Being Suicidal.............
 

Is the best thing that happened to me. :)

Alright so I was posting in the other thread, and thought I would start a new one, because I felt what I was saying deserved its own thread.

I think having been suicidal is the best thing that ever happened to me. Before this, I was kind of just floating through life. I wasn't sad, but I wasn't really happy. I was going through the motions like everyone else. I viewed the world how you were supposed to view the world. How my parents, the news, my boss said to view the world.

I started feeling depressed, hopeless and hit bottom. I felt hopelessness in my life and with the world. I almost was close to killing myself a couple times, quite a few times. I always felt if I was gone, I was gone, there were no maybes. Despite the fact that I don't want to wake up, every morning I do. After a while you stop caring. Not about people, but about how you're supposed to view things that have happened to the world and to you. I stopped listening to all those around me and started listening to myself.

Once you've hit bottom, you have no where to go but up. You can create an entirely new life for yourself, not the ones society wants you to have. You start to appreciate life and find love in everything and everyone around you. This is something that never would have happened had I not have been feeling, and still feeling suicidal. Through hell is the only way to get to heaven I think. I'm not sure why I’m going through this all, but I know that however bad I'm suffering, the love and connections I've been feeling are so worth it, and it is far better now that I’m trying so hard to climb out of this pit.

I don't think it is possible to skip this phase. If we are content we will not change. Just know the other side of this is far more beautiful then what those who have not hit bottom or refuse to hit bottom will ever experience.

I have a long way to go, I’m just beginning my healing, but finally I see a light, a glimmer and with that hope. Today was the first day in about 5 weeks that I didn’t wake up thinking will this be the day I give up. I haven’t cut in over 10 days and right now, at least, I have no urge. And I'm trying to reconcile, trying to believe that I am worth this fight, that it wasn't my fault.

Thank you for carrying me on your wings; you’re all angels to me. :grouphug:

BJ
 

You are worth the fight,and it isn't your fault. I'm so glad that positive things are on the horizon,and that you are feeling better. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Wow!
I am so excited for you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi:hug::hug::hug:

I have a couple of questions and I don't know where to put them or who to ask....what's the difference between "senior member", "junior member", "new member", etc.? And, since I got in here too late for the postcard exchange this time, can we do it again sometime????? As you can tell by now, I have a lot of questions tonight and all of my friends are sleeping.....it usually works that way....my husband went back to work today -yea!!!!!! He had knee surgery a month ago and I took care of him, for a change. I think he was more than ready to go to work - I know he REALLY took re-hab seriously! It was great having the house all to myself, though....just me and the books - and papers to write. How fun! Actually, I do LOVE to write; can you tell????? I used to love to read, also, but the eyes aren't the same as before. Boo-hoo...I'm sure it could be worse. I told one of my friends today that I wanted to go back to work and she laughed at me....of course, she laughs at me a LOT....when I tell her that I want to drive, etc. - anytime I try to "act normal".....when we go out, my friends kind of surround me because they aren't sure when I'm going to fall flat out....then they think that, if I'm surrounded, I can't get hurt too badly. Wrong....it just usually hurts more of us!!!!! They should just keep their distance, I think! OK; so what are the answers to my questions????

BJ......

I'm glad you are beginning to see a bit of light at the end of that dark tunnel.
You inspire me. Thank you for posting this.... :hug:

What an uplifting post to wake up to..it's wonderful to see/hear you happy. And I loved what you said about being surrounded by friends in case you fall out...that's how I feel about this forum Hippie...so glad you are here. :hug:

Oh and senior & junior member have to do with the number of posts you've made...it'll change as you post more. *grin

*grin...I think you are the angel around here. Picking your sweet self up and beginning anew. You are living proof of the resiliency of our souls and we love you BJ. :grouphug:

((BJ)) It's so good to hear you say that.

I am smiling because you can see the "light"

that is wonderful to hear...

just don't forget that sometimes the "light" might be out...but please keep faith that it will turn "ON" again...

:hug:

:Wave-Hello:hiya BJ

:D :D :D :D :D