Did she think or did she act?
 

Today as I went for the endoscopy I spoke with a nurse that her family and I have known for years. Her mother was actually coming in today also, and I saw some old friends. However, that is not what this about, its about another nurse that worked there until yesterday.

Yesterday she decided to take her life. She was young, she had several issues most dealing with men. Tracy was someone's mother, sister, daughter, loved one...someone's loved one. The same as you or I she was loved and loved in return...loved. Was it that that love was not enough for her? Was it that she suffered so much emotionally in life? Was it that life was more than she could face? Was it that she thought her children would be better off because somebody told her she wasn't a good mother?

No one will truly ever know, not her three kids, not her parents nor the family and friends she made along the way. She will be missed, I would think more so by the children than any other. How will they deal with this, going through life as the child of someone who killed themself. Reality and people are cruel mates in this world and they take pity on no one. What happens to the three who loved and depended on the mother? Time will give the answer.

Tracy, I only knew as acquaintence at best, does it matter? Tracy is another victim and leaves survivors. Those of us that have been left behind by suicide know of the 'why, what if, and frustration of understanding'. How can one put loved ones through this? Another question and no answers. Tracy felt she was not a good mother. What is the definition of a good mother, I've never seen one.

Another family is going through the same doors we have been. I thank God I didn't succeed so many years ago and I'm asking you to stay and live. I know the pain, and for many that are left as surviviors the overwhelming pain can make you want to join the loved one. I'm asking you to live. Its not a simply request I know, but I'm asking. I might not know you, but your life means something to someone. I'm asking you to stay alive for that reason alone.

Another victim of suicide, a family that needs your silent support and prayers.
Its too late for me to ask her to live, its not too late to ask you. Its too late to ask my friends to live, its not too late to ask you.

My biological grandmother committed suicide...I never got to meet her. I'm asking you to live so you can meet those that might be your destiny to meet.
Its too late for those already gone, its not too late for you. These are words I would say to them all if it wasn't too late.:hug::hug:

It's even worse when there are young children left behind...what an awful legacy to leave for the children. :( You are so right COK..no one will ever know why she did it..but they surely will be asking for a long long time.

*"After the fact, we wonder and we wonder and we wonder. "What if?" we ask. "If only?" we ponder. "Couldn't we have had just one more hour or one more day to talk them out of it?" "Isn't there something that could have been said or done that would have made all this pain and agony unnecessary?" We wonder,...we wonder."

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*Suicide The Forever Decision by Paul G. Quinnett

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And we will continue to ask until we are satisfied that there are no answers to that question...that we will never know...that our "job" is to go on living and to try to let others know the horror of suicide to those left behind....~sigh

True.
The what ifs or could have's...never be answered. This is the hardest to live with for me. I know in my heart I couldn't have changed the outcome but still I wonder from time to time. My friend never spoke of such things, my grandmother, I will never meet drank rat poison. My dad was 11 and it has been painful for him his entire life.

He remembers that day well...she put him in her lap and told him she loved him more than any one thing. She sent him to get his father...when they got back, it was too late.

((COK)) Firstly, I am so very glad you are still here with us:hug: I am also so very sorry for the pain you have had to endure :hug:

That is possibly the only question I do feel I have an answer for. One who takes their own life, was not capable of rational thought.

This brings to mind the "perfect storm" analogy. I posted this last month and will copy it here for you..........

Your poor dear father:hug: I can't imagine..................... I was 40... 11? No, I can't imagine :(

thank you so much for saying this, COKE...

true, true, true...

sit on your hands, lock away your guns, avoid the bridges, throw away the pills, hide the knives, reach for that phone...

live...

get pass that second and the rest of the minutes will be worth while again...

no matter how alone you think you are...it is the demons talking to you...tell them to take hike....tell them to go back to the closet....tell them to get back under the bed...

LIVE....please LIVE.....

Whenever I hear of people that are so depressed that they become suicidal, I ask them to think about it. They may have a troubled past, no family, addictions, etc...but there is always one person out there who cares. I make them think about that one person, and how they would be letting them down. They may mean the world to that person (isn't there a quote like that?)

I also tell them that you can't take suicide back. You can't say "wait, no, I didn't really mean to die! I take it back!" because you can't take it back

so true Buff..it's the "forever decision"....but talking about it, talking about our feelings, helps. :hug: