I put my sweater on over my pajamas and drove myself to the beach
 

The beach was lovely in the late afternoon. And I didn't need the sweater.

Right now I am sad.
I feel like I am going through some kind of healing process.

I feel so out of it. I might go to bed soon and just sleep in the same pajamas I wore to the beach.

Mari

:hug: Mari :hug:

A good sleep always makes me feel much better. I hope that you feel better tomorrow.

befuddled2

I am sorry that you are sad....
sending some healing thoughts your way.
Maybe after a good nights rest you will feel bettter.
You give so much of yourself daily, I am glad that you went to the beach, I know how much you love to do this...it seems you get strength there.
Replenish your soul how ever you can....
post when/if you are up to it.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Dear Mari
 

I'm glad you went to the beach.
I'm glad you did the sweater-over-pyjamas getup... no fuss!
I think you probably are... a lot has been going on... sounds like many people/situations have been wanting and/or taking "a piece of you" lately. needing to heal, to reconstitute yourself in a way, makes sense to me. feeling sadness seems like a natural part of that healing.sounds nice. it sounds like something i would do. to me it would be like i was partly still at the beach. and that would be special.

i don't know maybe i sound kooky. these are just my impressions.

Anyway i hope you slept well (or are still sleeping well). I hope the beach helped in your healing process.

:hug:

~ waves ~

Thank you.
 

Hi,
Tomorrow the gym and the sauna will be open. so I will go even though exercise does not seem to immediately help with depression -- maybe it "kicks in" later or is accumulative like meds. Sometimes the gym makes me feel much worse in the short term -- like the beach did today.

I'm worried about medical issues.

For one -- I recently made an appointment to see a sleep specialist for a consult about possible sleep apnea. (My pdoc referred me because I had been gaining weight.)

Whenever I see a new doc, I run over in my mind details about my history and questions I have. This "mind running" can trigger depression and anxiety.

I want the neuro to be able to answer some questions for me. I want him to be very good at his job.
That is a reasonable want.

Maybe I should check him off my list and stop worrying.
Maybe I can convince myself that my apointment with him will go well, he can help me, and that he is a near genius.

And maybe I can do the same thing with other things I am worrying about.
Maybe I can check them off as already taken care of.

Done. Move on. It will work out.

Mari

Someone would tell me all the time to live in the moment. Not to worry about yesterday or tomorrow. But sometimes it seems like that's impossible. I am wondering if you can do some ressearch with the American Medical Association or someone to find the ratings of the type of doctor you'll be seeing? That may ease your mind.

befuddled2

Oh the sauna....
I once joinned a gym simply for its amenaties,
huge hot tube, sauna, steam room, endless hot showers free shampoo and conditioner, big fluffy towels...

I hope that you are able to find some peace today...
how is your hubby in all of this?
The holidays are hard.

In regards to your health concerns, you could if you want to write up a history of things events, medications, supplements, etc.....a time line and family history and such to have to fill out forms or answer questions...so that way you have something to hang onto and provide some help to you.
perhaps you do this already, I have to because my memory issues.
I carry alittle folder with copies of lab results, which I make a copy of for that doctor in case they want to run them again and then I can whip out a copy to give thus preventing another blood draw and added expense, which I hate, last physical and pap dates and results, other copies of stuff jsut in case I need them..and some times I do. It also gives me some confidence that I am involved in this process and am an active participant in my health care...
anyway...
I am sorry that the beach did not provide some comfort to you.
YOu will find something that does.
I am sure of that....
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I was at Bed Bath and Beyond a few weeks ago and they had an air purifier that made the air smell like the beach. (It really did too!) I had my oldest with me and she stopped and just sniffed. She really liked it. (Man, I hadn't thought of that as a Christmas gift...hmm)

Anyway, would a hot bath, relaxing "beach sounds" cd, and the smell of the beach help you relax at home? The box had said it makes your entire house smell good. (was around $60.00)

I hope the gym does you good!