Relationships: Finding a new companion
 

There are a number of reasons I am starting this thread. As a community we have all been following Steve's visit out to Seattle to visit Laura (Harley), and the relationship that is unfolding in front of us. Up until now, not much has been said about relationships that form both within the PD community after old marriages self-destruct, or are left hanging by a thread due to PD in our lives.
It is probably present in many more places than are ever brought forward to the forum.

Well I'm throwing it out on the table for discussion. For me it has become a personal issue, but I'm willing to forgo privacy for the sake of information sharing and its benefits to all and any who care to read.

Other than AJ and Greg Wasson, I'm not really aware of any other "Parkinson pairing" that has taken place, but that could be just my oversight. For myself, Steve and Laura's open sharing of their experience of getting together is very close to home as I have had a frienship via e-mail with Steve for most of the 5 years I've been on this board, and Laura used to keep a PLWP journal back when I was first on that website, and I care deeply for both of them. I have found a promising companionshp here also. In case you were wondering Max and Rosebud have been entertaining the idea that we could have a viable relationship and have been working out our options since last summer. (and kept it off the site until Steve let the cat out of the bag...thanks Steve LOL) It is not as simple as it was before PD, and
will probably not get any simpler. We ask ourselves....are we crazy?

We can think of 100 reasons not to get involved in each others lives, but when we get together we have a great time and we are the "normal ones" and the rest of the world is different. We sit in a restaurant both dyskinetic but totally oblivious to all the polite people who cast a glance or just plain stare. We trip over our own feet and both laugh....it's a good feeling. We know it would be difficult at best to establish a relationship with a caregiver (Not a sexy term). We live "one day at a time", and "play it by ear". We try to take turns at being off...doesn't always work, but we laugh about that too.

I know there are some interesting insights to be posted in the days ahead.
Please share your experience if it's relevant, and your thoughts and opinions...even your questions. I posted this without telling Max what I was doing...maybe I just shot myself in the foot! Hope not:eek:

Rosebud,

I love your sense of humor. Relationships for me prior to PD (17 years ago) were difficult. I just can't imagine how extraordinarily difficult it would be now with advanced PD and well past the age when women become invisible.

MK....
 

I don't think women become invisible, so much as they banish themselves to "nowhere". It becomes more easily done when you write yourself off as having no worth to a man. (I'm not speaking about you, but generalizing about all women) And the truth is women get along much better on their own than men do. I have been quite content the last 4 years since i cut the ties on my 3rd marriage -a destructive marriage if there ever was one. But Max has brought an element back into my life that I had forgotten about...a connection that is not dependant on a physical relationship to be fulfilling. It has been a bit of a revelation to us discovering that there is life and love after PD, in spite of the sexual malfunctioning of one's body. In fact it makes the whole exerience quite profound. Perhaps because there is no pressure to perform. The person your with has PD also and "gets it". One of the lessons we learned was that we thought we had a problem (challange) until the next guy got the same problem, only he said "supersize me!"

There are plenty of "old goats" out there who would count themselves lucky to have a good woman in their lives....as reverett reminded us in a previous thread. God does not look on the outward package, so neither should we.

Still, the question remains: are we crazy???

Love to all....r

Good luck to you both ...
 

you are fortunate your shared experience of PD will give you an understanding others work years to achieve.

Look forward with optimism, who knows what the future holds.

Neil.

(loved your restaurant story).

Rosebud.

I admire your tenacity. An old horsewoman told me years ago. "It takes a Great Man to replace no man at all." Having horses is actually more of a relationship deterient than PD.

I know of at least 4 other couples who both have PD and had the honor of being in greg and anne's wedding. Incredible experiences along with it. Good luck to you all. I'm still wrangling out my original, "eventful" marriage, now settling once again into old friends and grandparents. Wish me luck.

p

a love quote or 3?
 

"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly."

Rose Franken

live love laugh -the process of good relationships
so far I have only seen - live- love - laugh, - leave?

as for me I have never fallen in love, I stepped in it a couple times though...:D

Great topic for a thread!..Ive found out that there are alot more parkie couples out there than I was aware of..As I had mentioned before, I had about given up on relationships..I had heard of too many marriages splitting up because of a spouse who couldnt deal with their partners pd, and because of pd I am very sensative emotionally, and relationships are..well..emotional..So I had planned on just being alone for the rest of my days, cuz I fugured, who would want a 55 year old man with pd on SSDI?..Untill Laura and I started talking online, and over the phone, I figured nobody would want that..It all started out when Chasmo invited me to a conference on Yahoo messinger with himself, Laura, and myself..And after that Laura would IM me and when she went into the hospital back in June, Charlie gave me her cell phone number and I called and left her a message to try and cheer her up, and she called me back, and that was where it all started..On the way to Seattle on Wednesday, she handed me her cell phone, and low and behold she had saved that message since I had left it in June :)

I dont know how personal I want to get here, but surfice to say that two parkies, one in early stages, and one in advanced stage, can have a fulfilling relationship, without any elements of the relationship missing..It can be as fulfilling, if not moreso than two healthy people..The fact that we both have pd makes for a very strong bond, and its not just because we both have pd, its because we both have the understanding and compassion that tends to humble many of us PWP..Aside from our commonality of pd, we like any other couple had to develop a trust, and a mutual respect for each other..We had both been through bad marriages, and trust was an issue for both of us, to a greater or lesser degree..Laura tended to focus more on trust than I did, because she is in the middle of a divorce from a nasty marriage, and the pain is still fresh..My divorce was in 2003, so I was more apt to trust, because the grieving, and the pain has been behind me for a while now..There have been moments where one or the other of us was waiting for the other shoe to drop, because it was what we were used to, but we have managed thus far to begin to build a foundation built on trust, respect, openess, understanding, and compassion..We have been blunt about our needs, and our turn offs, which has been a good thing..It is better to get it out, so there are no surprises down the road..no holding in, and stuffing negative emotions, that can and will crumble the foundation from within because of a lack of communication..We listen to each other, and we have been able to discuss situations instead of argue, as well as admitt when we've been wrong, without exception..I attribute that to our collective ability to be able to tell it like it is..Then theres chemistry, which we have plenty of in many respects, and exact opposites in others..Laura for example is spontanious, whereas I am predictable..That actaully works out for the good, because if we were both spontanious, we would go out for milk, and probably end up in Helsinki somewhere :D But it makes for an adventure filled day..When on the other hand, I make plans, and it rains, it screws up my schedule..Laura will find something else for us to do in a second..We both are very deep thinkers, so the emotional bonds that we share are intense, and profound..We have learned alot from, and about each other, by the things we do and by the things we say..We both have huge hearts..When we were leaving Seattle the other day, there was a homeless man standing on the freeway entrance with a sign..The car in front of us gave the man some change..Laura gave me a $10 bill to hand to the man, as I rolled down the window

Thats it..Blame Steve :D

Are we crazy?..No!..Pd caused me to rob myself of the willingmess to dream my wildest dream..The inner desire to live my life to the fullest, got me on a plane to Washington to meet Laura..It was a risk I found the courage to take, cuz we could have met and decided that we didnt like each other..But, Thanks be to God, that we hit it off, and discovered potential possibillities in each other that have blossumed..

Yes, life was simpler alone..Actually, it was so simple that it became mundane and boring..I realized that prior coming out here that I settled for less..I had settled for nothing by denying myself an intimate relationship with a woman..I had litterally forced myself to go without something I really wanted because I had pd..I have once again learned that life does on with or without pd..And the fact that I/we have pd, makes this relationship, all the more profound and inspiring, and lets not forget, a source of hope, and mutual happiness in many ways..Ive learned alot about myself in all of this, and Ive learned alot about the God that created us..alot about faith, and the strength of our inner spirit's quest to fulfill our dreams and our wholeness, no matter the challenges before us..I think provides a source of strength where there was weakness, a source of clarity where there was confusion..a source of purpose where there was doubt..and a source of hope where there was despair




When we are out in public, it is hard to tell I have pd unless I am having a bad day, so I probably look like Laura's carepartner, more than a pd patient..My meds work pretty good and hide alot of my symptoms these days..and what people also dont know is what we share with each other in conversation over breakfast or lunch at some restaurant somewhere..There is never a word wasted on meaningless irrelevant banter..When one of us is having a tough time, the other willingly steps in and takes up the slack..This relationship has been enlightening to both of us

ink blot test
 

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3220/...ed6254cbef.jpg
what does this look like ?

Tena:
 

Blood, revolution, the history of the world. Very intense.


what is it?