I Will Wait...............(A poem)
 

I Will Wait............


I have placed your picture by my bedside.
You are the first thing I see upon waking.
I will not hide from this pain.
I will face it head on, just as you taught me.

You are the last thing I see at night.
Your smile mocks my grief.
Most nights I cry for all that is lost.
All the hopes, dreams and tomorrows.

I pray to God to see you.
I pleaded, demanded and bartered.
On fallen knees, and wracked with sobs
I begged for just one last hug.

I didn’t think you heard my pleas.
A dream? A mind gone mad with grief?
Upon waking as if in slow motion,
I could still feel you leaving me.

I could still almost feel your touch.
Your scent lingered in the air.
I cried out and reached for you.
Our souls touched once again.

In dream or Spirit you came to me.
It was enough, I could go on.
The grief though deep, did not consume me.
Now, I could wait, I would wait….

Nikki 2008

(((Nikki))) There are no words...........

((((Nikki))))

How beautifully you have put this into words...

Nikki,

I'm speechless......

Nik-key
 

I too am speechless. BF:hug::hug::hug:

When copying here I accidently left out part of the poem, the most moving to me. Thank you all for giving me a safe place to share :hug:

"Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight." - Rossiter Worthington Raymond

"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge - myth is more potent than history - dreams are more powerful than facts - hope always triumphs over experience - laughter is the cure for grief - love is stronger than death”
Robert Fulghum quotes

A reminder to myself.................. :smileypray:


I am so mad at Dad tonight... I found myself yelling to the sky...
Damn it Dad you should be here!!! We need you!!

I wont do what he did.. but I have to tell you ... the desire to just get in my car and just drive and drive and drive is almost overwhelming!

nik-key

play this now

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky4rfA_tebY



Do you need a lift..i cant drive but if i could i would..

David

Nikki, this song expresses it all. This is the ONLY way to get through. I can tell you this from my own experience. You can't control it....give it to Him, and let Him get you through. He will, I promise you. Let go...Let God. I know you know how, and can do it. I believe in you Nikki.
About the desire to drive, I have been there too, done it. Please take care of you, let your emotions play themselves out under His tender loving care. :hug:

Yes ((Alffe's)) words keep ringing in my mind.... let go, let God....

Perhaps I am doing this without fully being aware of it.

I keep thinking how when Dad took his life, I had this same overpowering need to get in the car and drive and drive........ but, then I had a plan for when I stopped. I was going to drive far enough away so my family would not know, so they would not hurt as Dad has hurt me.

I no longer have a plan, it isn't that the thoughts are not there... I think it is normal to have these thoughts. Living IS harder than giving up....... but I wont do as Dad did.

But, that need, that overpowering urge to get in that car.... to just drive far enough and long enough that I don't have to feel all of this anymore... it is taking everything I have not to do just that.

David you once said "when the storm gets worse I volunteer to be your raincoat " The storm is here, and I find I am in need of all the raincoats I can find.

Thank you all for being here :hug:

http://www.gemplers.com/img/carhartt...139459-thm.jpg I love you. :hug:


http://www.onlinesports.com/images/chr-9199-3xl.jpg

My dearest Nikki....emotions are a very strong driving force. I know how hard it can be to just sit with them. You feel that you must do something or it will drive you.....I don't have any easy answers, I wish I did. Have you seen your doctor? Sometimes, we simply need that extra help to get us through the really bad moments. Please listen to some of the music- write-pray-take a hot bath-talk, we are listening, and praying dear friend....:hug:

Waiting.............
 

I was having an exceptionally difficult time yesterday, it was snowing... and though I tried with everything I have, I wasn't able to go visit with Mom. Sleep wouldn't come and I found myself looking through Dad's briefcase, touching everything he held dear. Holding his war metals ...... and just wishing to God he had been able to win his last battle. I simply broke.......

I then went and got the tote where I keep some of Dad's clothes and his jacket. I keep them all sealed air tight to keep his scent for as long as possible. I slept with his jacket last night. I haven't done that in a long time…..

I awoke in the wee hours before dawn to my Dad's voice .... he was singing to me......... God but he had such a beautiful voice! It was the same song I heard over and over in mind those first weeks after he died............. I am not going to put a link to the song, as it was my Dad's voice I heard singing it...…….But the song is Ohh Child. I swear I could still feel him brushing away my tears. Dad isn't here.... yet somehow... some way... he still finds a way to bring me comfort when I need it most. Today, will be a good day :hug:

Ooh-oo child
Things are gonna get easier

Ooh-oo child
Things will get brighter

Some day, yeah
We'll get it together and we'll get it undone ........................

Some day, yeah
We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun ...........................

Waiting for that some day :hug:

Awwwww dear Nikki...love is the tie that binds, through it all, no matter what, such strong love is eternal....he is not there physically but he knows and he is there....:hug: I luv u...

Oh Nik-key. We love you so much. Steve :hug::hug::hug:

I'm glad you can still hear your Dad singing to you. And such a perfect song, too. (((Nikki))) :hug::hug::hug: