"suicide is selfish" hmmm...veiled opinion?
 

I'm a survivor of my own attempt 10 years ago. Wow...can't believe it has been 10 years now!

Yesterday my Aunt was talking to my 8 year old son and says to him when he asks why some people commit suicide, "well it is VERY selfish and they are only thinking of themselves." Nice. So guess that when or if he finds out about me when he is an adult he'll know how my family felt, yeah?

She is well aware of my attempt. We have never spoken of it. Why would she say that in such a nasty mean tone? I have done nothing but try to redeem myself since then and have been grateful for a second chance for over 8 years now.

I just basically ignored what she said and explained to him my thoughts and I hope my words meant much more than hers.

Glad to have found this forum...should I mention I am new? Ha!

Hi and welcome,
It sounds like she just gave a short answer, I'm just guessing she didn't want to go into the subject any deeper with an 8 yr old...for whatever reason.. maybe wasn't prepared for a question like that..

I think the term "selfish" was a very poor word choice.

hi CaliTJ

welcome to this forum and glad you can talk to us.

now, please don't be mad with what I am about to say. I am basing it on your post.

I am trying to think it from your Aunt's perspective and thinking that she said that from a point of love.

Survivors of the suiciders usually if not all, feel angry...the reason being that they can't believe that the person committing the suicide can LEAVE them...making that ACT itself on the "selfish" side.

Of course, being a "suicider" (at least in attempt) myself, I can related that at least for me, it was not a selfish act. I was going to "HELP" everyone be out of their miseries for having to deal with me.

what I've said doesn't define it for everybody so it is just my humbled opinion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

with that said, how your Aunt said it to your son could be coming from that she wants your son to NOT attempt suicide because she would be really hurt (shall he ever even think about it, that is)

On the other hand, she could also still be very angry with you thus using your son as a pawn to voice her hurt and anger...

not that you should put up with her anger. But perhaps you guys can find some time to talk about it.

Maybe to let her understand where you are coming from...

but I am with Jo, the choice of words to use is really not the best...especially with an 8 yo...

I dunno, I don't have the answers and I am just glad that you can come here to talk about it...

((((BIG HUGS))))

I will be taking a little time off to deal with some stuff...and I am sure there will be folks here a lot smarter than I am here to help you...

I just wanted to say hi and welcome and that I hope you'll keep talking to us...

hope to see you when I get back...

I missed the part that it was your son , thought it was her son :o.
She should have just let you explain it to him anyway.

I was wondering why he asked - why the question came up?
maybe he heard someone talking already??

Hi Cali and welcome. I don't think you should wait to tell your son about your suicide attempt...he's going to hear it from someone and better it be you who tells him.

Your Aunt is ignorant..(I don't mean that in a mean way) she just isn't imformed so she used the throw away line..."a selfish act".....it's like telling someone that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

There are many ways to approach this subject with kids....ex: my depression almost overcame me but I'm so glad I'm alive.,, my brain wasn't thinking right...I almost made a bad choice...etc.

And it can open up a diaglogue...."you'd tell me if you ever felt this way...right?"

I've been amazed by some of the things my grandkids have told me about their suicide discussions at school with their friends. KIds talk and it's best they have the right information.

Did I say welcome to Neuro Talk? *grin :hug:

Thank you all for your kind words of support and advice. I agree that my Aunt may have mispoke and her intentions not passive agressive. I should cut her some slack as she is going through a lot herself. It just hit me hard, like a slap. I guess she doesn't KNOW what I am thinking and therefore may not realize that she could hurt me with her choice of words. I guess I just would have wanted a more "tender" and not "tough love" approach to the matter.

I am not sure when I will talk with my son. He is a very intellectual child and can have a tendency to be somewhat depressed easily. I do worry at times that his college years might be hard like mine were. I had thought that I would have the discussion when he went off to college in 9 years. He probably won't hear it around as I was out of state going to college and didn't know any of the people I know now. Maybe when puberty is approaching....ugh...dreading the idea!!! Oh and he brought it up when he heard his father discussing a fire call he was on involving a suicide. He wouldn't let it drop, he was very inquisitive about the whole thing...but he is pretty much always like that!

Thank you all again, I am so happy I found this place. I never get to speak of it much and it actually feels good to let a little of it out!

TJ

Any time TJ...we are here for you and this is the place to talk about it. :grouphug:

I just had asked my own mother about the very same type of statement she said (are you a fly on my wall?:winky:). She had told one our realtive's kids that suicide was " a very selfish thing to do".

When I asked her about it she finally said that those left behind after a suicide (or attempt) feel an overwhelming guilt at not being able to "see the signs" or to have done something that would stop the act or suicidal thoughts. Almost like (in her own words) that "...she needed to convince, or keep telling, herself that suicide is selfiish to make herself feel better."

She later admitted that she couldn't understand what could bring someone to this very drastic measure as she had never been there. She said she thought she had reached the lowest of lows before and it scared to know that in fact there could be a lower depth of pain - and admitted it scared her that she may experience it herself. I found her to be completely honest and believe what she said may ring true for a lot of people who repeat that phrase of suicide being selfish.

I personall believe suicide is an ultimate final cry for relief from the hell of deepest pain and misery. I pray no one else ever has to feel that badly, as I once did.

I agree with you Jane...I think that most people who attempt suicide don't want their lives to end...they want relief from the pain, physical or mental, that they are in. Depression really is a beast and as I've said before...the lure of death as an escape from the pain, is a lie.