About that elephant...
 

I sent a PM to someone regarding Moi's thread, under no pressure they said and thought some might benefit from what I sent.

I do not believe there are specific answers as to why one thinks or completes the act of suicide. We are all individuals with unique issues. When I was a teenager I didn't complete what I started...guess God's plan was greater than mine. Maybe he was preparing me to live with a chronic illness or just to live.

I think that when one is thinking seriously about committing the act of suicide, to speak of it might bring it to a reality that is too difficult to face. Suicide is a different act for each person, a way out from pain, financial responsibility, heartache, etc. To truly know why one takes one's own life is something we may never know and for one to speak about it is a greater burden. Society has and will continue to stigmatize those that commit suicide along with the loved ones left behind. You are not known as Jane or John any longer, but the sister, brother, mother, father or friend of John. You know John, he shot himself.

Society does not seem to remember that a loved one is now dead, gone, never to return. Does it make the survivor's loss any less? I think not...and I've been borderline rude to people when I hear remarks concerning those losses of life.

I worked as a case mgr at a juvenile assessment center...I had to deal with this subject many times over the years. I also have lost very good friends to suicide. One friend in particular shot himself after a party, we were home two hours when his BIL came and told us.

Why one thinks what they think when comtemplating suicide seems to have many factors, then one more thing pushes that person over the edge. It seems complicated and to some extent it is. As you have read, I've had a personal interest in this subject and on MSW, I posted on it several times. The complication is why would someone want to take their own life, the simplicity is...they find no hope, nothing, not one thing at all to keep them here. It's not a matter of how much they love, but how much they hope. Is any of this making sense? One of my friends thinking about revenge, and in a moment of wanting that revenge shot himself in front of his wife. I remember her saying that in some ways it was a relief...that was 35 years ago. I understand now what she meant, the harsh words of someone who lived with another that had stated many times he one day would. He did try on a few occasions, until he succeeded.

Sometimes it is a hopeless situation, you can't watch a person 24 hours a day. If one is truly serious they will find a way, and if one succeeds, you ask yourself...what could I have done? The answer is nothing, nothing. It is not your fault, for whatever reason that person needed the only way out that was available. Reasons of hopelessness, caused by the demons one can not face and death seems the only solution.


You can love all the people you can fit in a football field, but if you don't have something to hold on and give you hope...then that love doesn't matter. Just because your loved one took the only way out as a solution does not mean you were not loved. It does not mean that you were not cherished, it means that was the solution for them.

I probably have not explained this at all and you are more confused more than ever so I will tell you why I still live. If I had succeeded all those years ago, I wouldn't have a daughter, son and three beautiful grandsons. The youngest whom is 6 just called to tell me his is coming tomorrow cause he ain't seen me in a week. I have always found some tiny shred of hope...however not everyone does. I haven't really considered suicide in many many years, however not everyone is that fortunate.

I had a friend that was sexually abused by her father, she thought of suicide for years. It seems that after all the assessments, talking to others and reading on suicide one thing seems to stand out above all else. It is just too hard to face one's own demons, but until they are faced, suicide seems the solution.


IT IS NOT THE EASY WAY OUT...as so many would claim. I've talked to others that have survived and 8 out of ten say the same..."I've never had to do anything so hard in my life, living is easy compared to knowing you are going to die. That you are the cause of your death."


I hope this makes some sense of things for you and that your pain will get easier as time progresses. We all greive differently, some can accept and move on in a short time, other's it takes longer. Take as long as you need, but please do try to move on, it doesn't mean you are forgetting or disregarding the life that was so precious. I think your loved one, would want you to live your life to the fullest, if not, then one would have to be rather cold hearted to wish loved ones a lifetime of pain and suffering.

Take care, and come on up on the porch anytime...you're always welcome and we give out plenty of hugs.:hug::grouphug::hug::grouphug:

:Good-Post:

.....couldn't have said it better....:hug:

Brilliant posting COK - thanks so much for putting your thoughts down so that I understand you. Not confused one bit by what you wrote.

I have some further thoughts.

I think that some suicides are "accidental" deaths. And however confusing their death was (be it by a gun, a drowning, a car accident... anything that could leave a doubt ) the elephant follows around behind those who have survived. People tell stories and the stories snowball into the "what ifs..." and the elephant sticks around a lot longer than he should. Instead of leaving the vulnerable at peace, it leaves them grieving to figure out the "what ifs..."

I guess, no matter how we lose someone, we still have those thoughts "what if...."

Addy, I agree. I have often wondered if I had stayed just a little longer would my friend have taken out that gun. I wonder if my friend's son had not shot himself, would he still be here. If my cousin's son hadn't died in a fire would she still be here. The what if's are those things we need to let go, however, it isn't easy.

I have a neighbor whose son was found shot twice. Once in the chest and once to his head. I heard all the rumors, and I find it extremely hard to imagine someone shooting themselves in the chest and then also pulling that trigger again? It was ruled as a suicide because his wife was leaving was the rumor...

It doesn't matter how he died the truth is a life is gone and loved ones are left behind...and those rumors do get overheard or repeated to family and friends.

I had a friend that hung himself...I was asked if he wanted to die so badly why such a horrible death, why didn't he overdose? I was not so nice in my reply...my cousin's DIL hung herself in the church...and I could not believe the things people said at the time. I guess they didn't realize or care that that was part of my family. I didn't know her she married my cousin after they lived farther than where we grew up, still she left family and friends.

People can be cruel when it comes to suicide, but yet they are so caring, loving and concerned when it is from any other tragedy or so it seems. I just don't get it...death is final no matter the reason.

glad you posted this, COKE...

I can't add to it...why ruin something that is already said so well? LOL

love your porches...please keep it available so we all can sit and rock on your chairs... ;) LOL

BEAUTIFUL POST

David

bumping up....

There is no need to bump up all the messages. Thanks though!!!

I feel more like a fool right now and that wasn't what I set out to do by asking for more input about one thread. lol :eek:

Well, I somehow missed this, maybe while lurking or not lurking. :rolleyes:

But thanks COK. I completely understood and so appreciate you putting it out there.

You know, often I go into lurking mode here because I often don't feel that I fit in. Most people say here that the pain from a suicide death is much greater than the pain from someone you love dying a 'normal' death. And that a 'sudden loss' is more painful than a long illness. I dunno. When people that I love die, it just hurts is all I know.

Other than the bouts with 'suicidal ideation', the one time I very seriously planned my own suicide, I was in so much emotional pain I wasn't even thinking about anyone else. I just wanted out, no matter what. A revelation, if you will, stopped me out of the blue.

Doody...glad you got that revelation and you're still here.
Having experienced death through suicide, illness, and accidental I honestly can't say one overshadowed another. The emotional pain of the heart didn't seem to hurt any less from the 'how' just from the death itself.