who is that person??
 

I walked by the mirror the other day...

I saw someone staring back at me. He looked like me, but it wasn't me...

I looked at him more closely...we could be twins. But, it wasn't me...

I started asking him questions, of the what's, the how's, and the why's...

then, he gave me this evil grin that beat Jack Nicholson's smile in "The Shining"

he told me that I was worthless, he told me I belonged down there, he told me to go back to the hole that I crawled in from.

he told me I am useless, he told me I was a piece of dog turd.

I yelled back at him. I told him it is not true, I told him I will no longer believe that.

he just smirked at me...

I lowered my head...I pondered what he said...

I closed my eyes and tears streamed down my face...I hated to admit it, at that moment, I was agreeing with him completely...everything he's said was true...

what's the use? I asked myself...

at a time when the ones I love need me the most, I just feel like I want to go to my little corner and cower...

at a time when I am needed the most, all I wanted to do, is lay in the bed, and stare at the ceiling and see if I can see the flashes as I blink...

existing seems like such work these days...to exist...in my head, it is hard to grasp...

I am like a silk worm...slowly wrapping that silk around me....I can feel the "pressure" of a hug or a friendly voice...but it is not a direct contact...it is "felt" through this invisible bubble or cocoon that I've wrapped myself in...

I feel like I've let everyone down...there are emails I can't answer, PM's I can't answer.

there are phone calls I can't return, voice mails I can't reply to.

there are cordial conversations thrown at me when I am conversing but all I wanted to do is keep my mouth shut...

I can't even find myself nodding a friendly hi when I am out and about. I wanted to wear a mask so nobody would recognize me...

he was right, that man in the mirror, that look alike, that doppelganger...

cause right before I ran into him, I walked by the kitchen and for NO apparent reason, I just broke down and cried...no, I SOBBED...uncontrollably...

I've been sitting on my hands...I've been hiding my car keys...I've been avoiding the bridges...

and I just wanted to sit in the darkness and stare into nothingness...

he was so right...

and then, I had two choices...highway to hell, or long way to life...

it was that simple...it was that easy...

I looked at him, closely, once again...

I told him to go to hell....

I chose the latter...

I refuse to let him talk to me that way...I told him I know his mind tricks...

I told him I know of his games and his plans...I told him I am going to do everything I can and I am going to beat him, again...just like many times before and many times after....

I told him...he may look like me...but he is NOT me...NOT moi...

now, I am the one smiling...

*based on a true story...

(to my dear friends, I couldn't have done this without your great support...thank you for your wonderful supports...and please bear with me for the time being, that evil man shall pass and I shall return, triumphantly...
and to my dear wife, thank you, for being so patient with me)

Pter would be so proud my friend...beating the Beast! fighting for your life. You aren't alone....you are loved. :grouphug:

(((Mr. Moi))) Depression is so awful. Especially difficult for those of us who keep slipping into it, but...brighter days do pop up to relieve our despair now and again. And you have a lot of bright days ahead of you with your lovely Mrs. Moi. :hug:

And so glad to hear that Mrs. Moi's dear father is doing better. :grouphug:

Keep on fighting that "other guy". Poke him in the eye! Say, I have duct tape and rope. We could get him together! Hey, you are getting the tape bunched up in my hair. Don't pull it out!:eek: I said...."Don't pull it out!" OUCH!:mad:

(thinking Moi stuck tape in hair on purpose!)

((Moi)) Though your post made me so sad, I am thankful you shared
it with us. I wish I had something profound to say.... I wish I could
take away your pain :hug: Much to my regret, I can't. But what I can
do is help you fight that SOB who keeps trying to knock you down.
Not only will I walk beside you, but I will help slay your monsters:hug:
As always you are in my thoughts and prayers:hug:

I know that guy. His sister lives here... the trick is keeping her tied up under the stairs. Every so often she escapes and it's Hell getting her tied again...but feels so good to throw her back under the stairs. It takes a long time, but it's worth doing.
((((((((((((((((Moi)))))))))))))))))))))))
you know the rest.
:hug:

Luv ya my buddy who has cheared me up so often! Tell that evil man to go away I carry a big needle! hey btw guess what song plays on our satellite radio at work almost every day and makes me think of you and how you are? Seret Asiannnn man, well agent but I change the words as I see fit! ((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))

Hi; sorry you've had such a rough time lately. Go ahead and send him my way - my fists are out and I'm just ready for a good fight! You are so much tougher than the man in the mirror. Besides, you've picked me up a time or two......smiles and hugs!!!!!

(((Moi)))...I am so proud of you too. :hug: and I love the ((((Moss)))) for all her love and patience!!!! What an awesome and lucky lady :hug: Ya gotta keep fighting the good fight, but remember the battle can be tiring, so please try to do something that is soothing to the spirit too. There is not a day go by that you are not a part of. In other words, dear Moi, I am walking beside you fighting that monster even if you don't see me. Next time you look in that mirror, see if I am there knocking that monster out...WHACK!!!!:D

Hi Who Moi
 

Thats a battle with low self esteem,depression,and dread. It brings you to a place of feeling broken,and alone. I looked at myself in the mirror,and had a simular experience years ago. You are valuable,and priceless. You are of more value then you know. You are like a priceless treasure. Don't ever let that mirror tell you anything different. I remember my experience with the mirror,and the mirror doesn't do that to me anymore. The low self esteem is mostly gone. I still have some problems with other emotions,but I'm still fighting. You keep fighting too. Brokenfriend:hug::hug::grouphug::hug::hug: