related

Thinking of you...Sue:hug:

:hug: I left ya some more videos in the sanctuary. Enjoy...Sue

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noEfj...eature=related

I love this one...I thought of you, Meg